AIBU to go on holiday?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

I have a DS, 2.7yrs. I live with DP who is not DS's Dad.

We got offered the use of an apartment in a few weeks in Portugal, a freebie from one of DP's friends. So we only have to pay for flights. It's going to be for 7 nights.

Apartment is in a quiet village, quite a way from the airport, and is in a private complex that isn't full of holiday lets, but generally where people live/ have second homes.

We decided it wasn't really the kind of holiday to take DS on, as we wouldn't be doing much, and that it would give us a chance to relax and get a break, so I have arranged for DS to stay with my parents.

DS hero worships my dad, and they help me out with childcare while I work, so I have no qualms about how he will be looked after, or that he won't enjoy it. My Mom won't be working at the time, and they have plans to spend some time with my sister and niece and take him on a day trip on a train.

Ex has gotten wind of it and has made a couple of comments along the lines of him not being able to believe I am 'dumping' DS to go on holiday on my own, and how selfish it is. Also a friend's reaction was that she couldn't leave her DC for that long and won't I worry/ miss him.

Well of course I will miss him! But I know him and his grandparents are going to have a lovely time!

AIBU to go on holiday for a week without him????

[pictish]

Oh I seeee....so it's only ok so long as you're not having fun?

Pffffft!

[TolliverGroat]

What on earth are your parents/in-laws like, hadababygirl, if letting a nearly 3yo visit grandparents for a week is "frightening" and "shoddy"? Of course it matters who looks after a child, but for most DCs a loving grandparent with whom they have a good relationship is pretty much at the top of the list.

[hadababygirl]

I don't believe I said that but I can see you're pretty fixed in your opinion of me and are going to keep reading my posts, writing something completely different and claiming its what I have said so best I just leave you to it I think.

[Joiningthegang]

Op - please ignore hadababygirl she is spouting complete nonsense

All will be fine - your son and parents will have a lovely memorable time - your ds may barely miss you!

You will have a lovely time and I bet you will be super excited to see ds on your return

Ignore ignore ignore

[Latemates]

the father should be higher on the list tho

[specialsubject]

you have of course asked for a beating from all those who think stepping away from a child for more than 30 seconds until it is 18 is abuse.

he'll be fine. So will you. You will both be delighted to see each other afterwards.

[hadababygirl]

Tlliver, I don't actually have any, but that's beside the point. At this age, the child lives with his mother. She goes away with a new partner not taking the child with her - it doesn't matter in a sense who she leaves him with, that's not what I am objecting to at all. I just feel that the child will feel yes, abandoned, and most probably wonder what he did wrong, because they just do at that age - it's all about them.

And a week is a very long time for a 2 year old.

[pictish]

Dh and I leave our youngest kids behind with mil for 5 nights every summer, while we go to a music festival and have a great time without them!
They are 5 and 4 now, and so far as I can tell, aren't in need of therapy.

Woo and hoo!

[Latemates]

what makes me laugh is if someone posted on lone parents that the father wanted to take their 2 year old on a weeks holiday but that i dont think he should be away from mummy for that long the poster would get lots of support saying he is too young to be away for a week. interesting how context changes everything

[RatUpADrainpipe]

hadababygirl - when my son was 3 tragic family circumstances meant I had to leave my son with his grandparents for a week. All my son was interested in was the present he knew he would be getting when we got back.

My son is now grown up and doesn't even remember us going away let alone still feel abandoned and upset some 25 years later!

[hadababygirl]

Sorry to hear about what happened rat - I know you didn't go into detail but sounds horrible.

Things happen which are unavoidable, I completely understand that, but a holiday doesn't fall into that category, that's all really. And I'm sure it won't cause long term issues but it will be upsetting for the child, he is very young.

Ah, well! We're all different and I am sure I do many things as a parent which would get me a flaming but in fairness this board does say you can give your opinions and I have given mine, I wish you well OP.

[AaDB]

I'd love my ds to have such a wide community of loving adults willing and able to look after him.

I also hate double standards. I have friends that agree it's ok for the father to go away socially. The situation reversed makes a bad selfish and neglectful mother.

[Morloth]

Sometimes my kids go to their grandparents just because.

I wouldn't hesitate for a second, I am very very pleased that my kids are fortunate enough to have loving grandparents and will have those memories when they lose them.

I spent weeks and weeks at my grandparents as a kid, sometimes just because. I remember that time very fondly.

Why not?

[glastocat]

Wow! Are there really people who never leave their child's side like this? My son has had annual holidays at his granny's house since he was tiny, it's the highlight of his year as he gets spoiled rotten! They have a fabulous bond and my son is growing up to be a happy and confident child, he certainly didn't feel abandoned in the slightest. Go and enjoy your holiday, your child will have a fab time with his grandparents.

