to have not enjoyed this family holiday? am i completely selfish and just an AWFUL parent?

[dirtyface]

went away last week with dh and our 2 dcs aged 4 and 7

its the first time we have been away as a whole family (for various reasons) and i was really looking forward to it. but mostly it was hard work and pretty shit.

the kids are usually pretty good at home. but on holiday, they played up, fought, acted spoilt, constantly demanded things, moaned that things were "boring" , pissed about at bedtime till all hours as they were so excited, woke us up early every morning, we barely got 2 minutes together. and managed one shag the whole time so i was grumpy and irritable, as was DH. and we absolutely haemorraged money on god knows what so both of us were a bit stressed cos of that.

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused. so i was EXHAUSTED and miserable by the time we got home and had never been so glad to be home from a holiday in all my life

is this what its like? i bet we spent two grand all in (that includes paying for the actual holiday itself). and for what?

the kids had a good time at least i might add!

sorry if i sound a massive ungrateful so and so - am prepared to be told i am

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I don't accept that holidays with children are crap. They are very different to holidays without kids, that is all.

We ditch bedtimes, they have a nap in the afternoon. We take them to see things, rather than necessarily doing child-focused things all the time.

We don't self-cater though, only when we go to my parents holiday home. 3 days in an expensive hotel which is geared up for children at mealtimes is ten times more relaxing than a week in a cottage/villa where you are trying to self-cater but you haven't got all your usual equipment and resources.

[freddiefrog]

Sounds like most of our family holidays to be honest. I'm holding on to the fact that in a few more years DH and I can leave them all behindnwih a takeaway menu and sod off by ourselves. Just once will do

We go camping. I hate it. I hate carting most of the contents of our house half way across the country to live in a tent for a week. I still end up cooking and nagging the kids to wash occasionally. I hate sand and beaches unless I can drape myself across a sun lounger with a good book, I hate all the daddy longlegs-wasp-ness of it all. Did I mention how much I hate camping?

But actually, when we get there and all set up and I'm having a nice glass of wine in my camping chair until it rains I do quite enjoy it.

Saying that, I have put my foot down and just booked a week abroad next year, pools, kids clubs, baby sitters, nice restaurants, and no hike to the loo at 3am - I figured that it was about time I chose the family holiday

[kerala]

Looked into eurocamp seemed extortionate in high season. Also dh refuses to camp (mutters about refugee camps and proximity to other people's children) so that is out for us. Love house swaps though our swap in Spain had private pool (smug). Our house is quite nice and we live in a beautiful city that Italians seem keen to visit. They like to visit England in August to escape the heat which we love as long as you have beach or pool to cool down in us manageable for us.

[cory]

We've done all sorts of holidays with our dc: cottage, hotel, staying with family, even long distance travel by train- we've enjoyed them all.

The trick is not to go overboard on pleasing only some members of the family (=dc) as this is bound to breed resentment and you will feel disappointed if they are not grateful little angels throughout.

Instead, we try to make sure that there is some time doing things that the dc would have chosen, some time for mum to choose and some time for dad: and while it is your turn the others just have to put up with it (or sulk if they prefer that).

So a family holiday with the corydoras would typically be a mix of beach, medieval cathedrals, woods, art galleries, restaurants, shops and just wandering around aimlessly. The adults would put in extra work to make their choices interesting to the younger ones- but we wouldn't necessarily have expectations on them to be interested.

tbh I would not however expect a family holiday to include much time for just dh and me- that has to come during the rest of the year (or in a separate holiday for just the two of us).

My rule in life is to try to avoid things that I will resent afterwards- and that would include a whole holiday that is only for the benefit of dc.

Another rule is to be flexible about what you consider a success: sometimes the hardship can be what really binds you together and makes good memories. A holiday where it rained all the time and the roof leaked doesn't have to be a bad holiday.

[PassTheTwiglets]

Oh Christ no, YANBU. Holidays with kids aren't holidays, simple as that. Especially beach holidays - it's basically just packing and unpacking sandy bags for a week, isn't it? I can't say I enjoy holidays with them but I do it for them, knowing that I'm making memories for them memories of mummy getting stressed, mainly I tend to see the day part as something to be coped with and then see the evening part as my time. Wine also really, really helps.

[Branleuse]

many of the eurocamp sites have 2 free kids clubs a day of 2 hours each, where you can leave your kids and they do cool stuff like tshirt making and circus skills

we only discovered this this year and omg, 4 hours a day of respite, made it a holiday for US as well as them

[BerkshireMum]

Manage your expectations! Mine are now older (9 and 11) and they know it's my holiday too. We all compromise. We self cater in Cornwall and have been for eight years. They have to load and unload the dishwasher, help set and clear the able and pack / unpack picnic lunches. I plan meals in advance - might not sound like fun for a holiday but it makes it loads easier - and base it on food that everyone will eat and what DH and DC can help to prepare. More pizza and burgers than I'd usually permit!

