To get cheesed off with people telling me I should 'get a little job'?

[LukewarmBath]

My youngest child is due to start school in September. I am getting very fed up with people telling me (totally unasked for advice btw) that I need to 'get a little job'. One of the mums at school, who is a total busybody and doesn't know me very well at all, even printed off details about a lunchtime supervisor job that is going at the DC's school because she 'thought I'd like to get a little job as mini Lukewarm is going to school soon'. People constantly ask me if I'm going to get a job. Even family do it.

The fact is, I don't really need to work financially. DH has his own company and I do a lot of his admin work for him as well as lots of cold calling and dealing with invoices. But because it's from home, no one seems to think it's a proper job. I go to the gym, meet up with friends regularly and go on lots of nights out, so it's not like I need the 'adult interaction' from a job either.

I just wish people would mind their own business!

[juneau]

Fiddlesticks. There are such things as nannies.

Of course there are, but, believe it or not, many women actually WANT to raise their own DC - not rely on someone else to do it. Fancy that! A woman who actually wants to raise her own DC! Yes, really, we do exist. I would absolutely HATE to go back to my old office job and come home to my house, which I pay for, being run by someone else who knows my DC better than I do and who insists on 'sole charge', which means basically the way the DC are raised and the house is run is her way, not mine.

I totally agree with everything karma has said. My DH works very long hours five days a week, he frequently travels for business (this week he's away for six days, for instance), he can never do drop offs, pick ups, sick days, assemblies, sports days, parents evenings - you name it. If I worked too our DC would have no one to care for them who is actually related to them. So yes, I DO enable my DH to do the job he does and still have a family. Without me at home he simply could not work the hours he does, earn the money he does, do the job he does. I'm not blowing my trumpet, but it's true.

[grumpyoldbat]

I think the problem is that a mother's place is in the wrong. The trick is to not care what everyone else thinks. How you do that I don't know, I constantly worry.

[Floppityflop]

Even if you don't take a wage from the business you can pay voluntary NI. But check HMRC website in case you would get home responsibilities protection for certain years anyway. I can't remember what age your DCs have to be to get that - do check and the rules about state pension have recently changed anyway. I know that taking a wage from the business isn't always possible and can be complicated for married couples if HMRC thinks income shifting is going on, but you could discuss with your accountant if you have one whether it would be better for you and your DH as a unit or not.

I don't have DCs yet but my dad loves to tell me that my wages are just pocket money! I'd have loved him to say that to my grandmother who always worked full time as a nurse, she would have done one...

[Floppityflop]

PS I should say do what you want, what makes you and your family happy. Why not go on a few short courses to make sure you are doing the best admin and marketing job for your DH? That will also help you if you change your mind and decide later that you need to go and work for someone else.

[raisah]

Just say you are co-director of the family business so you have your hands full already.

[garlicagain]

Juneau, I was replying to an assertion that DH couldn't work if DW weren't at home - as he'd have to do all the school pickups, sick days and so forth. It's a ridiculous claim, as evidenced by the many single parents and dual-working couples.

You're very, very lucky to have complete freedom of choice. Don't pretend you aren't.

[cardibach]

GoodTouch -would you not say this: "I wouldn't dream of marrying a man who couldn't provide for his family" because it is clearly nonsense or because you consider it to be impolite to comment on the personal arrangements of others? Because I find it extremely rude, not to mention rather stupid, to think that women only work because their 'man can't provide' or that women actually think of men in these terms at all, actually.
You are 31. You could easily train/work if you wanted to. You don't, it works for you, that's fine. Try not to be offensive about the choices of others though, will you?

[LimitedEditionLady]

I think its like one of those things people say automatically like when you have a child and they say "oooh when are you having another?'or if youre unmarried with your partner at a wedding and people say "oooh are you next"annoying.

[fedupofnamechanging]

garlic, many people couldn't work in their particular careers if they didn't have someone at home. Not all jobs have the same hours each week, which makes child care a bit of a struggle.

[garlicagain]

You're not getting my point, Karma. A SAHP does the work of a nanny/housekeeper.

[ZillionChocolate]

OP, I think you need a stock phrase to spout when this comes up. Maybe "no need for your concern; as it happens, I already have a job".

[BigBoobiedBertha]

LimitedEdition - it isn't 'one of those things people say' when they start pushing job descriptions in your face. That is going too far. That would be like giving you an ovulation kit instead of asking when you are having your next baby or handing you a registry office leaflet on getting married when you hadn't announced your intention of getting married.

[perplexedpirate]

'Thank you, but I am independently wealthy'.
'Thank you, but I have a mysterious benefactor'
'Thank you, but a job would seriously cut into the time I spend on stage'

[enpanne]

Not very subtle "I married into money and live the life of a WAG" thread.

[perplexedpirate]

Actually, it's weird how its assumed that finances are the main reason that someone would have a job. Even if I was independently wealthy, I would still have to work as my mental health really suffers if I didn't. Admittedly, I might do something a bit 'lighter' than I currently do, but I'd have to work, regardless.

[garlicagain]

YY, Perplexed Most genuinely wealthy people, men and women, do work ... because it's vapid not to.

[enpanne]

I doubt any school would struggle to employ a dinner lady, those jobs are in great demand from people who need a job that fits in with school hours.

[garlicagain]

SAHP-ing as a job: £400 net pw :)

[InMyShreddies]

YANBU. I am pretty laid back about it and don't really care what people think, I find it funny when people project their own insecurities about their own choices or lack thereof.

I work p/t, sometimes from home, and this apparently isn't a 'proper' job and I've had the whole 'pin money' thing too. I play up on it tbh and pretend I'm a WAG, but in reality I work because we need the money, which is strangely enough the exact same reason DH works.

Can anyone explain what 'pin money' is? I think DH would be a bit pissed off if his earnings went to mortgage and bills, and mine went on bonbons!

[InMyShreddies]

Garlic - that doesn't include the shagging though

[enpanne]

Fundamentally society is where it is today because the human condition is such that people strive to accomplish and better themselves, and want their lives to amount to something. This has been the way of things for thousands of years over which time society has progressed immensely.

Given this, it is hard for some people to understand people who aren't interested in accomplishing anything, who are happy to live off the fruits of the labours of others and don't do anything meaningful with their lives.

Ultimately the OPs DH is happy to fund this lifestyle so people should butt out, but it's not hard to see why others are confused by it.