He is v. uptight about the house operating efficiently and makes me feel like a failure because I can't manage to complete all the chores (the weekly shop, most of housework, errands, most of clothes washing, cooking and ironing) during school hours on my two days off (Thurs and Fri) so we can have a chore-free weekend. I work 3 days plus one or 2 eves a week.
He has a lot of responsibility at work, leaves at 7.30am and gets in at 7pm each day. He puts the kids to bed when he gets in and reads them a bedtime story. He sometimes does the washing up and tends to cook at the weekends (I cook in the week).
Although I am generally more laid back than him in terms of my personality, I rarely sit down on my days at home and am not lazy but somehow I just don't manage to get it all done. So by the weekend he is disappointed that he has to muck in for most Sat morning to get it all finished, taking his precious time away from our primary school age kids who he doesn't see much of in the week.
His disappointment is really affecting my self-esteem and is making me resent him. Is he being unreasonable or am I for not managing to get it all done before the weekend? Is our situation normal or do most people in our situation manage to have a relatively chore-free weekend with plenty of quality family time together?
AIBU?
to think DH has an attitude problem...
printmeanicephoto · 07/08/2013 14:17
Charming, ChippingInHopHopHop. OP says he wants to spend the time with his children, so he doesn't exactly want it for himself, as such. In fact, the way she describes his time with them as 'precious', having reread it, makes her sound quite resentful of it and snipy 
.
And, lovely as it is to put your dc to bed, I love the way this is described as the 'nice bit' by some - it doesn't always feel that way when you've come straight from a busy day at work. Some jobs seem to be defined as 'work' if the SAHP does them, and 'a treat and a joy' if the WOHP does them.
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Is it the case that he's so capable that you feel inadequate?
There's always something to do isn't there? "a woman's work is never done" 
. But what is it hat's eating into family time at the weekends?
No idea whether he has an attitude problem. Unless he's being mean about the who,e thing, maybe he just thinks it's not fair that you get to go out for coffee/ gym etc every week and he's slogging away at work?
we all have different standards and methods so it's hard to gauge what's reasonable by other ppl's experiences.
Quite.diddl I agree.
But I can't make out whether that's the case.
Obviously he shouldn't be making her feel bad but if he clears after dinner and puts the dcs to bed he's not just sitting on his arse after work either.
I just wonder because my dh is very capable (although pathologically untidy) and it gates a bit sometimes . Also, although he sometimes takes me for granted, I take him for granted sometimes too.
It's too hard to call if op is bu without knowing more. So I wondered if it's more the "way he says it" IYSWIM.
Laundry gets done every day here.
But vacuuming once a week (apart from under DS's chair, that's about 3 time a day with the mini dyson _
Little sweep up after dinner.
Bathrooms: as you go but cleaned weekly.
I vac every day because i have a crawling 10mo who can find any invisible microscopic bit and choke on it 
. But pre ds i hoovered/mopped twice a week. The carpets/floors would get very grubby if not (especially the kitchen and bathrooms. 3 days after cleaning Bathroom starts to smell like a urinal and kitchen cupboards are covered in food splashes/dirty hand prints too :(
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