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AIBU?

To leave a 'friends' house after watching him hit his 9 year old.... V hard

145 replies

Yummyummy · 02/07/2013 18:36

20 stone bloke, after about 10 beers and a few spirits..... His daughter caught his foot by accident running by, he turned round and walked over to her and absolutely belted her across her bare thigh ( she was in a vest top and shorts)

Me dh and our dc walked calmly to the door, dh said he didn't feel comfortable with what we just witnessed , we r leaving and we drive home 40 miles even though we should have stayed over.

Now receiving emails asking why we havent been in touch since and how we should apologise for leaving and questioning him in his own house.

He's getting even angrier that we haven't responded so far. Coming through thick and fast and I am actually a tiny bit concerned thinking if he could hit his child like this ten what is he capable of?

Not sure how to deal with this :/ don't want to any ANY fuel

OP posts:

Report

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 02/07/2013 21:22

Should add, yes, you were braver than most to walk out. Most people would awkwardly sit and stay and b silent. You did, at least, walk out. That was something. The next step, the actual big brave step, is reporting and getting her out.

Dorange · 02/07/2013 21:30

I disagree
OP would be brave to stay and confront BOTH parents friends.
Walk out = coward..

jamdonut · 02/07/2013 21:32

I think some people are being a little hard on you OP,you did what you felt was right in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it is difficult to know what to do in awkward situations. One person's 'reasonable chastisement' is someone else's 'beating',though I have to say this sounded very unreasonable.

However, if you are now scared by him, I think you should let the police know exactly what happened, and show them the e-mails and let them sort the sorry mess out.

BehindLockNumberNine · 02/07/2013 21:34

Yes, compared to sitting there and condoning it, it was brave to walk out (grudgingly proffers this to OP)

BUT, it would have been braver to walk out and immediately phone SS/Police. Not just walk out and then forget it ever happened, which is how your action will look to the family. And they will think that to ignore = to condone.

And I am a little bit concerned you have not shown any concern for the girl, her siblings and her mother. You have only posted your fears for yourself...

Fakebook · 02/07/2013 21:35

If you are such good friends and were planning on staying over you would have had the balls to stay and ask this man why he did what he did and try to make him see the error of his ways. You could have protected his children over night and then spoken to him again in the morning.

Your husband and you are cowards. Nothing more. You're not very good friends either.

Yummyummy · 02/07/2013 21:36

Deranged dorange you can't confront a father who is drunk and beyond reasoning. With three of our own children in tow, two of which are crying already and thankfully a baby who is too young too understand

OP posts:

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/07/2013 21:41

I agree with Behind.

By leaving like that with the comment, you could have angered him more - and who will he take his anger out on?

I appreciate it must have been shocking and scary,

but

I think you need to do something now - ring the NSPCC for guidance

Dorange · 02/07/2013 21:41

Another reason to call the police.

YellowTulips · 02/07/2013 21:42

I am with Dorange on this.

Sorry, I appreciate its a terrible situation to be in but I see no point in being less than honest here, especially when the tenor of all the OP's posts are about her and her DH's fears - very little about the child who was hit.

The bitter truth is that not reporting abuse and not doing your best to stop it when you witness it does make you an enabler.

The sooner society accepts this as a whole the safer children will be.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/07/2013 21:43

Actually, if you feet that threatened, you need to call the police.

Dorange · 02/07/2013 21:43

If was so horrible as you paint, YOU and YOUR DH and YOUR children were scared and crying just by witnessing the scene, how on earth could you live????
Report now

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 02/07/2013 21:44

Are you going to phone the police, OP?

She could be victim to this kind of thing again. Seriously do think about it.

FWIW I don't see any malice behind taking your children away from a potentially dangerous situation. But I do wish you had contacted police as you don't know what that girl might go through every day with that man or might be victim to after you left.

YellowTulips · 02/07/2013 21:44

Another cross post OP.

Lets move on from what you did.

What are you going to do now?

Dorange · 02/07/2013 21:47

If you confronted him and he started to turn violent you could cal 999 and they would be there in a flash. You just needed to say few words: Drunk man physically abused his 9 year old and is threatening me and my family. Police can track your location and be there in 5 minutes.
I bet he wife and all the kids need help. You are the only one at the moment who can give this help. What are you gonna do and how do you manage to sleep every night?
When did this happen?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/07/2013 21:57

Have you called the police yet? Or have you left children in danger and fear for even longer than they already have been?

CrapBag · 02/07/2013 21:58

You should have phoned the police the minute you walked out.

You said the mother was sat there and did nothing. Sounds like a common occurence to me.

I don't care that you think people are being unfair. I understand you had to get your kids out of there, I would have done exactly the same. But I also would have phoned the police as soon as I was in the car.

Yummyummy · 02/07/2013 21:59

Cowards and doing nothing?

sorry but u have no idea what I've been doing.The fact I'm not going to post it doesn't mean u need to have a go.

I'm leaving this thread. I wanted advice and some good people have given it to me. For that I am very very grateful.

For the others who would have done it different??? Well all I can say is 'sometimes' we react different when we r truly scared for our children and in the heat of the moment. I'm not some cruel person who left a child to get a pasting good god....i left because it diffused the situation and did not prolong it. Our prescence would have sustained his anger. Of course I am scared for his children. I have been driving myself crazy with guilt, fear, intimidation, everything. And everyday I have to face them, alone, with my children.

I feel for his children and wife way more than I do myself. If my post came across otherwise then that's unfortunate. I wrote it quick as I felt at that time I had just reviewed his other email, so that was fresh in my mind.

I don't feel this needs to be justified though really.

I wanted advice, not a pasting that I didn't do the right thing, when at the time I still believe I did do the right thing.

OP posts:

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/07/2013 22:00

Sorry to be so harsh op, but seriously, if you're scared, how the hell must his wife & kids feel? Report it. Please.

HelenMumsnet · 02/07/2013 22:00

Evening. And thanks to all the posters who have reported this thread to us.

We completely agree with all those who have urged the OP to contact the relevant authorities as soon as possible. We hope she has already done so.

As this thread is in AIBU and not in Relationships, where links to suitable sources of help and support are flagged on every thread, we're going to post some details here - for the OP (in case she hasn't acted yet) and for anyone else who is posting/lurking and finds herself in a similar situation.

So please have a read of our webguide full of resources about domestic violence.

As well as the police (101 or, in an emergency, 999) and the NSPCC (call the 24-hour helpline on 0808 800 5000 - you can remain anonymous if you wish - or mail [email protected] or text 88858), there is a free 24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/07/2013 22:01

The advice is clear: phone the police.

Dorange · 02/07/2013 22:01

You aid you sent his kids to the bedroom
Do you really think he couldn't go there after you left and bit the crap out of them all and his wife too?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/07/2013 22:01

X posts. Thank you mnhq.

Yummyummy · 02/07/2013 22:02

Dorange I do appreciate that but we do not have police within a 5 minute call out. That I do know. Unless one by chance is passing in our area we are 38 minute from our local station and that is when it's open.

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 02/07/2013 22:03

Yummy, I don't think you're a coward, I think you did what you felt to be the right thing in the heat of the moment with adrenaline flowing at full pelt.

Please call someone about this situation - NSPCC can give you good advice, if you don't want to go straight to the police and / or SS (though FWIW I think you should speak to both)

Dorange · 02/07/2013 22:05

Yep we don't have any idea of what you have being doing. We just have your OP. And it does seems that the only reason you are still worried is because of his emails.
Sorry, the truth hurts sometimes.

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