To think, actually, WOH gets harder as they get older.

[Tournament]

I've worked (at least p-t) all my life. It was a choice for me, I wanted to get out to work, keep my career etc, although I did very much step back for a while, I always kept my hand in IYSWIM.

When DC were tiny, there was always some feeling of guilt at not always being there, but the day to day practicalities were easy. You got them up and dressed, bundled them in the car, handed them over to GP, childminder or nursery and then it was someone else's job to do everything for them until it was practically bedtime. They were cared for, fed and entertained without me ever really having to do anything. (When I was at work). I'd collect on my way home, take them home and put them to bed.

Now they're 9 & 11, there's homework to supervise, clubs to organise, taxi services to provide, sports and school events to watch (or to have to explain you can't) friendship issues or other worries to listen to and if I'm not around after school, they can't have friends back and they can't go to other's houses.

[jacks365]

Losing trust at 16 they are not adults.

How is a 16 year old expected to attend an open day at the other end of the country when its not physically possible time wise to do it using public transport. Without a parents support and help attending enough open days to make an informed choice can be hard going. Besides there is so much to take in that having a second person is useful to talk things over with.

Since she started uni I have been 3 times.Once to take and twice to pick up for days out because we were in the area visiting other family. She has never brought washing home nor have i had to bail her out financially.Not exactly a helicopter parent.

[morethanpotatoprints]

jacks.

I know exactly what you are talking about.
I too went with my ds1 t 18 to an open day/interview for a uni course. It was at the other end of the country and also felt the same about another pair of ears and eyes.
Of course it isn't helicoptering. Mine chose a local one in the end and has managed fine without me doing anything to assist him, the same as yours have.
I know that I would have been the only parent not attending had I not gone with him.

I do think it depends really on the uni as well. I attended a bog standard uni as a mature student, none of the parents attended these interviews and open days.
I think the better the uni the more parental involvement with this stuff is expected. I wonder how many parents attend interviews and open days at Oxford and Cambridge, I should imagine most do.

[losingtrust]

I managed to get to Kent by coach, Manchester by coach, East Anglia by two trains. Personally I was 17 when going on uni days. Some kids would have been fighting for our country from that age so if they cannot w

[losingtrust]

Mind you my parents had not been to uni so would not have been able to advise me.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

I was just turned 17 when I went to uni open days in York, Hull, Keele, Exeter ... all on public transport (train and bus). I just find it a bizarre concept that parents would go too. To me going to uni was the point in my life at which I very definitely made all the big decisions myself. Had my parents come too they would certainly have been the only ones.

It is obviously something that has changed over time. I'm not sure why though. What else is there to think about that you didn't have to think about before?

[Iggi101]

I did the journey to my open day myself, involved a boat and trains. As I was going to be doing the journey myself, several times a year, it made sense to see if I could manage it.

[Xenia]

Most children do open days by train and they are usually in lower sixth. My older 3 children did any that they went to all on their own. The idea a parent goes is ludicrous and reflects the keeping young people as kidults even until adulthood. I do however recommended getting them all through a driving test at 17. One of ours did the driving theory test on their 17th birthday.

Also plenty of teenagers don't go to the open days. You don't have to and ifyou're busy and have seen videos etc and don't want to go I don't see why they have to trail around viewing universities.

[Bonsoir]

The more expensive university becomes, the more common it is, and will continue to be, to see parents accompany their children on university open days. I have been to open days in England and France in a very wide variety of institutions this year and last (DSS1 is in his final year at school) and I'm not sure I saw a single unaccompanied teenager.

[Xenia]

Well it's amazing parents have time. I have not been to a single one and my 3 have graduated perfectly well.

[stepawayfromthescreen]

well I'm sure your children appreciate the support, encouragement and interest you show in their lives Xenia. You didn't do sports day or concerts either did you?

