Or am I to strict? How would you have reacted?

[OHforDUCKScake]

My 6 year old son was playing with his friend who is 10 outside. He's a nice boy and they've always got on well.
I was in the kitchen and I heard this absolute wail come from outside that was my son. I ran out and he was clutching his eye and sobbing uncontrollably.
His friend was saying sorry to him and comforting him, and told he'd shot him in the eye with his Nerf gun.
DC couldnt open his eye so I didnt respond, and just ushered DS inside.
A cold compress later he could open it, but it was swollen.

We asked what happened when he'd calmed down, he said his friend shot him in the eye with a nerf gun. His dad asked how fat away he was stood and he said "where mum is now", at which point I had a cold compress against his eye so there was about half a foots width between our bodies.

A bit annoyed, I knocked on his door to as, what happened . He answered and I said just wanted to hear what happened (i.e was it deliberate) and he explained. He said "We swapped guns and I shot him in the eye."

Basically it pans out, it was deliberate but he didnt mean to hurt my son.

Then his mums comes to his side, I told her. She said "Oh dear. Did you say sorry?"

He said yes (he had).

That was it.

I left having to make a point of keeping my chin off the floor. His mum is a nice person from what I know of her but clearly we parent differently.

If that was my son especially if he was 10, who had shot a younger child, or any person in the eye, Id have been livid.

I was pissed off but now Im confused. Ive recently been doubting my parenting approaches with my son, Im having a bit of a wobble. And this has made me wonder if my reaction would have been too harsh.

So I put it to the jury, how would you have reacted if your child had done that?

[Tee2072]

Yes, actually I could.

Perhaps a quick proof read next time?

And you still haven't answer the question, that's been asked more than once. You have no idea what that mother said after you left her door. Nor should you.

You parent your child. Let her, and I, parenting ours.

Or, to put it in MN vernacular, beak out. He apologized. Sorry you didn't get any blood.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

tar and feathers should do the job....

[fieldfare]

And this is why I bought dd the safety glasses and a spare for whomever she's playing with. They think it makes them look cool (like super spies or something), and I'm happy that they're not going to get one in the eye.

I think the response you got was adequate tbh, the mother more than likely dealt with it once the front door was shut.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Maybe next time you will read the whole thread. Towards the end I clearly stated more than once, that I was too expectant of the 10 year old.

Yet you feel the need to come on and try and make me look like an idiot. Does that make you feel good? You quoted me. With quote marks. Any mistakes made clearly would have been mine, so what exactly would have been the point of you adding (sic) apart from to deliberately make me look like an idiot?

But more so, for you to make yourself look like a massive cunt?

Thanks everyone else for helping me realise that, yes I was being too strict/harsh, although I believe it was clear that I had come to that conclusion by my recent posts.

[conantg]

Tee2072: "let her and I parenting ours". Do you mean "let her and me parent ours"? You should have proofread your own post before advising the OP to proofread hers. "Me", not "I", is the object of the verb "let" in your sentence.

[WakeyCakey]

Let Tee write whatever they like!
OP, no offence, and I mean this with the greatest respect, but why the hell bother starting a thread that you know if ridiculous only to start replying horribly to everyone who disagrees with you!

You want to be a fly on my wall? You would get swat!
Your child is 6 and shooting at his friend as well, he should of been supervised, wearing the correct safety accessories and should be taking 50% of the blame!!

You aren't super strict because you let your 6 year old play with dangerous toys so that he can be babysat by a 10 year old while you get on with whatever you want!

[MrsMelons]

MN never ceases to amaze me though - over the weekend lots of people were commenting on a thread saying how its fine for 6 and 7 YOs to go out to the park etc alone as long as they are sensible etc but now a 10 YO is not sensible enough to be expected not to shoot someone in the eye with a nerf gun. If a 10 YO cannot be expected to do this how can younger children be ok to go out alone?

I would have been more cross than this other mum appeared TBH as I do think at 10 a child should have more common sense (I appreciate they don't always at any age!) it was probably a genuine mistake but I would have been having VERY serious words so it didn't happen again.

[AmberLeaf]

As others have said, the Mum probably prefered to speak to her child in private.

It sounds like one of those things that can happen when children play with things like Nerf guns.

Maybe the Mum felt that the boy hadn't done anything wrong as he didn't intend to hurt your son and that a chat about playing safely was all that was needed.

What would you have done if it was your son that had done this? would you have taken the view that as it wasn't intentional it didn't require punishment?

Everyone has different standards of parenting anyway, I personally wouldn't let a 6 yr old play out unsupervised but that's just my standards.

[MrsMelons]

did the boys actually mean to shoot your DS in the eye or did he just happen to hit him in the eye?

Just to add - when my DS was 3 or 4, we were at a beach with his friends and they were throwing stones in the water (if you live near the sea then you will know this is pretty normal for children to do), one child decided to run in front of them all suddenly and a stone DS threw hit her and cut her head quite badly.

He was only little but got a massive telling off as he knew to look before throwing stones, the girl was also told off as she should have been more careful. Just because things are accidental doesn't mean children should be told off but obviously not punished in the same way as a deliberate act (depending on age/seriousness of course).

