to think MIL shouldn't teach DS that throwing a tantrum is how to get what he wants?

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

A few things to set the context...

DS is three. I've been quite strict in what he eats - he's only had chocolate a handful of times (and the majority of those times were through nursery slip-ups) and until this year, we hadn't bought him an Easter egg. This is the first time I have actually bought and gave him chocolate.

Right, so this afternoon we went to the in-laws. Everyone knows DS isn't allowed chocolate/junk/etc. When we arrived, MIL and FIL said they'd bought DS an Easter egg - I said we'd already got him one, but thanks anyway, DH can eat it.

Later on, MIL decides to present the Easter egg to DS. I explained to DS that he already had half an Easter egg already today, and he can have the rest of the one we bought him later on when we get home. DS was a bit moany, but wasn't too bothered so I put the egg in my bag. MIL chirps in, asking where the Easter egg is, and said "DS you should say, 'I want my Easter egg!' and stamp your feet. Then Mummy will give it to you" [buhmm] She didn't leave it at that, she started looking around for the Easter egg, continuing to encourage DS to throw a strop and saying "don't listen to Mummy, Grandma said you can have it". She only stopped when her mother gave her a stare and changed the topic to distract DS.

AIBU to think whether or not you agree with my parenting rules, you shouldn't try and show me up in front of DS and encourage him to rebel against me?

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

I'm aware DS will eat chocolate/kebabs/whatever else when he's older. But he's got a lifetime to do that, why does he have to start now? I don't really want to go into why he should/shouldn't eat this, that and the other, because that's not really what the thread was meant to be about.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

oh I think its exactly what the thread was meant to be about....

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

Thanks for taking the effort to research my posts hobnobsaremyfave, but I've been around for a while

[Sirzy]

But what are you gaining by being so arsey about it? What exactly do you think banning foods is teaching him?

Surely an "everything in moderation" is a much healthier relationship to have with food and for that to happen parents need to encourage that from a young age.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

((yawn))

[Squitten]

She behaved badly but I think that you were rude to refuse a gift. Your DS will be given plenty of gifts that you hate over his childhood so, unless you want to be known as a very rude and ungrateful person to your family and friends, you'd better start practising your smiley face.

If you don't want to give it to him, just accept it graciously, take it home and eat it yourself or whatever. No need to be rude about it in the first place

[StuntGirl]

I think you handled it badly (although hindsight is a wonderful thing of course) but in essence I agree with your view. Don't worry about it, just respond differently next time.

[SneakyNinja]

Oh for goodness sake what a fuss! I'm not a fan of junk food either but you just roll your eyes, smile and get on with it. Just let the kid have easter eggs at easter. It's all well and good saying 'Im aware I'm probably a bit PFB' well stop it then! It is a flaw that it seems you are aware of and MIL is probably sick to death of it.

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

Well I am trying to stop being so uptight, hence buying him the Easter egg this year.

Anyway, thank you all for your feedback. I'm off to bed now - my body doesn't seem to recognise the clocks going forward at all..

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

TickTock - did you read my post, about how controlling my mum was with food, especially treats, and how it has given me such a disordered relationship with food?

[thistlelicker]

Am I the only person keen to know why chocolate is a big no no?

[needastrongone]

Tick tick. Hope you get a good nights sleep. Is there any reason why you think that you might wish to divulge? Just an interesting comment that you make about trying to relax that's all. It is hard, I probably made a lot of mistakes with ds, none of which were irreparable but he's a com

[needastrongone]

Completely different character to dd and I kind of think we all chill out a bit by the second and third child etc and that's a very very good thing!!

Sorry, pressed return too soon.

[olivertheoctopus]

Whilst I think your no chocolate rules are a bit unnecessary, YANBU at thinking your MIL was being totally out of order. It doesn't matter how daft the parents' rules are, they are THEIR rules and not for selfish twat IL's to undermine.

[needastrongone]

Sorry, blooming auto correct. Tick tock!

[littlemonkeychops]

If your MIL didn't know how you feel about chocolate then your reaction would be very rude, but i disagree that rejecting a gift is ungracious if the gift giver knows darn well that it goes against your wishes as a parent. At DS's age it is absolutely up to you what foods he does/doesn't eat. It seems obvious that your MIL is just peeved that she didn't get her own way in overruling you so tried to force the point.

[sweetmelissa]

how was I to know they were going to buy him one? And I only bought him one because DH wanted to!

I suppose because 99% of grandparents buy their grandchildren Easter Eggs, and get enormous pleasure from doing so. Isn't it just the norm?

Whatever I am so sorry that what should have been a lovely moment of pleasure was spoilt for both you, for your PIL and ultimately your son too.

One day you too will want to spoil your grandchildren too

[Bibs123]

catchingmockingbirds.... No I do not think it sounds like the poor MIL has an ounce of control.... I feel really sorry for her not even being allowed to buy her grandson an egg! She was probably quite hurt and upset. My brothers girlfriend does not let their daughter have any chocolate.. they are both really fat and stuff chocolate in front of their daughter I have even witnessed them wafting chocolate under her nose so she could smell it! I am really wary about people who deny their children simple pleasures. There is nothing wrong with teaching your children to enjoy things in moderation. I also hate people wbo thinks its ok for them to do one thing but to disallow their children from doing it. If you are going to stop your children watching tv, you stop too... same with chocolate.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Oh for crying out loud some people don't wish their children to have stuff like that, some don't care and are quite happy for it.

Either way its not down to someone else to make this choice for them or undermine them.

If a child who was allowed to have it by their parents who handed the child it then had it snatched out of his/ her hands by another adult whilst being given a anti chocolate lecture all hell would break loose.

[exoticfruits]

tubsywubsy and TSC - it's not about whether DH and I eat chocolate. DH and I drink alcohol/drive/stay up late etc, doesn't mean DS is allowed to too.

I think it is all about it. DCs do what you do and not what you say. If chocolate isn't good for him then it isn't good for you. They are very quick to pick up hypocrisy.
Your other examples are completely different-when your DC is an adult he will most likely do all those things. Chocolate is something that most children eat. If you eat it and don't allow him to eat it the only lesson is that it is highly desirable. You can easily quote the law on alcohol-there is no law on chocolate-in fact most Easter eggs are produced to be eaten by children.
All things in moderation is a much better policy.
I would be rich if I had £1 for every child who stands in front of a parent, looking as if butter wouldn't melt..., as they say 'of course little Johnny doesn't like sweet things' and they don't see 'little Johnny' when mummy is not watching!!

[exoticfruits]

And of course 'little Johnny' makes sure that his mother never sees him eating it!

[thegreylady]

Flipping heck you bought himan Easter egg and his loving dgp bought him an egg.Two rddy Easter eggs and you react as if the poor child is being forcefed Haribo! You can ration one egg[yours] so you can ration two surely-they will last longer.
My two dgs were brought here today-one hates chocolate and one loves it.I bought them gingerbread eggs with decorating kits, a book each and our 'hunt' was for sherbet flying saucers :0 Its all about fun you see-seasonal family fun just loving and sharing.

[willyoulistentome]

I have to agree with everyone else in that you seem PFB in the extreme and need to unclench. Only one Easter egg? Poor little sod.
BUT your MIL was way out of order.

[exoticfruits]

As I said at the beginning- '6 of one and half a dozen of the other' - probably well suited to one another.

[HollyBerryBush]

do you allow your children to stay up until midnight, because you do too? What about swearing?

That'd be a yes as they are in their late teens and do pretty much what they like these days