AIBU to go on holiday?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

I have a DS, 2.7yrs. I live with DP who is not DS's Dad.

We got offered the use of an apartment in a few weeks in Portugal, a freebie from one of DP's friends. So we only have to pay for flights. It's going to be for 7 nights.

Apartment is in a quiet village, quite a way from the airport, and is in a private complex that isn't full of holiday lets, but generally where people live/ have second homes.

We decided it wasn't really the kind of holiday to take DS on, as we wouldn't be doing much, and that it would give us a chance to relax and get a break, so I have arranged for DS to stay with my parents.

DS hero worships my dad, and they help me out with childcare while I work, so I have no qualms about how he will be looked after, or that he won't enjoy it. My Mom won't be working at the time, and they have plans to spend some time with my sister and niece and take him on a day trip on a train.

Ex has gotten wind of it and has made a couple of comments along the lines of him not being able to believe I am 'dumping' DS to go on holiday on my own, and how selfish it is. Also a friend's reaction was that she couldn't leave her DC for that long and won't I worry/ miss him.

Well of course I will miss him! But I know him and his grandparents are going to have a lovely time!

AIBU to go on holiday for a week without him????

[tomverlaine]

I don't think I'm a precious type but i don't think I could do it- but then my DS doesn't have the same kind of relationship with his grandparents so there isn't anyone I could leave him with knowing he'd be as happy as with me and DP. For me as well being away on holiday with him is a break from the relentless day to day pressures of juggling work/family - so its the best sort of time I have with him and the time when we go do all the fun things.
But I do think it puts pressure on my and Dp relationship to have very little time just the two of us.

[StayAwayFromTheEdge]

I can't see any reason why your DS can't go with you. Sunshine and pool - he would have a great time.

[mnistooaddictive]

I wouldn't do it. A week is a long time in the world of a 2 year old. Also for me, holidays are about family. Could you go for a long weekend and then spend some extra time with your son? I am not judgemental, I just disagree!

[vintagecakeisstillnice]

Go for it

If your ex makes any more comments just say fine what time do you want to pick him up at as you're so worried that he won't be with a parent.

From what you've said I think he'll back off pretty quick.

[WaitMonkey]

I'm not being precious by saying I wouldn't leave my children to go on holiday. I'm not saying I'm a better mum or love them anymore than anyone else. I'm just mentioned the fact that I wouldn't do it, I'd just miss them too much and I know the youngest especially would miss me terribly. I don't care what other parents do, why would I ?

[DoctorRobert]

YANBU

DH and I are going away for a week soon - DD will be 2.6 and staying with my parents.

As a SAHM and AP type, I have spent pretty much the past 2 years constantly with DD...obviously I will miss her, and it will be strange, but I can't bloody wait.

[Tattle]

Yanbu,if your ds is happy to stay with grandparents overnights then you should go for it,spending 24/7 with your children is not healthy imo.

I unfortunately don't have that luxury of my dd 3yr staying overnights at her grandparents no matter how much she loves them.
I almost went on holiday for four days without her but we tried her staying overnight once and it just didn't work.
Iv cancelled my holiday lost money because I'm an idiot,
on the bright side My dd scored a week holiday with me instead.
Tbf I felt guilty even thinking of going on a holiday and leaving her but that's because there was a high chance she wouldn't be happy til I was home.

You should really go.

[attheendoftheday]

YANBU though I personally wouldn't like to be away from.my kids for so long. I do think that your ex should be able to have ds for the week rather than your parents if he wants, though.

[AaDB]

I love my ds with my whole heart but I'd run to the airport like I was escaping Alcatraz.

If your parents are happy with the arrangement it sounds perfect. You can have precious moments when you get home.

If your ex is so bothered, he can look after his own child.

Our DC learn about being an adult by watching how we live. I want my ds to know he can be a good parent and have a social life. Your ds is very lucky to have a lot of love an attention from a wide circle of loving adults.

My ds comes first, I love spending time with him. I love my oh and would love a trip away. DH isn't keen and so last year we started going for weekends away with our own friends last year. I couldn't go on a holiday he would enjoy without him. A week relaxing in the sun sounds heavenly.

[AaDB]

I made a decision not to have nights away until ds was 5. Of course I miss him, but he is fine with his Dad. We don't have help with childcare and it makes it difficult to spend time with my Oh. We trend to tag team; not ideal but we make it work.

