to ask what you would say to people...

[whatacrappyweekendthatwas]

If you could tell them exactly what you thought with no repercussions. Just speak your mind for a few minutes.

I have PMS btw and am in a bad mood. Yes this is pathetic I know. But better I say it here than in RL I guess.

PILS, I hate the way you treat my dds like second best to DSD because she is your 'real' GD. I hate the way you phone her on her birthday and not my dds, who notice and feel hurt. I hate the way you give her special presents and cards. This is one of the reasons you do not come on holiday with us in the summertime even though you invite yourself every year and we make excuses. That, and the fact that FIL is an alcoholic weirdo. PS FIL, your beard makes me ill and I hate when you kiss me and hug me when we haven't seen each other for a while.

Cousin who I see regularly - I think leaving your young baby dd to 'bawl for half an hour so she learns to self soothe' is cruel and horrible and much worse than giving my dcs sweets sometimes that you judge me for doing.

DH - you need to floss your teeth.

World - I will BF my DS for as long as we both want to so please stop asking.

That is all. If anyone else wants to join me in saying what they would like to say to people in their lives but can't please feel free.

X: we have never spoken about your HIV other than through coded conversations. you know I know. I know you are scared of dying but you must stop having unprotected sex. i know someone did this to you & you have to cope with it & I know it is easier to continue rather than change your thinking. because someone is responsible for their own protection that does not mean its ok for you to infect them if they are careless. you know what careless leads to.

and I know the medication is fairly effective now but FUCKING HELL i don't know the name for what you do. you look like shit and i wonder who still wants to have sex with you. either they are very fucked up or you don't want to admit you are in fact celibate, which i think is highly likely.

I know your head is in a mess and you have some sort of death wish... to end the waiting?

and I know you have taken xmeth in the last few years - you were a complete weirdo that time we met you in the pub & where were you going? who were you going to see? i think it thrilled you to know it might send you on a final downwards trajectory and you did it anyway. this is very far away from normal.

I know you create drama so you don't need to think, but you need to stop all of this crazy behaviour and give yourself time to grieve. you put up a good front but you need to stop all of this and keep taking the pills - for whatever your actual list of conditions is. sometime i wonder where the lies start and end.

you are getting old and your luck is going to run out.

i am so sorry how your adoption worked out and that you were born in homophobic times. i know you have always been alone. where you groomed at school? i know you said not but you did not convince anyone.

despite your many, many faults (i think you are a thief and a fraudster by the way), you have many friends who care about you. its going to be tough till you sort out the latest around of self inflicted disaster, but don't leave this world just yet.

You both make me sad, angry and upset for not speaking to each other and refusing to see the other's point of view. It affects the whole family and I hate how no one will ever talk about it or acknowledge thye fucking great big elephant in the room at 'family' gatherings. It makes me not want to go and I hate that. Just bloody swallow your pride and drop the feeling hurt and accept the other has a right to feel hurt too, both of you.

I would tell everyone who keeps dropping hints about when DP and I are going to have kids that I am not infertile, that I am not too selfish to give up my lifestyle, that I'm not 'putting my career first', that I'm not lacking in maternal instincts - but that the real reason that I'm not pregnant is that we haven't had sex for 4 years, thanks to the stress of TTC, and DP's refusal to go for all the tests that I had to go through.

So called friend : it fucking hurt when i realised you care far less about me than i cared about you. you showed your true colours when i moved away from everyone i knew and you couldnt even be fucked to text me or call me or visit me despite my effort. im going to delete you off facebook, not sure why i havent done it already. maybe im waiting for you to realise what you did and apologise. i hope someone does this to you sometime so you can realise someone you thought was your best friend is a shallow lazy bitch who needs to stop living in the fantasy world they inhabited at 15.

