AIBU to think Nigella has no right to feel frustrated?

[GiveMumABreak]

'Nigella feels frustrated that the whole world has an opinion about something she feels is a private situation.'

'Nigella feels her hand has been forced.'

'Nigella told friends she wants to rebuild her troubled relationship with millionaire art collector Mr Saatchi and insisted: 'I am not some sort of battered wife.'

AIBU to think: She is a celebrity chef (and role model)who had her photo taken in a public place. We are shocked and concerned - not just nosey, or should the whole world just mind their own business (as she would clearly prefer)?

article here

[squeakytoy]

"And here we all are discussing Nigella's thoughts, feelings, actions, and not the feelings of the violent bastard she's married to"

Not true. Many of us are saying that it is something that should not be fodder for cyber gossip and wild speculation.

While a few, including yourself, are sharpening your pitchforks and making assumptions based on photographs.

[Justfornowitwilldo]

'making assumptions based on photographs'

Do you understand what accepting a caution means?

[WorraLiberty]

It's not a private matter. It's a crime

So if god forbid your DC was raped, you'd be quite happy for every single detail to be published in the media, along with photos?

You'd be happy to read the 1000s of tweets and internet posts from complete strangers, saying what they do and don't think...simply because it's a crime?

Bully for you but I wonder if the victim would be as happy about it?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Just... I don't, no. Is it akin to when somebody pleads 'guilty', their accuser doesn't have to give evidence? Is it mandatory that you accept a caution OR something else happens?

[WorraLiberty]

Lying I do believe her shit comes in little parcels with a sprig of parsley on top

[RazzleDazzleEm]

What I find utterly bizarre is that they know - he knows that pics have been taken of them millions of times at that restaurant and they sit outside.

I am amazed he thought he could do this - 27 mins in that article, or thereabouts and no one would see it.

Even if no pap was there, the people who over heard and saw, the other diners.

As for her - I think there is a huge difference in your DH beating and attacking you in public than say Katie Price moaning because a pap snapped her twazzled Vag, before she was able to release the pics herself.

There is little understanding of this sort of thing as there is in many many things, one hasn't personally gone through.

[squeakytoy]

I think, considering the media circus that is following what was a private matter, accepting a caution was damage limitation for all concerned.

They want the matter ended as far as the media is concerned.

That is their business.

[Justfornowitwilldo]

It's horrible for her that it's being discussed like a soap storyline. The fault for that lies in the hands of her husband. They have a high profile and he assaulted her in public.

If it were my DC, I'd be glad that there was unequivocal evidence of the man being a violent. Women generally don't leave after the first incident. Or the second. It must be excruciating to have it all over the papers but she can't ignore it or minimise it.

[EleanorFarjeon]

I wish the press would leave Nigella alone.

Perhaps she has no desire to be the poster girl for domestic violence just because she is well known.

[Justfornowitwilldo]

Again, a public assault is not 'a private matter.'

FYI

For a caution to be given:

there must be evidence of guilt sufficient to give a realistic prospect of conviction;
the offender must admit the offence;
the offender must understand the significance of a caution and give informed consent to being cautioned.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

It's horrible for her that it's being discussed like a soap storyline. The fault for that lies in the hands of her husband. They have a high profile and he assaulted her in public.


No. The fault for that lies squarely with our so called 'journalists' and the low, low standards of the 'meeja'-devouring public. Whatever he did or she did does not detract from the fact that they are not free from public scrutiny to deal with their problems - and they should be.

We've become voyeurs, gobbling up any and all titbits of 'news' with great gusto and absolutely no discernment. How proud as a nation we must be...

I will exert what little influence I have to telling people to 'keep their cherry out'. If they wouldn't like the same treatment levied to them, they should not accept it for others.

[somersethouse]

OP

None, NONE of your business.

Pathetic. YABU.
HTH.

I am allowed to answer your question 'AIBU' I asume? Just to stop reported messages because I have stated an opinión to another idiot.

Mind your own business and go and make yourself another cup of tea and worry about how many bloody pillows you have on you bed and how often you change your sheets and how many biscuits you have eaten and how fat you are.

Honestly. Catch a Grip.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Just... Thanks for the info. Does it mean that it ends with a caution then? If so, the 'public interest' is at an end, surely?

[SigmundFraude]

I think a lot of those who have jumped to vilify Nigella's relationship, have done so not for her, they couldn't care less about her, but to further their own agenda and nothing more.

It's a fucking disgrace, frankly. And she's quite correct when she feels her hand is being forced, because it is.

[cerealqueen]

She can feel how she likes, it is her life.

Doesn't her husband look like her father though????

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Absolutely, Sigmund, she is being forced and it's a disgrace.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

justfornow

It being a crime doesn't mean she doesn't have a right to privacy.

If something being a crime meant it was no longer private rape victims identities wouldn't be kept private would they.

[mathanxiety]

'I am not some sort of battered wife.'

Well I for one have lost all respect for her for that.

She can choose what she wants. It's her life and good luck to her, but a tone of disparagement for other women who suffer at the hands of their partners is not one bit nice.

[pictish]

He is one ugly bugger though.

[AllYoursBabooshka]

Yes, it's absolutely right that a public assault should not be a private matter but what Nigella Lawson should feel, think, do or say is.

These constant discussion about what people would have done had they been there, what she was feeling at the time and what she should do next are unpleasant. As are the speculations about her home life.

People go too far in their so called "concern" and forget that there is a person behind all of this and not just an issue that needs discussed.

[Justfornowitwilldo]

'News' media follow her anyway. She is one of the people that women's magazines and tabloids have targeted for years, using long lens shots to take pictures of her in swimwear and then dissecting her figure. When she didn't play ball (and protected her skin from burning) on an Aussie beach by wearing a loose 'burkini' suit they made a huge deal over that. And there were threads on here. I hate the whole thing. It's not fair to her. I loathe that crap. They won't stop.

[AllYoursBabooshka]

For goodness sake mathanxiety, there is absolutely no proof that she said such a thing.

This is exactly why it needs to be left alone, too much talk and things get twisted.

[Justfornowitwilldo]

Research into 'date' rape has shown that a large percentage of women don't identify what happened to them as rape though it fits the legal definition. People don't want to be seen as victims by other people but, more than that, they don't want to see themselves as victims. Who would?

[saintmerryweather]

i actually really dont understand why people care so much about this that there has to be 3million mumsnet threads about it.

it really isnt anything to do with random people what she does now

[mathanxiety]

It's also not helpful for her to suggest even obliquely that domestic violence is a topic that belongs behind closed doors. I realise this is a quote from a 'friend' (who seems to be very free with the reports on Nigella despite her desire for privacy) but 'she feels she is never going to be able to live this down and move on' is to state that there is equal shame here, when he is the one who should be feeling it all.

I think that sort of statement is linked to notions of what exactly is 'a battered wife' Is she saying 'this doesn't happen to people like me?'

'She would not have left if the incident had stayed private.?
I hope she gets a shedload of counselling and has her eyes opened.

Anger management my foot. There were 27 minutes of photographs.

I feel sorry for her and my ire is directed at the DM as a vehicle for trotting out DV myths. Her father is frothing at the mouth over the embarrassment of it all? He needs to be educated too.