To get cheesed off with people telling me I should 'get a little job'?

[LukewarmBath]

My youngest child is due to start school in September. I am getting very fed up with people telling me (totally unasked for advice btw) that I need to 'get a little job'. One of the mums at school, who is a total busybody and doesn't know me very well at all, even printed off details about a lunchtime supervisor job that is going at the DC's school because she 'thought I'd like to get a little job as mini Lukewarm is going to school soon'. People constantly ask me if I'm going to get a job. Even family do it.

The fact is, I don't really need to work financially. DH has his own company and I do a lot of his admin work for him as well as lots of cold calling and dealing with invoices. But because it's from home, no one seems to think it's a proper job. I go to the gym, meet up with friends regularly and go on lots of nights out, so it's not like I need the 'adult interaction' from a job either.

I just wish people would mind their own business!

[fedupofnamechanging]

Happy, education is never wasted. A woman should go to university if that's what she wants, regardless of what she intends to do with the rest of her life. Again with this idea that sah is for thick people

My education has been quite handy for helping my dc, amongst other things

[fedupofnamechanging]

It's really easy to fill a school day. Not everything I do is house related - I do have some time to do the things I find interesting. I have also genuinely wondered about people who say they would be bored sah, but claim not to be bored in jobs where someone else has effectively decided what they will be doing all day! Why is my day viewed as boring but theirs is not? Surely setting one's own agenda is less likely to result in boredom?

[JustinBsMum]

There is a lot of envy I think in discussions about SAHM - suggestions like 'I would be so bored sitting at home all day with Jeremy Kyle' etc. But just think of all the millions of people who are retired. Ime everyone who can retire is, as they fear their pension disappearing somewhere or other.

They are not in their dotage nowadays, in fact, many use their retirement to gad about the world if they can afford to. Many spend a day or so a week minding grandchildren. But there are all those other days.

The upshot is there are millions of people home all day and probably, if they were truly organised, could be described as having spare time on their hands. But to do what?

Just because some people chase their tails running a home and a job should we all do that? Judging by the martyrdom on some threads it sounds pretty miserable (have done it and don't recommend it).

And doing a 'little job' - what, do something you find unrewarding for a minimum wage that hardly covers the travel costs, why??

I am not talking about people who live off the state, just those at home a lot.

My point is that those doing both job and home won't be doing it forever, DCs leave home, those just running home with a small job is fine if they are not requiring state support to do it, those just running home is fine too, the interesting little jobs aren't there anyway so they might as well make the most of it.

[juneau]

I have also genuinely wondered about people who say they would be bored sah, but claim not to be bored in jobs where someone else has effectively decided what they will be doing all day!

Yes! Totally agree. I've never been so bloody bored as I was at work when there was nothing to do, yet I had to try and 'look busy' all day. The last six months I was at work before DS1 was born was like that and I couldn't wait to go on maternity leave. No wonder I haven't rushed back to work at the earliest opportunity when my last memory of work was endless hours when I sat there thinking of all the things I could be doing if I was at home!

[HiggsBoson]

Daughters really ought to be encouraged to achieve for themselves as opposed to marrying well though, surely?

Agree with Lizza on that point.

Why, oh why, oh why can some people not simply accept with good grace how incredibly fortunate thy are?

[littlefirefly]

I think that carers should be seen differently to sahms though. I get Carers Allowance too as DS gets HRC DLA, he is school-aged. I am occasionally encouraged to look for work, but only by parents of NT children, and most of my friends these days are other parents of disabled dc, who understand our situation much better.

We don't have so many appointments these days and DS is settled in school (but there was a period when he had to flexi-school as he couldn't cope with a full day). So I do have to fill the school hours by myself. There is always a fair bit of work related to DS's needs, like making visual reminders, researching therapies, keeping up with the massive changes in SEN policy, applying for funding, chasing up the LA/DWP. There are some local parent support groups which I attend, plus a little volunteering I do to help other parents. And, as DS needs so much supervision at home, I have to do a lot of my errands/housework while he is at school. I do have a bit of time left over for some weekly classes/exercise, which provide me with adult interaction and helps me regroup so I can be in the right frame of mind for caring for DS. It's a very different situation to being a sahm to an NT school-aged child.