Extended family : please can we all start being honest with each other?

to the waste of space

im done with trying to help you have a relationship with your children. it is not their responabilty to phone you, to write to you. i do not have to pay you for the privilage of looking after them.

i am done with the abusive emails. and fyi you did not save my life, and you where infact abusive. spending all the money on drink. calling me names. gas lighting me. hiding tablets in my food, pinning me and spittin gin my face did happen. i a m not just a bum on the dole, i do have friends and fmaily that care for me.
the kids will not suddenly wake up at age 14 and decided to run into your arms with out a care in the world after no contact at all.

i hate youand wish youd get fucked by a prikly catus.

i could say this to him. but it woudl get me no where, and besides i have cut all contact yesterday when i got his last delusional abusive email. by id love to say it to his face.

MIl: I'm worried about you. I think you have early signs of dementia. I'm not medical, but I've seen my grandparents with it. Repeating stories and forgetting timings are not you. Please go to the doctor and discuss it. None of your family will tell you because everything you do is revered.
Please also teach fil how to cook and look after himself rather than humphing and doing it yourself when he asks how to. Otherwise when you can't do it then he will need looking after. He can do it, it's just easier for him to pretend he can't.

Dm and df: The way I feel about db is mostly due to the way you pampered him. You were scared of telling him his behaviour was unacceptable so you asked everyone around to pretend it wasn't a problem. And you made him and everyone think he was a genius. it hasn't done him any good.
I get on fine with him now but it is not helped by you telling me exactly how I have to behave round him. I usually am going to do what you're pestering me to do, but I feel like not doing it when you're going on about it.

BIL: You are irritating. I know you think you're the bees knees and elbows, but actually your constant stream of bragging is just wearing and boring. And no, you're not a good uncle, so please stop telling my dc that you're their best uncle because you're not, and you haven't convinced them anyway.
You don't have to have everything better than dh and sil too. So far you've moved house three times and bought four new cars. All coincidently after one of your siblings has done so. It's pathetic really. And it's amazing how you just have to let us know with photos when you've done it-just so we can recognise your car, Actually we, and sil are happy with our lives. We are not jealous, so stop carrying on as though you think we are. It's the only time you contact us-to tell us what you've got we don't care.
And your ds is overweight. Entirely down the your parenting rule of must make sure he eats non stop to stop him pestering us. The fact the hv said he was, is not because she has to fill out forms. He is: 32lb is very heavy for a 1yo.
And next time someone asks us to pass something on for you. You can jolly well do it yourself rather than "forgetting" and asking dh to bring them over. Yes we only live 40 minutes drive from you, but have you forgotten the Christmas presents you were asked to pass to us that year we didn't have a car? We got them in May. And that was only because we borrowed a car and dropped in on you. Next time you can do the running.

To the world - When you ask 'now you're married, i guess you;ll be having babies soon' and then look at me like im mad when i say we're in no rush - we are TTC but i have problems and its taking a long time. So FUCK OFF so me and dh dont have to blush and he doesnt have to squeeze my hand to stop me crying

and to my neighbour - nobody wants to see your 60 year old topless body - put a t-shirt on to cover your disgusting beer belly!

Dear Collegue. I have been extremely patient with you this year and DO NOT deserve you treating me like shit in return. I understand your mum is terminally ill, I have been totally supportive of you including telling you not to feel guilty about taking time off to take her to appointments etc.
I began working with you with an open mind - thinking others just hadn't given you a chance - and you know what? You DO have a heart of pure gold but your such a DL with zero people skills - think before you speak and stop barking orders at people and questioning what they are doing and why.
Do you think I don't know you slag me off at every given opportunity? I have ears you know and everyone keep me in the loop about what you've recently said.
I gather the information you gave me about the position/ job was to make a point? I didn't realise that when I interviewed for the position a an external candidate you had also applied a an internal one doing PT work and overtime when asked.
I DID know you had gone through the promotion process when I did a few years ago having secured a FT position - I DID know you had not got it but did not know or speculate why.

Mum: go to the fucking Mediterranean FOR ONCE on holiday BEFORE YOU DIE and sit somewhere lovely with tumbling bougainvillea and a cool drink, PLEASE, rather than being driven round the same square fifty miles of Northern France every year and visiting all the fucking classic car museums. We will take you there, we are happy to choose somewhere suitable and yes, thoroughly investigate the toilets/food/car hire standards/supermarkets etc beforehand, we just don't offer because I can't take the emotional wear and tear of listening to all the little reasons why not you and dad will throw in the way, which basically amount to a FEAR OF LIFE.

