to think you won't want to go diving 3 weeks after giving birth

[ParadiseChick]

That's right, diving. On a pretty much restarted island. 5 hours drive away from your baby...

My darljng, crazy sister is 39 and expecting her first baby in July. She lives in south east Asia with her dh, both British but been out there for 7 years now. Charmed life, big income, large house, live in maid etc etc.

I've just got back from my mums who had her weekly Skype with ds is this morning. Mum has booked to go out to my sister's about 3 weeks after the baby is due to meet the baby, see my sister and help out. Today my sister asked mum if she would look after the baby for 3 nights whilst they go on a diving trip.

Sis and her dh are seasoned, experienced divers and pre pregnancy would be away on dive trips once a month. She's obviously itching to do it again as she hasn't been able to whilst pregnant.

She's planning to bf but will express.

The island they dive on is a 4 hour drive and 30 minutes on a boat. It is pretty much deserted apart from the dive club, only has power a few hours a day when the generator is put on to refill the tanks. I've been, it's stunning, but bloody cut off!

Mum is going out on her own, isn't that confident in the country, sticks to their pool and whatever restaurant the y drive her to of an evening. She'd be happier in an exclusive beach resort but hasn't had a holiday like that for years because she goes out to see dsis every year.

Mum said no. She's happy to look after the baby so they can go out for a meal or whatever but not 3 nights with a new born n a country isn't familiar with or confident in.

Sis took the higher and said something along the line of but you look after paradise kids. Yes, she's had ours overnight on a regular basis from about 12 weeks but we're 30minutes down the road on the end of a phone if need be.

All that aside - wtf? Diving? 3 weeks post birth I still felt like my insides were falling out if I walked any longer than 10 minutes and a bra hurt never mind a fucking wet suit!

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

Yanbu.

[ivanapoo]

The diving insanity aside, she really needs to get over the idea that it's a competition between your children and hers.

My sister lived with my mum for the first 6 months after having her PFB and they look after her DC at least once a week.

My parents have met my 4 month old three times because I don't live nearby. I'm slightly put out that they chose to live so far away but I don't have the right to demand the same treatment.

My other sister doesn't even have kids and lives abroad - how do we even that score?!

[lovetomoan]

I was lifting weights just an hour after my c section, and cooking, doing the laundry in the hospital,etc. yes, even before the epidural wore off and in fact, when my baby was half in half out just kidding

If I was you, I would just sit and wait...

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Cecily, breast milk can be frozen. But I agree with your points about the amount in such a short time.

[quoteunquote]

I hope she does bond with the baby, and everything goes OK,

maybe she thinks it like getting a puppy, and you can just leave it with whoever,

I wouldn't say too much or you'll back her into a corner, and she will give up the idea of bf, in order to accommodate the get away,

most insurance companies are very careful when writing policies, and cut the risk of payout to a minimum, so she will struggle to find a policies that covers her,

Just remind them to update their wills when the baby is born, then if they do get themselves into bother, then the baby won't get messed about.

[babybythesea]

I had a 'normal' birth but tore - I have a feeling I was only just past the stage where I could wee without having to get into the bath and empty buckets of water over myself while doing so at 3 weeks. I went up to my place of work when dd was 2 weeks - I managed to walk for about half an hour and then was hobbling like a 90 year old as things were starting to pull and cause pain.
The rest of me felt fine but holy crap, did those stitches hurt, and for much longer than I thought they would!
Had you suggested I then stuffed them into a wetsuit which is presumably rather tight, I'd have socked you in the nose.

The only thing with the smile and nod plan is that if she spends money booking things then she's going to not want to waste that money, I would think. So she does need to be disillusioned, but I do agree that concentrating on it not being fair to your mum rather than why she might not feel like it is better. That way, even if she is one of those lucky sods who can go back to marathon running three hours after delivery, she won't feel so resentful that she didn't go, because it wasn't about how she felt to start with, it was about your mum and that won't have changed.
If she feels like the back end of a train crash of course, then 'I told you so' seems appropriate if unfair!

[hellsbells76]

Ah bless her. She'll learn...

Anyone else old enough to remember the mnetter who was going to leave her baby in scbu so she could go on a waterskiing holiday? That thread went well

[quoteunquote]

oh do please let us know if she does attempt it?

I suspect she asked your mum, so she could blame her not being able to take part on your mum, unless she always thought you mum to be daft, she would of expected a refusal to take part in such a scheme.

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

I felt fine to get up and do stuff pp both times but the more I did the more I bled and the less milk I produced. Your sister has no way of telling if this would be her.

Plus at 3 weeks post EDD she might well only be 1 week pp. It is really common with firsts.

And yeah, really not fair to your mum who is older and probably jet lagged. Even if I wasn't I wouldn't want to look after a newborn by myself for 72 hours. That is damn hard work.