[StealthPolarBear]

Vix those hours are illegal surely? What on earth do you do?

[MrsKoala]

I think the 'example' stick is a particularly nasty one to beat sahm with. It's usually pulled out as a guilt tactic for the arguer to 'win' in a kind 'for the love of god wont someone think of the kiddies' type way. It is also completely erroneous. Otherwise we would only ever do what our mothers did. How many people who work mums were sah? I know loads. My mum woh but it did not affect my decision in any way.

And who are these people encouraging dds to marry well instead of do well? Certainly not in my socio-economical bracket. Most people work, marry, have dc and then make their decisions based on what is best for their family. You would be surprised when you put down on paper the pros and cons that one usually is glaring as the 'right choice' (never without some sacrifice tho - but nothing is). Whether that be sah or woh. A lot of people i know actually cannot afford to go to work, but would love to, not the other way round. If you don't have any family who help and more than one DC and are not eligible for any credits or anything then it becomes impossible. Also no one i know is making this choice on taxpayers money.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

Completely agree MrsKoala. The 'example' thing is also completely irrelevant to most children because they haven't the faintest idea what their parents do all day anyway, except they go out every day. The children couldn't care less if mummy is chairperson of a bank or a high flying lawyer or whatever.

Tell me, would all those who think the woman who offered the job description to the OP didn't mean any harm and was just trying to help, how would you feel if the woman suggested you cut back on your working hours because you were looking a bit tired or you should get a little job to fit in with school hours so your children see you more?

The fact the woman doesn't know the OP and her situation is less reason to butt in with her little job suggestion, not more. How would you feel if a relative stranger had an opinion on how you spend your time? I don't blame the OP for being irritated.

[expatinscotland]

Working is over-rated for the vast majority. If you don't have to and don't want to, don't.

[PurpleGirly]

Surely the idea of feminism was to give women the opportunity to chose their own path in life, with the ability to become whatever they want?

Not a stealth boast but DH earns a great salary and I work because I want to work - I love my job. The fact that DH travels, works long hours etc. also means that he has some flexibility if DS is ever ill. He allows his team time off for emergencies and could do the same himself if needed. The idea that a working man can never be called on to help is one that I find a bit odd.

Most people on here do not have a problem with the OP who works for the family business and she just needs the confidence to say this to people. I think most people have taken offence at the poster who feels that a HV who took a decision to improve is something to be belittled. Someone who seems to like to boast about the fact she has never worked and has no intention of ever doing so. The fact that she is totally reliant on her DP and quite is quite sarcastic to others who chose a different life. Most SAHMs that I know have worked prior to child are and for many it is the most economically viable reason with childcare costs etc. Very few in the real world are rich enough to think they will never ever have to work (especially at 31).

So to this poster, think about how you have portrayed yourself ... I am not jealous of you, I love my job and have a great life, a career and a lot of self worth. I don't feel the need to put anyone down for their choices and in this post I have not done so - good on you for being in a comfortable position but don't write your life off as one big long retirement, I hope everything works out for you, I really do, but none of us know what the future holds.

[3birthdaybunnies]

I'm getting comments already and ds doesn't start school until 2014. Their faces are classic though when I tell them that I already have a job (which pays nearly 3x national average - don't actually say that), is totally flexible during the week and I don't need to work in holidays, so I can have it all and work and go to school plays, days out etc. Just because I don't come to school in work stuff and spend far too much time on MN doesn't mean I don't have a job. OP make sure your dh employs you so you get NI and you use your tax allowance then sit back and look smuggly at them.

[Talkinpeace]

"I do not have time to work, I'm too busy managing my investment portfolio"

"with what DH pays me through our business, any little job would be taxed at 50% so I don't"

"I give my time to charity, its better than minimum wage for a tax avoiding multinational"

"I'm training as a yoga teacher so am busy every lunchtime"

take your pick