They are allowed to stay up later in the evening as long as they are playing somewhere or reading whilst DH and I enjoy a drink, read or do a jigsaw - no TV or screens allowed except on the long car journeys and at 10pm for 30 minutes for the news! Cuts out the bedtime moans and evenings spoiled by whining and it also means they sleep in after a couple of later nights. We often walk up to the pub for a drink or eat out - pizza or basic bbq on the beach which they love.

Surf schools are my lifeline - 2.5 hours of physical activity where my are totally free of responsibility for them. Lessons at noon give me and DH chance for a lazy lunch or snooze.

[Jinty64]

I have three ds's two of whom have ADHD. we have tried various holidays, some more successful than others. Camping was a disaster and we have never been abroad.

I now take the boys (without dh) to a caravan park an hours drive from home. It is on the beach and has entertainment and lots to do on site. I take i pods, ds's etc and it works out fine. Dh, however, couldn't stand it. He visits a couple of days whilst we are there and takes them fishing etc. it works for us.

[Kat101]

I have found that taking grandparents was a red herring. They never helped with child care, wanted the best bits of the kids and their own time too leaving me with all the sled catering chores and fuck all else. A rainy week in the south west finished me and we're going abroad next year to apartments specifically for toddlers and making life easier for parents. Minus the grandparents. Tripadvisor is your friend.

[Kat101]

*self catering not sled catering

[aldiwhore]

Our holidays used to be just like that, until last year where we split the days up into smaller chunks, we had a lovely time in May... I was astounded.

We also bought a load of 'stuff to do during downtime' from a crappy outlet village, and also sent the boys to bed early but with my laptop playing a film.

[Hullygully]

goodness

we have had loads of trips with our dc all over the world since they were tiny and they have been brilliant.

the way we do it is to a) see it as a chance to all spend time together and yes, of course, it has to be extremely child-focussed, BUT what we do is choose where we want to go and what we want to do and then adapt. So we would drive a Winnebago around the States, camp at campgrounds with bonfires (and other kids around) so we could sit and drink Margaritas, or when we drove down the Keys, go to all the seal parks n stuff and the beach and whatever else there was to do.

I don't think kids mind what they do as long as you make it fun.

Another eg, we went to a garden festival in France every year and went round the 20 gardens scoring them out of ten to choose a winner. They BEGGED to go to that festival after that for years.

It's about attitude innit? Enjoy your kids and doing stuff together.

That sounds very preachy and arse buggery, but I can't imagine hating and wasting holidays...

[Hullygully]

I also don't understand the "no point in going abroad when they are young" thing

whyever not?

I'd much rather do childcare in a sunny and interesting place with new things to look at and do. And they start learning about difference and the wide world from a really young age. They eat the food, see other people, get used to travelling, get flexible, they imbibe without even knowing it that the world is a large and exciting place and everyone is different.

[thebody]

Sorry had to re read your post. Y

your kids are 4 and 7 and they spoiled your family holiday?

Also this is the first time you have all been away together?

Haven't read the whole thread but don't actually understand the above.

Think you should stop reading celeb magazines and pics of them and their children( leaving out the nanny)

[froubylou]

I have always loved my holidays with DD. Who is now 9 and we've been going abroad for cheapy beach holidays since she was 2.

I find splitting the days up a lot helps. And I also refuse to cook anything other than the odd slice of toast or maybe a pizza.

In the morning its choose time. Beach or pool. Late afteroon its a long walk and maybe a late lunch somewhere. Back to the room for a siesta about 5pm, up at 7pm and out for tea at about 8pmish.

With regards to cost, cheap AI is better if you have a couple of kids I think. You can eat out at night a couple of time if you want, usually using the money we have saved on icecreams/drinks/snacks during the day.

If its a day on the beach we buy sandwhiches from the local spa shop or whatever and crisps. If we are having a pool day I buy big bottles of pop/water and keep a couple in the fridge in the room and probably have the sandwhiches or maybe a pizza or salad in the room.

We may do 1 day in a waterpark (hell!!) to keep DD happy but the rest of the time we mooch, chill and potter.

I always take pens, paper and maybe a doll or similar out with us in the evening to keep DD occupied, and the last year or 2 its been her DS or games on my phone.