Dad: Read the above and act accordingly.

Both parents: Please get rid of this strange and destructive idea that you need to worry about me and brother when we're single, and you don't need to worry about us when we're not. It is, when you stop to think about it for even one second, absolutely moronic.

Brother: I really want to see you more often, we're both a bit rubbish about keeping in touch, but there is now added awkwardness cos I feel I can't ask to see you without your (very lovely) wife. But I like us hanging out together alone sometimes, like we did as kids.

Colleague 1: You are actually disgusting. I have seen you twice coming out of the toilet without washing your hands. I know you think it's unnecessary but you have just been holding your willy and have probably got a little bit of wee on it as well. Then you walk around the building touching door handles and computers etc. You are vile. You seem to take pride in the fact that your house is a mess and that your children are dirty. Why?! Please tell me why?! It's fucking revolting and not the sign of some hippy liberatedness- it's just fucking dirty. Don't ever touch me and stop making me feel like an idiot because I am ruthlessly clean. Using hand gel, washing my hands regularly and cleaning my house from top to bottom twice a week does not make me insane.

DAunty: Your kids are failures. You and your DH worked really hard in your careers and you privileged education but you kids have failed miserably. One has got a school-leavers job for about £15,000 a year and the other is so average at life it makes me actually want to cry. So stop going on to my mum about how great they are- they're not and my mum fucking knows it. Also, being a grandparent isn't the most bestest thing in the world. I know you are just trying to make my mum feel bad because she will never be a grandparent. Stop it, you bitch. You're in your 60s so you should know better. Cunt.

DFIL: You behavior is appalling. You left MIL after 40 years for OW, yet you insist on controlling her life. Stop calling her ffs, stop dropping by and checking what she is up to. And what were you thinking when you left your washing for her to do the other day? And try to listen to what your DS is actually telling you for once.
Your girlfriend is disgusting btw. And don't even think to try and introduce her to your grandchildren.

PIL : I need to head home now so I can phone my mum and cackle about what you just said.

Soon to be ex friend: Your DD is a horrible, spiteful little cow. She is insecure and tries to make herself feel better by picking on others. She is two faced and knows how to turn on the charm. She tries to play people off against each other and is jealous and manipulative. She has hurt others many times and tells them that if they tell she will deny it.
She takes after you.

Dmil - you are one of the kindest, loveliest people I know, and I wish there were more selfless people like you in this world. But you really need to stop being a doormat

Dfil - you have social issues, are very quite selfish and inconsiderate, but you are good to me and dgc so I am same with you, but I wish you would treat dmil better

Dbil - I wish you would make more of an effort with your nephews, they dont even know who you are.

Dm and df - I love you both very much and I hope you are proud of me same way I am proud of you

Dh - pick your shit up off the floor and dont forget my birthday

Ds1 - stop your whining when you are tired or hungry or thirsty or bored or want something or dont want something, ffs it drives me crazy

Ds2 - please lie still and dont cry/kick/scream every time you need a nappy change, or change of clothes, or its time to eat, or have to go in your buggy. Seriously, its absolutely draining. I know you are a gorgeous little baby, but nappy change is the worst because you shit about 20 times a day, and I dont like it smeared all over the floor.

There, feel so much better

Colleague: there is no 'the' in the name of the place where we work; stop saying it.

Dick of a driver: did you see there was a green man for me to cross on the pedestrian crossing? No. Did you see that I was crossing before your turned and stopped a foot away from hitting me? No. Bet you didn't see the no left turn sign at the traffic lights where you should have stopped either, which is why it was green for pedestrians to cross, cos there should have been no traffic at that point. Did you see the primary school opposite? or know that there's another not far down the road? No? Do you not have your eyes open when you drive? Then start, because if you had done that half an hour earlier it wouldnt have been me on my way to work that you ulmost hit, but a kid on their way to school.