[hadababygirl]

I wouldn't, I just think a week is far too long and I think it would be easy for a 4 year old, who presumably has already had to undergo his dad moving out and a new partner moving in, to feel pretty rejected. Sorry OP, I do get it but I think in his shoes that's how the world will look.

I want to say yanbu, go for it, it's fine, but I don't think it is, I think it's unfair on your little boy. The fact you have a partner who isn't his dad is besides the point - I'd say the same if your partner was your DS's father, but the fact that he isn't means I think binding as a family is even more critical.

Sorry.

[hadababygirl]

Oh goodness just seen he's 2.

[pictish]

Nice going hadababygirl - nothing like a good beating with the guilt stick eh?

I don't agree with you. I think you're being a drama queen.

[AaDB]

OP, it's a shame your ex is selfish and feckless. If he was a good dad, this would be much easier for you and your parents. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

[Joiningthegang]

How lovely for you - what a great opportunity.

Enjoy yourself and ignore the haters - especially ignore your ex who I assume spends many weeks of the year away from his son.

Also ignore the "oh I couldn't possibly leave my dc for a week" - with the clear implication they are better mummies than you - stop it with your passive aggressive mummy ness please

[Latemates]

join the gang - their are many fathers who would love to have more time with their children - but if the mother makes it difficult and doesn't promote the relationship then it makes it very difficult

[Numberlock]

I think it would be easy for a 4 year old, who presumably has already had to undergo his dad moving out and a new partner moving in, to feel pretty rejected

Bollocks.

It all depends on how the OP presents it to her son which I'm sure will be along the following lines.

"You're going to have a wonderful time with grandma and grandad and I can't wait to hear all about it when I get back!"

I really don't get this "I never left my child till they were 18" shite and, more to the point, while that type of mum needs to go on about it.

I love spending time with my kids, without my kids, with friends, alone, away with work, with other family members .... and?

[hadababygirl]

I can assure you I'm nothing but a drama queen Pictish.

I want to agree and say yes, go. I could, certainly, try:

'Yes, sure, go, it really doesn't matter in your DS's world who looks after him and he won't miss you and in fact you'll come back and wonder why you didn't stay a fortnight.'

But, I don't agree. I'm sorry but I don't. Children know, and they feel, and they hurt. We've all experienced friends meeting up and not telling you or seeing pictures on Facebook of a night out that you weren't invited to, think how much that gnaws at you especially if you're feeling insecure anyway (and a 2 year olds world is insecure by its very nature) and think how that must feel when it's the person who loves you the most and you are two years old.

I think separation and abandonment issues are probably the most frightening thing a very young child can experience and he has already experienced one parent moving out. People often say 'he'll be fine' about babies and toddlers and what they really mean is 'he won't remember it,' true, he won't,but he will, somewhere.

Lest I am accused of being a 'drama queen' I don't think you'll give him permanent issues OP. I just think its a shoddy way to treat your baby - sorry, but I do.

[pictish]

Get a grip.

[pictish]

So hadababygirl - what if the OP had to travel for work, or go into hospital? What then?

[hadababygirl]

I haven't been rude to you Pictish, unless you think disagreeing with you is rude ...? Perhaps you do.

[RatUpADrainpipe]

Children know, and they feel, and they hurt

hadababygirl - beat OP up why don't you. Just because YOU can't bear to be parted from your offspring (they cut the umbilical cord for a reason you know!) doesn't mean that you have the right to start talking about separation issues and abandonment.

It's a week's holiday - and he is safe with grandparents who he adores.

You go and enjoy yourself OP - have a great time.

[hadababygirl]

That's slightly different isn't it, because its a necessity rather than a luxury.

Plus, it's easier to explain 'I am poorly' is something 2 year olds can process, only on a basic level but they can learn about hospitals and doctors and nurses and visit and gain yet more insight from that.

Less easy to explain 'I am going on a holiday without you because you wold note my it.' That's a slightly more adult concept.

Re the work example - again it can be explained but personally I wold look for a new job. But I do think they are not comparable examples.

[pictish]

I think you're being rude in suggesting that the OP going away for a week's holiday without her child, leaving him in the capable and loving care of his grandparents, will cause deep rooted abandonment issues.

[hadababygirl]

rat I am not trying to beat her up, I'm giving my honest opinion.

Like I say, I want to say go , have a great time, he'll be fine, but I don't think that it is the right thing to do, and this part of Mumsnet des canvass opinions so ... I have given mine. I haven't been rude to the OP or to anyone else.