Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel a little sorry for the 7 children benefits Mum.

999 replies

MilgramsLittleHelper · 12/06/2013 11:19

www.itv.com/daybreak/hottopics/benefits-mum/

Is just seems like another bit of benefit bashing to me.

I know she shouldn't have had children she couldn't afford, but what hope of improving her lot???

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 12/06/2013 13:39

"We are not going back to the 70s."

We are, i am not talking about the benefit cap, alone.

There are many people on benefits who cannot pay the bedroom tax and live on what is left.

My next door neighbour and her DH are unemployed (he isn't well enough but gets no DLA etc), in their late 50's. They support their DD who has MH problems, it is through their support that she has been able to parent her child (and work on low wages), he stays in their spare bedroom.

They are now £20 a week worse off, i was dreaded them having to move. I am in an area were shootings and drugs are common. Some families will have their money reduced by half,the one's dealing and minding guns won't have a problem paying the top up.

The real "problem" families will be picked up under a different service (SS). The ordinary, trying their best families, will really suffer.

Davsmum · 12/06/2013 13:40

nobody chooses to live like this. Sorry, that's a ridiculous thing to say; many, many people quite obviously do. - Floggingmolly
------------

Who? People who are educated enough to get a good job with a good salary? - NO
People who have had lots of love and support and encouragement from their parents?
Happy people?
Is it a choice you would make?

How much choice do you think 'these people' have to decide on that sort of life?

Birdsgottafly · 12/06/2013 13:41

"hopefully the benefit reforms will stop this happening in the future."

As soon as the next change in government happens, we will have to spend a fortune again to get families out of the mess they have been put in.

I suppose the homeless charities are just exagerating, the crisis that is hitting, for the sake of it.

Ashoething · 12/06/2013 13:41

What sort of life davs-the life where you are handed a 6 bedroom house and wads of money for doing hee haw? You are talking as if this is some kind of hardship rather than the kind of lifestyle most working people can only dream of-get real!

FasterStronger · 12/06/2013 13:42

How much choice do you think 'these people' have to decide on that sort of life?

I think the women and the DH did what gave them the greatest income. they have made a rational choice.

FasterStronger · 12/06/2013 13:42

only about 8% of women earn as much as she gets in benefits.

do you see the incentive?

Minifingers · 12/06/2013 13:45

Does the 2K a month include her rent? If so, and she is in a private rental it could well be not enough to feed and clothe her children.

ItsallFeegle · 12/06/2013 13:47

A lot of people are stuck in a benefits trap culture.

Some people believe that's their lot!

Some people think they have no potential to be anything but the next generation of 'nobodies'.

I actively work to encourage, support and empower those individuals.

Have you any idea how utterly sad it is to attend a prison, to talk to the inmates about the service I may be able to offer some of them in the hope that we can show them there are other paths, to hear a 19 year old tell say that as soon as he is 'out' he's fucked! Inside he has a job, education, a bed and food...outside he has no opportunity and is homeless and hungry Sad.

That young man was ready to write his life away and could see no potential in himself.

These threads boil my piss because there are far too many people who would agree with him, rather than trying to find and point out some potential.

Sometimes people need a hand up, encouragement and to be empowered to be the best they can be.

OTTMummA · 12/06/2013 13:49

People in 3rd world countries have child after child and have a hell of a lot less, so no, I think she probably would have continued to have children.

The way of life for many women raised in poverty or abusive/negelctful households is so ingrained that it is virtually unfathomable to believe you can achieve more than this existence.

I can't imagine any rational person with a balanced personality choosing too have 7 children because they get a small amount of money from the government.
This is no life, it is a depressing cycle of monotony.

She has been left to this lets not forget.
I am way more critical of the man who fathered these children and feels it is suitable to just leave her to it.

cory · 12/06/2013 13:50

Is there any evidence that women in poorer countries with no welfare network abstain from sex in order not to have children?

Davsmum · 12/06/2013 13:50

What sort of life davs-the life where you are handed a 6 bedroom house and wads of money for doing hee haw? You are talking as if this is some kind of hardship rather than the kind of lifestyle most working people can only dream of-get real!
--------------

Did you see her house? Would you like that house?
It IS a hardship.

If her life is better than yours and its what you 'dream of' - then why don't you make that choice too? - because its not - its looks bloody miserable.
Most of us prefer to be independent and have choices - On what she has - she has very little choice.
Who says she decided to live like this? With her husband gone and 7 children to look after - I would say that very much limits her choice.

cory · 12/06/2013 13:51

cross-posted with OTTMummA

I think we are very willing to accept that women in other countries may not have that much control over their sexuality, but we are loath to accept that the same might be the case for some women in this country.

