To wonder what is wrong with talking to your child?

[SpanielFace]

Genuine question... Please don't flame me!

I've seen several threads on here criticising parents who talk loudly to their children in public, sing to them, encourage them to answer questions, and so on. "What colour is that flower? What noise does the cat make?" etc. Apparently this is called loud parenting, or performance parenting, or just plain pushiness.

DS is only 10 months, but I chat to him loads. Not loudly, not constantly (he has plenty of time playing by himself while I potter around doing things) - but I do tend to tell him what I'm doing, I point things out to him in the buggy, we read books, we sing action songs.

My understanding (from HV, Surestart centres etc) was that talking to and encouraging your baby was a Good Thing. In fact, I received a bookstart pack today with a free story book, and a leaflet of suggested activities ("Talk about what colours you can see in the book. Can you see any of these colours in your home? Can you make a noise like an owl?")

So who is right? Where is the line between interactive parenting and stimulating your baby, and pushy parenting? And am I one of these annoying "loud parent" types I keep reading about?

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

exotic

[WafflyVersatile]

Where did he pick up that habit, magickey?

[ICBINEG]

PP test.

You are alone in a cafe chatting to your toddler about inconsequential things, when someone else walks in.

Do you:

A) continue speaking to your child only maybe a little more quietly on the basis that the other person won't be interested in toddler chat.

B) continue speaking to your child only louder so that the other person can hear exactly how brilliant your child is.

PP is one of those things determined not by what you do (talking to your child about whatever the fuck you want) but by your intention....

It is impossible to know if someone else is doing it or not (so pull out your judgey pants from your ass) but perfectly possible to know if YOU are doing it.

[Balaboosta]

Yikes - this thread and others like it have now made me dread speak

[Balaboosta]

...ing to my DTs in public AT ALL. DS has Asperger's and I have to talk VV loudly and insistently to him... Meanwhile DS will have run away to play with friends or whatever so I will be shouting to her to come back - and I get very stressed and I have a naturally loud voice. This kind of thread does not make things easier. Even lighthearted judging is judging.

[SarahAndFuck]

Balaboosta - just talk to your child in the way you always would and forget everybody else.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks anyway, you know what you are doing. If you are PP-ing on purpose then it's likely you don't care what anyone else thinks about it and if you are not PP-ing and someone thinks you are, well, that's their mistake and you don't have to worry about it.

[fuzzpig]

AND just a general point, constant chattering/narration to children is NOT always good for them.

I agree. Silence can be very valuable IMO. It allows the mind to wander and daydream. :)

[wickeddevil]

Mostly this amuses me. Remember being someone in waitrose once who was doing they've whole "shall we have gooooooojons for supper darling" shit while looking pointedly at me.
Obviously had me down as a parent who wouldn't know what a goujon from a turkey twizzler. As if I cared. Thing was, she was at the till during this pantomime. i usually decide what to have for tea before i get to the till....

[exoticfruits]

I got rather lost Jamie on who is saying what! I think it is the sheer amazement that people still don't understand it. Balaboosta- you are not PP so carry on.

One last attempt- talk to your DC as if they are a normal person- they really are! You can speak loudly if you need to- I speak loudly to my mother,she doesn't hear well- you do however need pauses, you do not have to choose your conversation to impress bystanders and you can have silence to let your DC think.

[SarahAndFuck]

Actually I may or may not have been an audience to something like this on Tuesday.

Small child in a trolley said to me "After this we are going to Costa!"

Me: Are you? That's nice.
Child's Mother: For a fruit smoothie. We're having a fruit smoothie aren't we.
Me: That's nice.

It hadn't occurred to me to think the child might be having a coffee, but perhaps I look the type to pump caffeine into a child. Or like I expect everyone else to and judge.

In actual fact it took me until now to think about it as anything else than a child talking to me and a parent joining in.

[exoticfruits]

I really give up!

How on earth is that PP, Sarah.

It was a perfectly normal conversation initiated by the child.

I have run out of ways to explain.

[SarahAndFuck]

Give up then. And get over yourself while you are at it.

You don't have to explain anything to me.

I've been fairly light-hearted on every comment I've made in this thread.

The child made an innocent remark. The mother made a point of clarifying what they were having. I thought nothing else off it and said so here. That was my point. Some people might have thought that was PPing by the mother, yes they were going to Costa but only for the fruit smoothies, not for, God forbid, a coffee.

This thread made me smile at the reasons she might have had felt the need to point that out to me.

You're taking this far too seriously, not everyone posting is being quite so rigid.

[SarahAndFuck]

*She might have had to feel the need...

[YouTheCat]

That's not real PP though. Real PP doesn't actually involve the child (other than it being present).

[SarahAndFuck]

YouTheCat Does it matter?

People are talking on a thread, some people are sticking less rigidly to the PP rules than others.

It was a mildly connected story that made me smile as it might or might not have been this woman's way of ensuring she wasn't being judged for buying her five year old a cappuccino. Which is something that never crossed my mind anyway, so she had no need to worry or explain.

It wasn't an invitation for exotic bang on at me because she feels not everyone is listening to her and her rules for what counts as PP and she gives up and has run out of ways to explain to everyone just why she is right and we are wrong.

It's a conversation, not everyone is taking it as seriously as others.

[YouTheCat]

In the grand scheme of things, no it doesn't matter. It can be amusing though when it is taken to extremes.

[dontgowadingin]

I always talk to LO , she is nine weeks. This morning I talked to her about if I wanted to buy tinned herbed tomatoes OR tinned with out. We choose with put. She did look a bit shocked though when I shown her the garlic!

She loves it and totally understands every word I say

[SarahAndFuck]

Yes it can, and I've never said otherwise, or claimed that my post was the best (worst) example of PP ever witnessed.

It was just an anecdote and perhaps you had to be there to see how quickly the mother explained and repeated the fruit smoothie bit.

I don't know, maybe it's the heat getting to people, but I thought the response I got was unnecessary and over-reacting to what was said.

[SarahAndFuck]

*over-reacting to what I said.

I have clearly lost the ability to type in the heat

[exoticfruits]

I'm sorry to upset you- it was merely frustration that people can't seem to tell the difference between PP and talking to your child. My fault- I just wish that I could get it across but I have run out of ideas it seems that either you get it or you don't. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things,except that it is sad if it puts people off perfectly normal talking to babies and small children. Very few people PP , which is why it is so funny if you come across it.

[MmeLindor]

[offers chilled fruit smoothies to everyone]

[SarahAndFuck]

I'm not upset. And I get it, I really do, but like I said to Balaboosta, it doesn't matter if anyone else does or not. Just talk to your children and don't worry about anyone else thinks.

If you are PP-ing you are not likely to care if people realise that's what you are up to and if you are just talking and someone judges you wrongly as being a PP-er, well, so what, it's their problem, not yours.

[SarahAndFuck]

Anyway, peace, it's too hot for misunderstandings.

[dontgowadingin]

Wow! What a palavaaaaaaa!

[exoticfruits]

I think MN need a new smiley for this weather- ice- creams for all!
Hopefully OP feels free to talk to her baby.