[attheendoftheday]

Wow, hadababy is getting a hard time. She's only expressed an opinion that's different, she's been perfectly civil in doing so.

This is aibu, people are allowed to express different opinions. Unless we should just all reply happy mummy = happy baby to everything?

I personally think the op is nbu, but why have a thread where everyone has to agree.

[AaDB]

Maybe hadababy would have an easier time if she hasn't insinuated that the OP was neglectful.

[flipchart]

I think Hadababy is getting a hard time as well and I am one of the people who said go and gave my experiences but to be fair we were all older when we started to stay at nans while mum and dad went away.

I did forget that the OP's child is 2 and the father had moved out and the DP had moved in. (or something like that),so quite a bit of change for a toddler I suppose.

We are allowed to have different opinions that go against the grain, like Hadababy's does, It doesn't mean she is spouting nonsense though, she is just sharing an opinion that she has been asked for.

[Morloth]

I remember my grandma so clearly, she has been gone for almost 30 years.

I loved her almost as much as my Mum.

My boys feel the same way about their grandparents, they adore them.

Their feelings about being with their grandparents are very positive. I hope they remember every moment they got to spend there.

[flipchart]

Maybe hadababy would have an easier time if she hasn't insinuated that the OP was neglectful
I don't think she has. She has just given the OP her opinion.

After doing years of childhood studies at various levels and covering attachment theories ( and knowing when theories were misused as propaganda against working women etc) I can understand what Hadababy is trying to say.
Whether people agree with it or not is just down to personal opinion.

[PearlyWhites]

Yanbu at all your ds will have a great time with grandparents , I just wish my children's Gp's were young enough to do the same for us.

[LtEveDallas]

I wouldn't do it, but that's because my parents / PILs are older and would have been (I think) unable to cope with a 4 year old. DH and I choose not to leave DD overnight/days, but that is our choice and just as acceptable as your choice.

If your parents are fine with it OP, and you feel your DS would have a better time at Grans than in Portugal, then I don't see the issue - as long as your DS is happy, and you are happy, then don't beat yourself up.

Hope you have a great time.

[froubylou]

I personally wouldn't do it. Especially if money is tight. I would rather the plane tickets be spent on family time together, day trips or a few days on a caravan park or even a last minute holiday abroad in sept that would be suitable for a 2 year old to go on.

Its very important that mums (and dads) spend some time away from the DC occasionally. A night in a hotel or a weekend perhaps. My DD has always seen my EXP and has gone away for long weekends and the like. But I didn't let her go for longer than 3 nights until she was 5 and old enough to understand the concept of 3 sleeps etc.

But I think 7 days is too long for a 2 year old. Even with doting GPs.

I do understand the complexities of new relationships when you have DC from previous relationships, especially if the new partner doesn't have DC or only has weekend contact and is more or less free to do what they want. My DD was almost 2 when I met my DP who has grown up DC. We have been abroad with DD many times from her being almost 3. We would love, love, love a week away together. But once DD was old enough to understand she would have been hurt that we had left her behind and felt excluded. Even though she goes away for 5 days with my EXP every year. But she's a child and allowed to have double standards lol.

So I do think you ABU. Your DC will get over it and won't suffer any long term effects. You and your DP will have a lovely time. I'm sure your DC will enjoy the first day or two of a holiday with GPs but will miss DM more and more as the week goes on. And I personally couldn't live with the guilt of leaving them behind whilst I went on a holiday, even if it was a cheap one that wasn't suitable for DC.

[Numberlock]

I remember my grandma so clearly, she has been gone for almost 30 years. I loved her almost as much as my Mum. My boys feel the same way about their grandparents, they adore them. Their feelings about being with their grandparents are very positive. I hope they remember every moment they got to spend there.

Thanks for posting that, Morloth.

Sadly my mum has dementia and is residential care now so my sons can't stay with her anymore. I am in the process of clearing out the family home and my boys have loved finding all the toys, books and games they used to play with when they stayed with her.

Hopefully this won't be a one-off for the OP's son and he will grow up with the same memories. In which case this first visit will be the start of a wonderful journey for him.

[AaDB]

In my opinion the vocabulary hadababy has use is inflammatory and judgment. On that basis I treat as I find.

10:14 rejected
10:25 separation and abandonment issues - not all 2 yos are insecure.
If she isn't "trying to beat the OP up", maybe staying that this is a "shoddy way to treat your baby". IMO this is insinuating the OP is neglectful in her care of her ds.

[AaDB]

Sorry my phone had mangled my posts.