I have heard horror stories from midwives in this country about men staying behind in the post-natal ward and forcing themselves on their wives when they had literally just been stitched up. Apparently it is not all that rare. If you were living with one of these charmers, what chances do you suppose there are you would be able to have a rational discussion about contraception and sexual abstinence?

Ashoething · 12/06/2013 13:51

And some people need to stop whinging about how hard their lives on and get off their arses and do something.

I could write a book about the shit things that have happened in my life but you know what I didn't use that as an excuse to become a scrounger,a criminal or feckless.

You have to take responsibility at some point and that includes imo not being handed something for nothing.

A decent society looks after its most vulnerable-that is the ill,disabled and carers imo. Not those who view benefits as a lifestyle choice and whose massive sense of entitlement is being payed for by those who have no choice but to go out to work.

TheCrackFox · 12/06/2013 13:52

Realistically this woman is unemployable - she hasnt worked for 20yrs and in a high unemployment area the competition will be especially tough.

However, the father(s) of these children giving the occasional £5 is ridiculous. NRPs should be forced to pay a decent amount to support their children.

ophelia275 · 12/06/2013 13:52

Also, if she has 7 kids, why does she need a 6 bedroom house. Perhaps she thinks it is beneath her kids to have to share a room, god forbid, only the scummy children of workers need do that.

Ashoething · 12/06/2013 13:53

Yes I did see her house. Does being on benefits mean you lose the ability to keep her house in a fit state of cleanliness then?Hmm

dreamingofsun · 12/06/2013 13:55

i agree itsallfeedle - and its often the kids of people like her that end up needing the most help. (quickly ducking the abusive I'm now going to get for making unfounded generalisations)

Davsmum · 12/06/2013 13:58

All credit to those of us who have the ability to think positive and get off our arses and provide.
Its very arrogant though to assume everyone can do what you can do. You have to have a very narrow view to think everyone should be like you.

Are you earning or achieving as much as the very high achievers? If not- why not? They do it - why are you not doing it?
Society has many 'levels' different cultures and communities. If you have been raised in one type of community it is not easy to see there are other ways to live.
Be thankful you are not in that situation - The reason you are not is most likely down to the way you were brought up - your intelligence and education level and your confidence or abilities.

NOT EVERYONE is like YOU... not everyone can do what you do - just as you fall short of a lot of other people!

AmberSocks · 12/06/2013 13:59

I think it should be compulsory for men to pay for their kids whether they see them or not.

OTTMummA · 12/06/2013 13:59

This lady has been badly let down somewhere along the line, she may have been the girl who smelt at school, or the child who had constant nits, or got a beating every time she stepped out of line just for doing what children do.

She may have had no praise at home or school, she may have been bullied and put down whenever she tried her best at something, taunted and neglected.

People who grow up in loving, caring, nurturing, attentive homes do not choose a life like this.

I highly doubt that she has made a conscious calculation or comparison to figures like that FasterStronger

Davsmum · 12/06/2013 13:59

Yes I did see her house. Does being on benefits mean you lose the ability to keep her house in a fit state of cleanliness then?
-------------

Its a rented house in a state of ill repair- not unclean. He rlandlord will be responsible for the repairs - She has little or no choice in what house she is given.

ItsallFeegle · 12/06/2013 14:00

dreaming - don't duck anywhere.

You are right. Those children and many many like them, don't have access to the opportunities people in better areas do.

That's why I do the work I do.

I am one of 6 children, whose single parent mother worked 3 jobs to feed us.

Some of my siblings didn't have the capacity to see something more for themselves. I was hungry for more.

I worked bloody hard (and was a single teen parent) to realise my potential and by God I made sure I got a career in something I'm passionate about.

AmberLeaf · 12/06/2013 14:01

OTTMummA

Brilliant post.

chenin · 12/06/2013 14:02

She says she can't go out to work because she has a 2 year old. From what I could see her 17yr old and 15 yr old did bugger all... why can't they look after the younger ones whilst she does work? My DC's had part time jobs from the age of 15... there is work out there if you try hard enough and whilst the older two appear to choose not to work (and one of them was worried about new clothes and where they would come from), they could help in the house with childcare to enable their mother to work.

Floggingmolly · 12/06/2013 14:03

I highly doubt that she has made a conscious calculation or comparison to figures like that, FasterStronger
No, I doubt she has either; she'll never have needed to. Which is why the benefits overhaul was so necessary.