Aibu to expect abled people to move? (Pushchair related)

[Maryshoppins]

If I see a pushchair, wheel chair, person with 101 bags and so on, walking towards me, I would, without hesitation, move out of their way.

Why does it seem that whenever I am out and about with my pushchair, 9/10 times someone will continue to walk towards me with no intention of moving out the way, therefore I end up swerving at the last to move out of their pathway!

I'm particularly cross about this today, as I was walking towards a woman (and I don't mean intentionally to knock her down,) she continued to walk directly towards my pushchair, glaring at me as if to say 'are you going to move?'. For the first time, I didn't and we both came to a standstill. Sounds ridiculous I know, but I was finally fed up with the amount of rude people I encounter and wanted to be sure I wasn't completely over reacting! This lady called me all sorts, and walked past me in a huff!

Other mothers I have spoken to in the past say they encounter this a lot. But they just swerve out of the way to avoid confrontation.

I'm not normally one for causing a scene. But I am amazed that an abled person wouldn't consciously move out of the way of somebody that has a pushchair or struggling with shopping /children etc.

So, aibu?

[Bumply]

As someone who takes a blind lady out shopping I'm often astonished at the fact that she turns invisible as soon as I'm leading her. The number of people who bump into her in a wide shopping mall with plenty of space is amazing. She's in her 80s so attempting to side step her out of someone's path at the last minute isn't always possible.
There's a lot if inconsiderate unthinking people out there, pushchair or not.

[weegiemum]

I can't always move aside easily. If I'm on a good day (no stick or wheelchair) then I don't look disabled but I have very poor balance and would fall if I had to swerve.

There are some rather entitled buggy-pushers out there. I've had rolled eyes and tutting when I wanted to use a lift in my chair or with my stick. And 3+ years ago when I was ok but my dd2 was in a major buggy with a serious hip problem, I got asked to move out of the wheelchair space on the bus by buggy pushers (the McLaren major is officially a wheelchair and my dd couldn't weight bear at all without being in agony).

Just because you have a baby with wheels you don't have right of way!

[MrsSpagBol]

Why do you have such a sense of entitlement to the right of way just because you have a pushchair?

You are the one taking up more room?

I HATE women who think everyone should move out of their way just because they have a pushchair - YOU are the one with the bulky item, YOU move!

[InSearchOfPerfection]

I would say YANBU and YABU

I think it's more a case of seeing the situation and for both persons to make an effort. Sometimes it will be easier for the walking person to move away, sometimes it will be easier for the pushchair to move away.

TBH, I have seen that happening too with two able bodied persons with one person refusing to move out of the way. Or playing the game of 'I am not going to move until the last minute' to see who would 'win'. Cue for brushing shoulders as people passed each other and usually one of the person quietly or not so quietly swearing at the other....
I've actually seeing one person becoming physically threatening during one of these encounters

A bit about 'you are the one with the bulky item, you move' though. If you have a bulky item, where are you physically suppose to move?? I mean sometimes, there just isn't room at all unless the other person change his/her way slightly.

[HarrySnotter]

Shouldn't it just be a case of both parties making an effort to make it easier for each other. If it's easier for the person without a pram to move they move, if easier for the person with the pram, they should move.

I cannot abide this notion that just because you have a pram the great masses should part like the red sea to let you through. I would always move out of the way for anyone with pram, bags etc but if it was more sensible for them to move for me, then they should.

[MrsSpagBol]

"A bit about 'you are the one with the bulky item, you move' though. If you have a bulky item, where are you physically suppose to move?? I mean sometimes, there just isn't room at all unless the other person change his/her way slightly"

Oh so just because I haven't bred yet I am the one who must be shoved into the road/hedge/ etc etc?

If you have nowhere to go - stop.

My point is that you don't just automatically get the right of way JUST BECAUSE you have a pushchair.

FWIW, I am usually a give-wayer. But it is irritating that the push chair users I have come across just seem to EXPECT EVERYONE to move out of their way like Moses parting the Red Sea. It's very very very irritating and rude.

[reneaa2]

I always move to the side if I can and if someone is coming towards me.

Often if it is too crowded or if I can't move the side easily for whatever reason I just stop where I am, smile and say sorry.


