School report aibu to punish him? WWYD

[Meloncholymum]

Help!

My son has just received an appalling report for his end of year. Basically he hasn't reached his target grades in nearly all subjects and his class work and prep is 'unsatisfactory'. DH is furious and I am disappointed - he is exceptionally bright but clearly not doing the right things to achieve.

He is a full time boarder and comes home some Weekends and holidays - which we thought was the right thing - but I am beginning to question the decision.He is in year 7

DH is threatening to take his beloved xbox and birthday present away and to make him work all the summer break.

WWYD - is it unreasonable to punish him or is this report just a reflection of him adapting to big school?

[Hullygully]

rtft

[saintlyjimjams]

I would agree about work ethic at boarding school. I boarded - had a reunion a few weeks ago & I had forgotten quite how naughty we all were (and I was generally seen as well behaved! I hid a lot of what I got up to). While the time set aside for homework was fine during the term I used to have to sneak off to the loo to do revision for tests or exams. BUT I was a girl and clearly, looking back, motivated, I can't imagine any of my boys coming up with that that idea - they need to be superglued to the table & growled at to do any work (I don't think this is ideal - I would love self motivation above brains tbh - but it seems absent in my boys and from talking to friends in many of their boys too).

[valiumredhead]

I would presume ds was very unhappy or something was very wrong if he suddenly came home with a dreadful report.

Wrt your nanny - homework IS a nanny's job, of course it is!

[Hullygully]

it's more likely he's far TOO happy, valium. They have a fab time these days, no time to do any work. Even at prep they sit in a room with all their mates and an adult vaguely "supervising."

Then the school can just blame the child (which isn't unfair) if it doesn't do work in the allotted "supervised" time.

It's just a bit unrealistic. As I said before, only the really self-motivated work unless they are on their own with a parent glaring at them nearby...

[SoupDragon]

I would presume ds was very unhappy or something was very wrong if he suddenly came home with a dreadful report.

In DS2's case, I would presume he was being lazy and the school had not properly applied the cattle prod.

[valiumredhead]

I did post 'ds' as in my ds.

[Hullygully]

ah

[MortifiedAdams]

OP I am loving how much you claim to know about your own son - with whom you only spend a third.of weekends with and school holidays. HOw do you know what he is like - he isnt part of your daily life.

[valiumredhead]

It's just a bit unrealistic. As I said before, only the really self-motivated work unless they are on their own with a parent glaring at them nearby...

Snort

[JRY44]

hullygully I did read the thread - my questions were why does he only come home some weekends - as a parent I would want to see my child every weekend regardless of whether he wanted to stay with his friends or not. It was aimed at why the parent didn't insist he came home.There is mention of a sibling, not siblings - wondered if there was more than one. My point was maybe he is not trying (although L7 is not underachieving!) because he wants to be at home - but doesn't feel he can tell his parents for fear of upsetting them.

[SoupDragon]

My point was maybe he is not trying (although L7 is not underachieving!) because he wants to be at home - but doesn't feel he can tell his parents for fear of upsetting them.

Given he is choosing to stay with his friends that seems rather unlikely doesn't it?

[Badvoc]

Why is a level 7 in year 7 bad?

[FryOneFatManic]

It seems his problems are more to do with his effort and behaviour rather than actual attainment.

Behaviour in class, yes that can be addressed by talking to the child about it.

A day dreamer is possibly under-stretched, something to look at.

And the tutor's role would need examining; what is he/she actually doing to help the child? And what is the school doing?

Effort, well, moving from primary to secondary is quite a step. It's a change from the lovely support you get, to having to work independently, and many children have trouble making that adjustment.

In addition, working independently requires new skills that aren't always taught as in my experience quite a few teachers seem to believe a child will magically acquire those skills.

At DD's state day school, they have a weekly lesson they call cognitive learning. This is how the school is teaching them the skills to work independently, how to research, how to think around problems,in fact, many of those useful skills that aren't part of a subject but which will help them to achieve their targets. These lessons are proving to be very useful. DD is top set for most subjects (except PE, bottom set there, she's never going to be sporty ).

[SoupDragon]

Why is a level 7 in year 7 bad?

There is nothing wrong with a 7 unless you are capable of more and are doing no work. As the OP said right at the start: he has not achieved his target grades, which the school believe he is capable of achieving.

[ChestyNut]

He chose to board?!

An 11year old may also choose to eat nothing but sweets and energy drinks and play x box all day.....am sure that choice wouldn't be allowed.

Seriously can't understand why people have DC to only see them a weekend or two out of a month

[AmberLeaf]

Level -4 level 7 level 50 it doesn't matter. If he's not putting work in and pudding about in class that's not ok just cos he still happens to do better than your kids

I don't recall mentioning how well my kids have done? and actually it does matter because because by no stretch is level 7 bad!

It's the lack of effort the op is concerned about. Something that's not a result of boarding as he should be working independently wherever he was

No I disagree there, if one of my children is not making enough effort, I can have a daily input into that and supervise what happens, that can't happen with a boarder, so maybe the OP needs to press the school on what supervision is given?

[Badvoc]

If I were the op I would be much more concerned about the fact that the school did not mention any of their concerns until e end of year report!
That is dreadful practice and would never happen at my sons state school.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

So are you all saying that secondary school kids, kids trusted to get to and from schools themselves maybe even left home alone , should not be able to sit down for half an hour and do some work without mummy breathing down their neck the entire time?god no wonder so mAny kids don't ever leave home cos they aren't taught to think for themselves!

[Hullygully]

not "should not"

more "can't be"

mostly

[olgaga]

I'm surprised this is the first you've heard of it!

I'd be going in with the big guns to the school, not directing them at your son. He clearly isn't getting the support he needs.

[pianodoodle]

I haven't read the whole thread just the OP but without wanting to be rude - it could be a combination of other factors too - but how sure are you that he's exceptionally bright?

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I wouldn't be happy with the tone of lack of warmth and lack of support I'd be picking up from a report like this from a school who are not only providing an education but also care for my child.
Would seem to me that they're trying to encourage a culture of blame of child and unrealistic expectation which I find very negative.
He's doing well, he's settled well, what more do they and you want of him ?
If they've given him these high targets I'd be expecting them to help him to reach them ! They can't pass the whole buck onto him, he's only 12 !
Also, he's doing well anyway, and I'd expect more acknowledgement and praise of that fact, especially in his first year as a boarder.
Basically not a balanced, supportive, or warm report.
I'd be much more unhappy with the school than with my DS.

[AmberLeaf]

No Im not saying that at all Wheresmycaffeinedrip.

Im saying, if an issue arises, I am available to address it if need be.

I have two secondary aged children and for the most part they get on and do what they need to do...independently.

[SoupDragon]

if one of my children is not making enough effort, I can have a daily input into that and supervise what happens

Are you with them at school, supervising them? I am a SAHM and I have no input as to whether my children are putting in the effort during the school day.

[SoupDragon]

because because by no stretch is level 7 bad!

It is if the child is capable of, say, level 8