He is v. uptight about the house operating efficiently and makes me feel like a failure because I can't manage to complete all the chores (the weekly shop, most of housework, errands, most of clothes washing, cooking and ironing) during school hours on my two days off (Thurs and Fri) so we can have a chore-free weekend. I work 3 days plus one or 2 eves a week.
He has a lot of responsibility at work, leaves at 7.30am and gets in at 7pm each day. He puts the kids to bed when he gets in and reads them a bedtime story. He sometimes does the washing up and tends to cook at the weekends (I cook in the week).
Although I am generally more laid back than him in terms of my personality, I rarely sit down on my days at home and am not lazy but somehow I just don't manage to get it all done. So by the weekend he is disappointed that he has to muck in for most Sat morning to get it all finished, taking his precious time away from our primary school age kids who he doesn't see much of in the week.
His disappointment is really affecting my self-esteem and is making me resent him. Is he being unreasonable or am I for not managing to get it all done before the weekend? Is our situation normal or do most people in our situation manage to have a relatively chore-free weekend with plenty of quality family time together?
AIBU?
to think DH has an attitude problem...
printmeanicephoto · 07/08/2013 14:17
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Some of the coimments on this thread about the dh have made me quite 
and I'm sure they wouldn't be made if he was a woman. Why do some people assert that they are sure his job is easier than her day is? How can we know that without knowing his job? Yes, some of his day is taken up with travelling, but that can be exhausting, depending on the commute - whether he drives himself, gets a seat, faces delays etc. Why is the school run and giving dc their breakfast considered 'work' by some but a commute is not? My dh iis a sahd and describes the school run as being a pleasant 10 minute stroll. Yes, there are rainy days and days when the dc play up, but it's really not that bad (his words). Of course, some are more stressful, depending on distances etc, but we haven't been told that - unless I missed it.
Of course if the OP works part time and her children are school age she should be doing more housework than her dh. On the other hand, he shouldn't sit on his arse with a beer moaning about what she has/hasn't done, but he is doing the bedtime routine every night - if the morning routine, done by the OP is considered 'work', then surely the night-time one is too?
I work f/t and spending time with the dc at weekends is so importae nt to me - if I was having to do tasks that ate in to that time while dh had had time 'off' and spent it 'having coffee with friends', I would be pissed off. I think the part-time arrangement was made when the dc were a lot younger, and now the dh is feeling a bit hard done by. Not all jobs involve having plenty of breaks and lovely, stimulating discussions with adults. Some are 
horror just as tiring, draining and stressful as, you know, that most difficult of tasks, housework 
. I don't think we have enough info to know who is being the most UR, but I think the OP should be more open to discussion, rather than whining about coffees and feeling rushed.
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Oh and just because some people 'do it' doesn't mean you signed on to be a bloody stepford wife There is a massive difference between 'getting what you can done so you can have fun at the weekend' and 'getting it all done so lazy fucker doesn't have to lift a finger'
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