I haven't met any rudness doing this, although I feel bad if I am holding up people behind me but often there is no alternative.

[Ambridge]

I'd generally take the view that the more burdened person (in this case you, OP) would not feel obliged to move. Especially if the other person is not particularly laden down and it's just easier for them to swerve to one side.

But it's a matter of common sense and courtesy, both of which seem to be in short supply these days. Only yesterday I was in a crowded coffee-shop and had to get between two tables to reach the only free seat. A girl (well, in her 20's, so a girl to me ) was sitting at the other table with a folder and book spread out so it was sticking out into the space between.

Did she move it back onto her table so I could get past? Of course she bloody didn't, I just got the flat stare of death as I tried to manoeuvre past. And then again when I had to go back to the counter to get something.

Sigh. It's that kind of pointless stubbornness that really gets me . Similar to people refusing to give way on pavements.

[InSearchOfPerfection]

MrsSpagBol,
As I said in my post, I believe that both person need to make an effort.

However, the way your post was worded didn't make me think we were on the same lines but that you thought the one with the pushchair should move in any case.
You've clarify that.

[SoWhatIfImWorkingClass]

And it's not exactly a massive inconvenience, is it?

No but to some people it's just the "moral" of it or something like that. Like, they know it's easier for the person without the pushchair to move but the person with the pushchair has to make the effort to move as well just because it's what people expect them to do.

Just for the record I always move. For one I don't have time to waste dodging people an for two with this compensation state we live in I can't be arsed with people looking for opportunities to swindle some money out of people.

"oh I'll just casually walk in to this mum with her pram so she hurts my foot and I can make a big song and dance about it in the street."

[SoWhatIfImWorkingClass]

*waste time dodging people

[MrsSpagBol]

InSearch

Yes I think my post was poorly worded but more out of a sense of a frustration rather than an extreme view that anyone carrying something heavy or pushing a pram should always move.

For clarity, I think if both people moved as much as they could, there would be very few stand offs. It just makes more sense.

There is something about the OP's tone that irritated me - I think the vague suggestion/ idea that pushing a pram is some great hardship and just because I am not pushing a pram I must automatically move out the way.

As I said, I am always a give wayer (to the point that it sometimes annoys people behind me) - it's just this thing the mums in my area have where they think they are entitled to the entire aisle/path/walkway/pavement for the sole reason that they have a pushchair.

And it just riles me - "your pushchair, your problem" is what I think in my head (while I give way!)

[Mia4]

YANBU but aggressive people seem to be everywhere! The amount of times I've been struggling with bags and have had doors slammed in my face, not held for a moment to help, or been barged into.

But people with buggys and the like can get very aggressive themselves, some -and i stress some because not all and i do try and maneuver out of their way anyway- parents are aggressive selfish shits when it comes to this.

I've had a dad run into the back of my ankles while 'playing' with their kid in the trolley, and not even giving a sorry just an 'opps you know how kids are', I do know how kids are mate but you were the one in control of the trolley-don't fucking 'play' races down Tesco aisle. They almost sent an old lady flying after that and did clip a five/four year old who burst into tears and wailed loud enough to bring half the store and security who evicted the dad.

Plus my poor partner had someone bash past him into his back and side with a buggy when he was waiting in a line at boots Pharmacy - I gave that woman a piece of my mind, she had the whole other side of the aisle but decided toe 'owned the middle' since she had a push chair expected him to move for her because she had a buggy. My poor partner was waiting for a prescription after having his appendix out, he wasn't exacty with it anyway and didn't see her coming, not to mention how much room she had to move around him!

I saw her again when getting into the car, she gave me a withing look and said 'oh it's you really loudly to catch our attention' to which i replied that i hoped she drove better on the road, or else she should hand in her licence for public protection. Even her husband laughed, she didn't seem too impressed like that but he was shrugging and nodding and agreeing so hopefully she took note that she was being a selfish shit.

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

I never care (as a twin buggy pusher occasionally) as long as there isn't shopping bags attached to the sides. That is rude and creating unnecessary issues.

So even though I find your tone entitled, YANBU.

You are, however, being beyond unreasonable comparing a wheelchair to a (non specialist)buggy.