[valiumredhead]

Ime 10 yr olds have momentary lapses of sense and do the the most things that have you banging your head against a brick wall. Honestly, you think by that age they are mature but sometimes they act like 2 year olds!

I think it gave him a shock and the fact that he was comforting your ds means the whole thing took him by surprise.

He apologised and I doubt he'll do it again.

If the mum was anything like me she would have his guts for garters once she'd asked him to apologise.

Personally I think a 6 year old and a 10 year old playing with nerf guns is asking for trouble

[valiumredhead]

the most daft things

[ilovexmastime]

I don't think it sounds like he did it deliberately either. He was remorseful and stuck around to comfort your child. Lesson learnt hopefully.

[lunar1]

I am a strict parent and expect my children to think of the consequences of their actions. I would however never let them play with toy guns and my eldest will happily say no to playing with one if he is at someone else's house.

I think it's an odd parenting choice to basically give your child a weapon then expect them to play nicely with it.

[MrsMelons]

Valium - I guess this is why I have an issue with young children going out alone to play, its one thing a group of 10 YOs but they don't not have the capability to look after younger children IMO due to these momentary lapses!

[saintlyjimjams]

I still remember hurting a friend when I was about 7 or 8. We were playing with iron bars We were at his house (3 of us, me and the two brothers) and we were climbing up a slide and throwing the iron bars as hard as we could then running down to collect them. I got over excited and threw too early and it hit my friend in the side of his face. His mum went absolutely mad - really angry, probably screamed at me more than anyone else has in my life! He later turned out to have some hearing problems and for years I thought I'd caused it.

Anyway I think she was wrong to be so angry with me. a) she was letting us play with iron bars and b) any one of us could have hit each other and c) it was a complete an utter accident - he was my friend, I had no intention of hurting him. I did learn not to throw iron bars that day

[OHforDUCKScake]

WAKEYCAKEY IM GOING TO PUT THIS IN CAPITAL LETTERS JUST FOR YOU, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO HASNT READ THE WHOLE THREAD.

I AGREED TOWARDS THE END OF THE THREAD (which is now the middle) THAT YES I WAS BEING TOO HARSH ON THE BOY. AND WOULD HAVE BEEN TO HARSH ON MINE HAD IT BEEN HIM.

WAKEYCAKEY PLEASE POINT OUT WHERE I HAVE BEEN HORRIBLE 'JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE DISAGREED'?

[OHforDUCKScake]

*my son. Not him. Doh.

[valiumredhead]

Simmer down OP

[cheeseandpineapple]

Doubt "Conantg would have made her (correct) observation if Tee* hadn't challenged OP on her grammar.

OP, don't take the bait, can see why you're wound up by it but not worth reacting to. I read your posts to suggest you were completely open to the fact you might have had high expectations and that the thread was giving you a different perspective.

Unfortunately common sense doesn't come that easily to all kids. My 8 year old has bags more common sense than her 10 year old brother. I am currently undergoing "common sense training" with my son ie literally pointing out what I think is bleeding obvious but apparently seems to completely bypass him.

Last week, asked him to run a bath. Went to check on the bath to discover the bath mat which had been hanging over the side of the bath was still hanging over the side of the bath and was now half wet from the half full bath because DS had run the bath with the mat still hanging over the side.

It just didn't occur to him to move it first. I know my DD would have moved it.

Sometimes, particularly with boys, it's not so much disciplining them as trying to educate them on what seems like obvious common sense, assuming that basically they are good kids at heart. My son would have felt terrible remorse if he had done what your neighbour's son had done and would have learned his lesson the hard way, through experience and guilt rather than punishment but I would have had a stiff word with him about being reckless.

What I'm currently trying to make him understand is that if he is reckless then there will be consequences because by now, I do expect him to start anticipating what might happen and modify his behaviour especially around younger kids.

Don't worry about having a wobble, it means you're thinking about what you're doing and wanting to try and do your best. Unfortunately we end up parenting our first born very differently to any other children and our expectations of them are very high but just knowing that can help keep things in perspective as you go forward. Doesn't mean being slack but agree with others they need to be able to fess up without fear and steered toward the right path.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Im alright . Although Tees adorable message made me for all of 3.5 seconds.

Its rather frustratin when people dont red the hole thread isnt it? Ive never notcied that before.

All spelling and punctuatiom mistakes put in ther for you Tea. Have fun!

[Helltotheno]

OP you wouldn't have been too harsh.
Fact is this kid shot your child deliberately in the eye with a Nerv gun.. shall we say, if people don't like deliberately, experimentally? Either way, not acceptable. What would be said now on this thread if your boy had lost an eye?

I would not have a 6 yr old hanging round with a 10 yr old.. this older boy clearly sees your son as someone he can Try Things Out On, and let's face it, no good can come of that.

Don't minimise your reaction here. Distance yourself, and if the other mother asks why, just man up and tell her you feel they're not appropriate ages for each other.

[valiumredhead]

I would not have a 6 yr old hanging round with a 10 yr old.. this older boy clearly sees your son as someone he can Try Things Out On, and let's face it, no good can come of that

Fact is this kid shot your child deliberately in the eye with a Nerv gun.. shall we say, if people don't like deliberately, experimentally?

Really, how do you know this, were you there? It's not fact at all