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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on holiday?

154 replies

giantpurplepeopleeater · 25/07/2013 21:52

I have a DS, 2.7yrs. I live with DP who is not DS's Dad.

We got offered the use of an apartment in a few weeks in Portugal, a freebie from one of DP's friends. So we only have to pay for flights. It's going to be for 7 nights.

Apartment is in a quiet village, quite a way from the airport, and is in a private complex that isn't full of holiday lets, but generally where people live/ have second homes.

We decided it wasn't really the kind of holiday to take DS on, as we wouldn't be doing much, and that it would give us a chance to relax and get a break, so I have arranged for DS to stay with my parents.

DS hero worships my dad, and they help me out with childcare while I work, so I have no qualms about how he will be looked after, or that he won't enjoy it. My Mom won't be working at the time, and they have plans to spend some time with my sister and niece and take him on a day trip on a train. Smile

Ex has gotten wind of it and has made a couple of comments along the lines of him not being able to believe I am 'dumping' DS to go on holiday on my own, and how selfish it is. Also a friend's reaction was that she couldn't leave her DC for that long and won't I worry/ miss him.

Well of course I will miss him! But I know him and his grandparents are going to have a lovely time!

AIBU to go on holiday for a week without him????

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 25/07/2013 23:47

And- I'm not sure about the insinuations that fit and healthy grandparents in their 60's can't care for a small child. If they are ill, don't want to, find it too much, of course you shouldn't leave them, but out of our sets of grandparents, only one couldn't manage it for health-reasons, the rest are all hale and hearty and love having their children to stay (out of their parents' clutches and doing things their way)!

I stayed with my granny for a week every single year and I still remember how exciting it was waking up in her house. It can be really special (if the children are happy to do it and the grandparents are also health/happy about it too).

flipchart · 25/07/2013 23:48

Lovin' all the judgey types who are making assumptions about your parents. Some make them sound as if they should be in the Wonga advert!! You know your parents, they sound like they are looking forward to having him and so are your sister and niece.

It's going to be a holiday for your lad as well!

Jan49 · 26/07/2013 00:28

I wouldn't do it but I've never had family that I could leave my ds with. As you know he'll be happy with his gps, then that's fine.

letthemdrinkrose · 26/07/2013 00:50

I absolutely think you should do it. You're lucky to have family that are as equally happy to take him as he is to stay with them, and you are to leave him with them! And for those saying that you wouldn't do it: you're not being asked to! No one should judge in a situation where a child is happy and safely cared for, as in this one.

anothershittynickname · 26/07/2013 01:05

My eldest two aren't my husbands and when we first met we had lots of "us" time when they were at their dads.

When our own DS came along all that stopped - oh, hang on, no it didn't because I have wonderful in-laws who have him twice a year (long weekends) whilst we bugger off and forget we are parents, employees, cooks, cleaners, referees, educators, etc etc and remember why we fell in love!

We also have family holidays, short breaks, days out! Life is about balance - YANBU to go, go, enjoy and under Jo circumstances feel guilty :-)

anothershittynickname · 26/07/2013 01:06

Not sure who Jo is, NO* circumstances ;-)

anothershittynickname · 26/07/2013 01:13

God I loathe the precious moments types. "how can you leave your precious ickle pickle for a minute, its so precious, you selfish undeserving bitch"
Get a grip! If you want to spend every second with your kids, great, well for you. We don't all feel the same. Get the fuck over it and keep your judgey beaks out of others families.

The sole reason MT should have a like button!

apostropheuse · 26/07/2013 01:20

Go for it. It will do you the world of good and your son will be absolutely fine with his grandparents.

Episode · 26/07/2013 01:25

I think it's amazing that the precious types seem to ignore the fact that children can have just as good a time without mum or dad, and in fact often do! I always wondered if this extended attachment parenting is to do with satisfying the wants of the parent more than the child. OP go and enjoy the lay ins, adult time etc. Don't feel guilty about having some perspective and more importantly your own life! Chances are he'll enjoy GP's more than Portugal Smile

ihearsounds · 26/07/2013 01:26

I do it every year. Shocking isn't it. I work as well. Proper bad I am. I also have days away from my partner as well.

Everyone should have some down time. I am not talking about when you are working, because lets face it, that isn't really down time. You are doing other things.