Oh and yeah, she would be exceptional if she could express that much milk in one-three weeks pp to feed a newborn (plus a decent safety margin for the stuff that gets thrown away undrunk) for 72 hours. Also she is going to have to hand express for three days because she won't be able to run a hospital grade pump with no electricity...? Man her hand will be sore and boy will that cut into diving time.

[WilsonFrickett]

I really hope she is planning this through sheer unadulterated daftness and not because her DP is pushing her... it wouldn't be unheard of for a DP to want some big declaration that they 'still came first'. Can you talk to her OP?

[middleagedspread]

If she's anything like me she won't want to dive when baby is so tiny. Emotionally the thought of all the attached risks put her off.

No way will she want to go.
You can all have a laugh about this request in a few months.

[NumericalMum]

I really feel for your DSis because she has no idea what is about to hit her [busad]

[glossyflower]

Lol. I wondered if it was a joke too!
YANBU!
As you say it's first baby, she's not going to know until after the baby's born how she's going to feel physically.
Leaving her newborn for 3 days with DM who is in an unfamiliar country whilst she goes on a little jolly jaunt is astounding to me!
I bet once the baby arrives she's not going to want to leave to go diving anyway.
Your mum shouldn't feel bad about saying no but she should try and point out to DS that its a stupid idea!

[specialsubject]

yes, but presumably those normal clothes are not a wetsuit! (in which, BTW, you cannot wear a sanitary pad for obvious reasons)

[glossyflower]

"Anyone else old enough to remember the mnetter who was going to leave her baby in scbu so she could go on a waterskiing holiday? That thread went well"
...
LMAO seriously?!

[KLou111]

Omg that's awful glossy!!

[VivaLeBeaver]

I went paragliding six weeks after a section.

However I can understand your mum not wanting to look after the baby in a foreign country when your sister will be so far away. Can your sister not do some diving during the day nearer to where the baby is? Or can your mum and baby not go to the island?

[VivaLeBeaver]

I remember the scbu, waterskiing in the Carribean thread.

[JollyPurpleGiant]

It's scary how little clue some people have about what childbirth does to you. Even a straightforward vaginal birth.

I hope your sister comes back to reality gently, op, and that medical professionals give her appropriate advice. And I really really hope your DM sticks to her decision.

[Want2bSupermum]

Here goes... As someone who is married to a lovely DH who earns a fair bit I think your DSis might be trying to please her DH. Her DH might not be saying or doing anything to warrant this. I was very happy for us not to HK and if we had gone I would never have 'help'. I went to school with quite a few expats and a large number had divorced parents as their father had run off with the maid. Some of these maids are not to be trusted and will pounce when they spot a moment of weakness. A DH with a good income and no sex for 6-8wks/ not being #1 anymore is a prime target.

I just had #2 and I am well aware of the need for routines to be reset and for DH to be 'taken care of'. There are plenty of women out there who would snap up DH in a heartbeat and while he isn't looking or interested I know they offer themselves to him.

Your sister is probably quite scared. FWIW we don't have live-ins and I hire women that are not DH's type (late 40's is the youngest age I will consider).

[Remotecontrolduck]

Oh dear, she is very naive isn't she. We all have ideas before having kids about how we will do things that simply aren't practical, but she sounds very deluded.

Maybe you do need to let her know gently that it just isn't going to be practical and give reasons, as she's in for an awful shock after the birth and it may be quite hard for her to accept that she doesn't have the freedom she used to.

On the other hand, you could just humor her and she will realise the first time she tries to stand up after giving birth that there isn't a cat in hells chance of getting into a wetsuit, and she wouldn't want to leave the baby anyway

[ParadiseChick]

I don't think mum will be changing her mind and it's not like her to say no to something, she is 59 and physically well but the 15 hours out to my sisters knocks her for 6. She's already been out once this year, wasn't planning on another trip but d sis had waited until mum got out there in Feb to tell her she was pregnant.

I've got a feelin that was done on purpose. If she'd told mum earlier she would have put off the Feb visit until after the baby was here. The flights are expensive, she hasn't got endless holidays at work and that's why she usually goes in Feb as she can take the best part of 4 weeks off and no one minds. She needs time to recover from the flights. Now she's squeezing in ten days when the baby is born.

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

Miaow,

1. just because you feel fine and recovered doesn't mean that medically it is a good idea.
   
   
2. mothers tend to bounce back quicker after baby#2
   
   
3. if you are a first time mum you have no idea whether you are going to recover quickly or not.

[Want2bSupermum]

So your mum is flying 15hrs each way for a 10 day trip, 5 of which will be spent looking after her grandchild who will be screaming hungry the whole time?