PPI Cliaims cold callers: if this applied to me, I would have taken you up on your offer 100 calls ago - piss off

DCat stop looking at me helplessly every time that massive spider jogs past you in the living room. If you don't know what to do I cannot help you and I am not willing to demonstrate. If it's still thundering around in there this evening you and I will be having words concerning felibe obligations and the current arrangement of regular access to the bickie box.

Dad. Thank you for being so wonderful and kind and the best dad of all. I will love you always and cry whenever I think of you. RIP my dearest dad.

Mum. The best mum in the world and I'm in bits whenever I think of you. RIP my dearest mum.

Dear lovely gorgeous kind funny sexy DH. We never said goodbye, did we? DD and me waved you off that day, expecting you to come back that evening. To walk in through the door with your usual warm, cheerful "hello, hello, hello". To cuddle us and make our family complete.

Instead, they never found you. Lost in the storm, lost to the sea. Forever somewhere cold, dark. Laid to rest in the restless sea.

Dear K and E - you don't fool me, you never have.

You've been married for nearly 10 years, and yet you are still so formal and polite with each other. I never see any real warmth or affection between the two of you. I've never seen K's eyes light up when he sees you. I've never seen him hug you and kiss your hair. I've never seen you tease him, or giggle at his jokes.

Everything between you seems strained, and a bit sour. You never seem to spend anytime on your own together. You are constantly always with other friends, or visiting other friends, or having friends to stay with you. There never seems to be any quiet, comfortable time, just the two of you, enjoying each other's company.

It's funny how all of E's hobbies take him away from you, and that he virtually drags people in off the street to keep you both company. When DH and I visit E never wants us to leave, but we can see from your face that you resent us, and hate the fact that he enjoys our company more than he enjoys yours.

You seem to spend your lives buying yet another car, or booking yet another holiday, or having yet another room re-decorated, or having your garden re-landscaped, or buying a better TV, or a better mobile, or a better tablet.

I suppose you buy all these things to fill the huge gap in your lives where the love and happiness between you should be?

DH and I can't afford to be constantly changing our cars, or re-decorating, or having 4 holidays in one year. But, we don't actually need to do any of that because we're happy anyway, just the two of us chilling out.

I'd much rather be sitting in DH's (getting on a bit) Audi, laughing with DH as we sing along to the stereo - than be driving around in your brand new BMW with a DH, that I know (deep down) doesn't love me, and never really has.

T - I think you're in love with me. I think you have been for a very long time. I'm glad we don't see you that often, because your constant attention and intense regard makes me feel a bit uncomortable.

You never really do anything, or say much at all. But it's your eyes and face that tell a different story. But, I'm good friends with your wife and I can only think of you like a brother.

I'm very happily married to DH, and there's just no one else for me and there never will be.

But I know that if anything happened to DH I would find you on my door step within a matter of days.

OH: If you carry on obsessing about the tiniest bit of sugar that I sneak give to DS, I will confiscate your massive stash of confectionary and feed it to the neighbourhood children. Stop being an uptight hypocrite.

MIL: Please stop ringing me when you know OH is at work. I know you two don't get on, but I happen to fucking hate you as well, though I'd never tell you that because despite all the horrendous things you've done to OH throughout his life I still feel sorry for you.

Mum and dad: The reason I don't visit with DS is because your house is absolutely filthy and I am genuinely afraid that DS will catch something awful, though I do thank you for my amazing immune system having had to grow up with you. Clean out the six cat litter trays (for your 9 cats) and put a mop to the floor, the vacuum has an 'on' button, and no it isn't acceptable to rinse out cups and never wash them. The stain that lives in each one doesn't 'add flavour' to a cup of tea, you filthy people.

This is amazing, it's almost like therapy!

Oh god if I start I won't actually stop. Totally in one of those moods today.

Oh pendeen I'm so sorry love

mum, i miss you so much nothing is the same without you. you were my best friend and id of given everything to have you just a little while longer.

supposed best friends. you have been beyond shite just because i dont want to get wrecked you dont even bother to ask how i am. i havent seen anyone for months. im so miserable and lonely but maybe its better than friends who dont care.