[curryeater]

I was astonished on here to see a mother basically doing her son's university application, including dealing with his not getting expected grades and going through clearing. She completely unselfconsciously talked about what "we" had managed to discover on various phone calls - meaning herself and her husband. No one else commented on it. It struck me as very odd as my children are young so I know nothing about all this except what I did, which is you got the hell on with it on your own.

Mind you I did "help with" (get far too involved in) a university application for a "mature" student friend of mine several years ago. It would not have got in on time if I hadn't got involved, including chasing up referees and meeting them in my work hours to get the references done in time. He got in, but dropped out. Had I not pushed the application through he would not even have got in and would have saved everyone's time and money. I learnt something about taking a horse to water. I wonder how well the students do who have not had to manage their own applications nowadays.

[Bonsoir]

Most sensible people, when faced with a bill of £60,000 or so for their children's education, will want to be involved in every stage of the due diligence before investing.

[Wishihadabs]

Which universities are inacessible by public transport ?

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

Down with baking!

curryeater
"We were just a rabble of feral, abused, ignored, smacked, bullied desperadoes, lips stained with kia ora, surviving on desperate barter of chews bought with found 1ps, always only one mojo away from being made to eat bitter privet."

Are you my sister!?

[wordfactory]

The sixth formers I know often went to uni open days in groups. They made it a fun day out I think.

And to be honest, I'm not sure what anyone (parent or student) can really glean from an open day. The devil is in the detail, not the bright shiny welcome speeches .

[Bonsoir]

You are really wrong there, wordfactory. I think DSS1 went to about 20 open days or visits of some description - frankly, between the point when he began, 18 months ago, and now, his ability to see himself in a particular environment has increased exponentially.

[wordfactory]

20!?! Wow that's a lot.

Here in the UK, I think most students would narrow it down much more than that.

[curryeater]

after about 20 visits to open days with his step mother I imagine poor dss can imagine himself in any other environment but home with desperate longing.

[wordfactory]

I think it pays to do the ground work on any course and university...but after that, over analysis doesn't help.

Ultimately, one can't know exactly what it will be like to study at any given place until one does it!

[jacks365]

No universities are inaccessible by public transport. The issue was where we live not at the other end. It takes two hours to get to our nearest mainline station. We don't even have public transport in an evening. There and back in a day is just not possible in our situation unless in a car.

It probably was because of the subject my daughter wanted but the subject talks were illuminating. Different universities have different emphasises on topics within the same subject title but without the talks we wouldn't have known that. A couple of universities were just so big that it affected how things worked in her particular field and rather than increasing her options it narrowed them. Little details like that are not clear in the prospectus.

[jacks365]

20! We did 6 and that was enough

[Bonsoir]

UCAS gives you 5 choices. The French APB system gives you up to 36. Plus many of the most interesting French higher education choices are private and outside the APB system. Hence a lot of visits! (DSS1 applied through all three routes).

[Xenia]

Of course I go to concerts and sports days, always for getting on 25 years now. IN fact three have / had music scholarships and they tend not to get those without some parental support but I do draw the line once they are older teenagers at nannying children into university.

Actually I don't think my daughters went to many at all. They just had their list Bristol etc and if they went they would have gone with a friend from school on the train. Some teenagers are absolutely pathetically tied to apron strings. You don't get on in life if you cannot do your own university stuff. bons wil be different as the children are in France and presumably looking abroad for university but for most of us with chilren considering UK universities there is no need to go with them to look around unless you particularly want to do so.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Xenia.

I agree it isn't necessary, but disagree that it means they are tied to apron strings. My ds1 was pleased I shared the experience with him, he has been completely financially independent since 16 and can and does completely look after himself.
Why do/would you consider them children at this age?

[morethanpotatoprints]

Bonsoir.

Do you find that many parents pay the bill for university?
My ds went to several open days and had a couple of interviews.
In the end he opted for a more local one, and found that the dc usually got a loan and worked to pay their way.
perhaps its because we live in a less than affluent area.
I'm not sure if I could have justified paying that sort of money and could only just have afforded it.
Its not a criticism by the way, I'm just interested.