to think MIL shouldn't teach DS that throwing a tantrum is how to get what he wants?

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

A few things to set the context...

DS is three. I've been quite strict in what he eats - he's only had chocolate a handful of times (and the majority of those times were through nursery slip-ups) and until this year, we hadn't bought him an Easter egg. This is the first time I have actually bought and gave him chocolate.

Right, so this afternoon we went to the in-laws. Everyone knows DS isn't allowed chocolate/junk/etc. When we arrived, MIL and FIL said they'd bought DS an Easter egg - I said we'd already got him one, but thanks anyway, DH can eat it.

Later on, MIL decides to present the Easter egg to DS. I explained to DS that he already had half an Easter egg already today, and he can have the rest of the one we bought him later on when we get home. DS was a bit moany, but wasn't too bothered so I put the egg in my bag. MIL chirps in, asking where the Easter egg is, and said "DS you should say, 'I want my Easter egg!' and stamp your feet. Then Mummy will give it to you" [buhmm] She didn't leave it at that, she started looking around for the Easter egg, continuing to encourage DS to throw a strop and saying "don't listen to Mummy, Grandma said you can have it". She only stopped when her mother gave her a stare and changed the topic to distract DS.

AIBU to think whether or not you agree with my parenting rules, you shouldn't try and show me up in front of DS and encourage him to rebel against me?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I am sorry, but I think you were rude - for no good reason that I can see. As others have said, there are far more diplomatic ways you could have handled the situation, that wouldnt have involved you hurting your in-laws' feelings. In my opinion it would have been better to accept the egg with a polite fiction about rationing it out over coming days/weeks than to be deliberately rude.

It is also worth remembering that, as sweets go, chocolate is definitely one of the ones that are better for children - no artificial sweeteners, colours or flavours, and it isn't a gummy or sticky sweet that will adhere to the teeth and so can be more likely to cause decay.

Thirdly, I firmly believe it is better to bring children up to understand moderation and "a little of what you fancy" rather than strict control, and 'good' and 'bad' foods. I was brought up by a mum who strictly controlled portion sizes, treats, when we got sweets etc, and when I left home at 18 to train as a nurse, and had my own money, I went totally out of control, and had no idea hot to moderate my intake, or how to balance threats and a balanced diet. As a result I have a very distinction all relationship with food, and a massive weight problem. Don't go down this route, please, TickTock.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I should have said she was very unreasonable to encourage him to tantrum to get what he wants - but if he does try it, a simple No and ignoring the behaviour will nip it in the bud.

[Machli]

I have read the thread and I think what I thought when I read your OP. Uptight misery guts and maybe your MIL is just sick of it. It's a bit of chocolate at Easter. I think saying your DH would eat was just driving your point home that you Make The Decisions Round Here Thanks Very Much.

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

needastrongone I think the problem is that I bite my tongue too much. I don't think me reminding her (which I don't think was really a reminder, as it was only a week or so ago this came up) was particularly confrontational. I was just saying it within the conversation.

But yes I think I should pick my battles - as someone said earlier on in the thread. She has said some pretty borderline racist stuff before, which I/DH should pull her up on but the trickier stuff is harder.

[StuntGirl]

Christ, I think everyone's being needlessly harsh. So what if the OP doesn't give her child chocolate? Bugger me, it's not like she's unilaterally decided to cut out vegetables or something. I don't think it will kill the child to not eat it.

[Floggingmolly]

If he was only allowed one Easter egg; why did you buy him one yourself and then expressly forbid his grandparents from buying him one - to the point of saying "it's ok, DH can eat it "? It's extraordinarily controlling, I think she didn't get the "joke" (), and was making a point, albeit in a very clumsy way.

[Nanny0gg]

You're really not going to accept that most posters on here think you are massively U, are you?

There is clearly a long backstory here. You and your MiL don't get on and she is unlikely to do anything right. Probably why she reacted like a child when you were rude to her.

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

Floggingmolly - how was I to know they were going to buy him one? And I only bought him one because DH wanted to!

[Bibs123]

i think you sound really controlling and that you arr really nasty for not letting your mil buy her grandson an easter egg... and for not letting your son have the egg.

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

Oh and when I say 'borderline racist stuff' I meant towards me/DS. Just re-read what I wrote and that didn't seem clear.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

so the only one who wants to control whether he eats chocolate or not is you

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

No, both DH and I decide.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

you just said your dh wanted him to have an egg and you didn't

[HollyBerryBush]

Explain to me one simple thing. Why is it ok for you to deny your child chocolate yet you eat it yourself?

I said we'd already got him one, but thanks anyway, DH can eat it.

I think you are control freak. You could put the egg away and dole it out piece by piece if that is your wish, but to exhibit absolute bad manners and suggest your DH is a glutton is beyond the pale TBH.

[Sirzy]

What harm was an extra easter egg going to do? They last for months!

[DontmindifIdo]

You handled a situation with someone you know is difficult very badly, you insulted her and was rude, you don't seem to see that what you said first was rude. IME- if someone is difficult and prone to bad behaviour like your MIL is, then it's best to make an effort to be polite and treat them well in the first instance, only reserving being rude to them after they have actually done something wrong.

[SminkoPinko]

How was I to know they were going to buy him one?

Because, as sure as eggs is eggs, most grandparents, many aunties and uncles and even some friends will buy young children they know Easter eggs. My own 3 year old has received about 7 eggs this year, including a (v tacky!) pink plastic basket of eggs from an elderly neighbour we don't know very well and none from her parents. It is an established tradition in the UK.

[PickledInAPearTree]

If she is saying racist stuff to your 3 year old I wouldn't be going there at all to be honest.

[Catchingmockingbirds]

bibs do you not think the mil was being controlling at all trying to undermine OP infront of her son and convince him to demand for the chocolate?

[zipzap]

I would have been tempted to tell ds that the only person he is allowed to have a tantrum for is mil and that she obviously loves them as she encouraged him but that he will be in serious trouble if he throws a tantrum for you or anyone else...

[TickTockGoesTheClock]

Let me rephrase that... How was I meant to know she was going to buy him an Easter egg, given she knows he doesn't eat it?

HollyBerryBush - do you allow your children to stay up until midnight, because you do too? What about swearing?

PickledInAPearTree she doesn't say racist things to DS. It's casually racist comments, indirectly. And it doesn't happen every time, but often enough to piss me off.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

I'm glad my dc's eat chocolate now and again.....and have decent manners...

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

oh and welcome to mumsnet....