I don't live in my partners pocket. Sod that. We do things separate. My dc's don't live in our pockets either. We do things as a family. But we also all respect the knowledge that sometimes we need a break from each other. Without breaks there is no way would I personally have survived the toddler and teen years. Also made it easier having breaks, when it came time for eldest to go off to uni.

Cannot believe the op was called a selfish bitch. Why is it selfish to want to do something that makes you happy, which in turn is a good thing for those around you?

pictish · 26/07/2013 01:38

I'd jump at the chance!!

minibmw2010 · 26/07/2013 07:30

Am quite jealous of you. We would love to do that but have no-one nearby who could have DS (2.3 years). Everyone's batteries need a recharge, even Mums and Dads. I spend all his waking hours making sure my DS is happy & healthy. I wouldn't see any problem in a week concentrating on me/DH. I'm sure we'd come home relaxed and recharged and DS can only win from that! Smile

middleagedspread · 26/07/2013 07:43

I think of it like putting ££ in the relationship investment account. DH & I remember why we like each other on holidays.
Don't feel guilty, DS will have a ball, the GPs will love having him & you & DP can have some couple time.
Win, win for all.

Latemates · 26/07/2013 08:09

is it possible that the father is complaining due to not being asked to care for son while you are away. In his shoes i'd be put out that i couldn't have this time with my child.
So NBU to have time with your new partner alone but unreasonable to not have offered this time to the father

Almostfifty · 26/07/2013 08:11

So, would people be saying the OP was unreasonable if her ex was taking her DC away for a week and she chose to go on holiday while he was away?

The only difference is that her parents, who he already stays with and loves, will be taking care of him.

Go and enjoy OP, in hindsight I wish I'd done the same when mine were small, instead of me being a martyr.

Latemates · 26/07/2013 08:17

oh course that would be reasonable as she would be promoting the sons relationship with father. no reaso why cant go to grandparents but why not father first seeing as he has 2 parents who apart and therefore 2 homes

Almostfifty · 26/07/2013 08:25

Crossed posts there late mates. How do you know the OP hasn't asked her ex? She said he goes away without the DC, which makes his stance rather hypocritical.

Musicaltheatremum · 26/07/2013 08:26

Enjoy it. I went away with my husband for a few mini breaks when mine were little. As long as they are being cared for that's all that matters. By the time they get to be older they won't remember you have been away but will have a fantastic relationship with grandparents.
My parents sometimes had to go away for business and my GPs looked after me. I just had a great time and my brother did too.

primallass · 26/07/2013 08:28

I am not being judgey at all, as it sounds bliss. However, I just wanted to flag up that at 2.5 my DS went to stay with my Mum and my (then teenage) brothers while I was in hospital having DD. It ended up 4 nights. We thought he would love it as they all adored each other, but he ended up with terrible separation anxiety that lasted until he was 6.

Latemates · 26/07/2013 08:29

OP states ex has gotten wind of it (so not discussed or looking like she was going to)
Not hypocritical if he goes away when son is with mum tho as son being with him while mum was away would be the same thing.
It would be hypocritical if he left son with his family while son was with h
im to go away for a week

Chopstheduck · 26/07/2013 08:31

Go and enjoy! We've done a few holidays without kids, or just with two of the kids. It hasn't done them any harm whatsoever, they are all very independent and confident. He is going to family that he is used to staying with, he will be absolutely fine.

Chopstheduck · 26/07/2013 08:32

i didn't even miss them! Shock Having a break and a bit of me time makes me a better parent really, I think. I appreciate the time with them more, and I am more relaxed for the break.

Whocansay · 26/07/2013 08:35

I would LOVE to be able to do this! Time on your own with your partner is precious and important. Go and have a wonderful time!

ModernToss · 26/07/2013 08:38

We used to do this quite often - my MIL (for all her other faults) was great about volunteering to take the kids for a week or so.

We had a great time, they had a great time, it strengthened that relationship ... DO IT.

melika · 26/07/2013 08:40

What gets me is when do you know if he goes on a holiday without his DS? Trying to make you feel you are a bad mother, he will be with loving grandparents for Gods sake. No comeback there for him, go and enjoy your week away. Grow a thick skin.

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