[thebody]

You can make your kids a burden or you can enjoy them. Unless they have difficult special needs then its your call.

I would give my right arm for mine to be 7 and 4 again.

Sorry to he preachy or patronising but you do realise this is probably your easiest ages with them until they are grown up don't you.

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

We "holidayed" with the children in April and went to a Haven place in Somerset. I was surprised by how much DH & I enjoyed it. We expected it to be hell on Earth with bickering kids and dull as shite activities. In the end, we had a ball, probably because our expectations were so low!

I wouldn't do a 'proper' holiday while the kids are so young. Hotels are a PITA with Smalls in tow, sightseeing is boring for little kids. We'll stick to Haven and the like until they're old enough to not be totally intolerable on a real holiday abroad!

[MrsFlorrick]

Yanbu!! Family holidays don't compare favourably to the ones you had as a couple!!

Have been on two now. DC are 2 and 4. We recently went away for two weeks- first time as a foursome. We had taken our oldest before youngest was born.

We did use hotel nanny and kids club facilities which helped. DC were well behaved mostly which helped too.

However, its exhausting. I ended up diving and snorkelling while DC were with nanny at kids club (hotel nanny not ours). And out at restaurants at night. So I basically didn't sit down for the whole two weeks.

It's my own fault. I should have sat down and read books while DC were being looked after but I didn't want to "waste" the only free time I have had in 4 years so I hooned around like a mad thing.

And all the packing unpacking. The stressful flapping around at airports etc etc.

And making sure DC didn't drown themselves in pools or the sea. And the effing 30 hour delay with Easyjet on return and bring sat on plane on the stand for over 5 hours with wailing toddlers and no food. Nightmare!!!! That was self inflicted as we chose to fly easyjet.

My oldest DCs only comment about the holiday was that she'd like to go again but not ever with the orange plane (easyjet you've lost a customer there).

OP. seriously you are not being ungrateful. Family holidays are stressful mega expensive and if you are over the age of 16, a bit shit really.

[Hullygully]

sightseeing isn't boring.

There are towers to climb and castles to scale, piazzas to runa round in and eat ice cream, fountains to splash in etc.

You just have to see it through their eyes

[Perihelion]

A purely sandy beach is dull, rock pools, nets and buckets are needed for children. Also wetsuits for everyone especially in the UK. It means that the kids can stay in the water for longer and rain doesn't mean no beach fun. Totally agree about going with friends. But I limit my drinking so I can function in the mornings.

[Sirzy]

I don't accept that holidays with children are crap. They are very different to holidays without kids, that is all.

This!

You have to be realistic in your expectations but holidays with children can be great fun!

[justmyview]

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused this leapt out at me from OP. We've had brilliant family holidays and I'm surprised how many people here have had negative experiences.

We go self-catering. Dishwasher is a deal breaker for me. We order food from Sainsburys and have it delivered directly to the holiday house, so we're not carting it around. Mostly, we eat pizzas, ready meals & food from a disposable BBQ at night, or sandwiches if we've been out for lunch (not very exciting, but we have more varied food at home and it's difficult cooking in a strange kitchen). We have more crisps & treats than at home, to make mealtimes feel a bit more of a treat

We have done some UK home exchanges, via an agency. All very successful. No, you don't have to live in a mansion. No, you don't have to live in a popular tourist destination (I guess it helps if you do, but people have all sorts of reasons for wanting to visit all sorts of places). You tend to get a larger house than you'd be willing to pay for if you were paying for self-catering, plus the kitchen and DVD shelves are likely to be better equipped

I think activities for the whole holiday shouldn't revolve around the children. We visit ruined castles, parks, a bit of shopping, walks on the beach.

[ImperialBlether]

EuroCamp holidays in France are good with children that age. They have the freedom to run around with their new friends all day (it made me realise how little freedom they had at home) and you can relax or take them to nearby towns or to the beach. If you take their bikes with you, you won't see them for hours on end.

[Nornironmum]

I love our family holidays. We hire a villa, so lots of room, when dc go to bed, we can sit out. Doc are 3 and 6. They love the pool and beach, bad are both very good on holiday. We take ds and iPad and we can have nice meals out, and they generally behave very well. Have been taking them away from 6 weeks old, so maybe they are used to it.

[KellyElly]

I always find kids clubs are great on hotel holidays abroad. They can have fun for a couple of hours while you get to relax/sunbathe/read and then have some family time in the afternoon followed by a siesta and then dinner together. I'm a single parent and DD is nearly four and I'd probably even have a holiday with her on my own and enjoy it. It is different than holidays pre children and not as relaxing but still a break from work, cooking and cleaning :)