[MrsSpagBol]

"I've had a dad run into the back of my ankles while 'playing' with their kid in the trolley, and not even giving a sorry just an 'opps you know how kids are', I do know how kids are mate but you were the one in control of the trolley-don't fucking 'play' races down Tesco aisle."

jumps up and down

^ what she said!!!

[HoHoHoNoYouDont]

I take great pleasure in watching people get rammed by pushchairs because they have their head down texting and aren't watching where they're going! Only last week I witnessed this on a busy shopping street. The mum could swerve as the street was packed so she just stopped hoping the guy coming towards her would move. He didn't, so his ankles got rammed! Luckily the toddler sat in the pram was unhurt.

[HoHoHoNoYouDont]

• couldn't swerve I meant to say!

[Maryshoppins]

Mrsspagbol- like you, I am always the one to give way. Therefore I don't consider myself entitled at all. I get frustrated too, frustrated that I will always be the one to move aside (sometimes causing further obstruction with my "bulky item" when in a crowded place). While the hands free persons trolls on oblivious and in their own world at times - now that sounds rather entitled to me!!

[Maryshoppins]

Specialagent- my point about the wheelchair is not that I believe a pushchair ranks the same priority! I mean that pushchairs (like a wheelchair) can be a pain to manovere in crowded spaces, as quite often they will cause further obstruction changing path suddenly!

Nothing entitled about the context of my post (ok, maybe the title sounds entitled). I'm just fed up of those able bodied rude people!

[crashdoll]

Firstly, a wheelchair is much harder to manouvere a wheelchair than a pushchair. Secondly, do not just assume someone is able bodied, many disabilities are invisible.

[MrsKoala]

if there is room to move i try to. but the variation that pisses me off is when i am halfway thru a doorway with my buggy and someone 'quickly' tries to get thru before me. either coming towards me or overtaking. it is bizarre. or when someone lovely purposely opens the dor for us and others try to run thru first - what's that all about?

where i live there is a central shopping location and one of the doors is automatic (i cant pull them open and get far enough behind the buggy to push so need to use that door) but as i approach it loads of clearly able people run/cram in in front of me so i am often standing waiting while there are 7 other unused doors which just need pulling. Also i have seen people in wheelchairs get shocking abuse for using them

in a shop i was 3/4 of the way round a square display, just coming out towards the door, with people behind me and a woman walked 2 steps into the 'square' and stood there with an angry face on and said ' i'm not moving just because you have a buggy'. i replied but i would have to manoeuvre backwards round a square and you would only need to take one step to the left'. we both stood for a bit till she huffed and moved. but really. come on. nothing to do with a buggy but just sense. like people who wont reverse or pull in. like to do so would be to 'give in'. get over yourself!

[Maryshoppins]

Crashdoll- a woman pushing a pushchair may have a hidden disability, or recovering c section etc. in an ideal world we would all be mindfull. Nobody can ever truly know these things. But in all the years I've been pushing a pushchair, I have encountered so many ignorant people, that I find it hard to believe they could have all had hidden disabilities.

With regards to the wheelchair - yes, it can be harder for a wheelchair user to move than a pushchair - agreed. So, by that can you not see in most cases, it is harder for someone pushing a pushchair (especially a double) to move, than an able bodied individual? It's all about assessing the situation ahead.

[crashdoll]

I never said the person pushing a pushchair was not disabled. I just dislike judging and assuming everyone is able bodied.

You do seem to feel very entitled in your expectation that people should have to move for you. Sometimes you move, sometimes they move. I have been forced into the side of the road by people who just refused to manouvere even a tiny bit. Pushchairs do not have right of way.

[Maryshoppins]

But crashdoll had you bothered to read some of my posts properly, you would see that I am indeed not entitled and that I always move, regardless! I just fail to see why the same curtesy can't be shown in my favour sometimes. Most (not all) of the time it makes logistical sense for the hands free person to move. Especially in crowded places!

[SneezingwakestheJesus]

Im now picturing thousands of people everywhere walking towards each other and analysing who has more rights not to move. (Is she pushing a pram? Does she look disabled? Who is more disabled, me or her?). And then they just both stop because neither will move. And they wait. And wait. And wait.