Wibu to have given DH an ultimatum over WOW?

[Moominlandmidwinter]

This could be long, so sorry in advance.

Feel utterly fed up and down in the dumps.

Am currently on maternity leave after having DD4, aged 6 months. Going back to work in June. DH works 4 shifts per week, 2 evenings, and 2 days. Before I went on mat leave, he assured me that he wouldn't leave me to do all of the housework, cooking etc. This has gone out of the window. He does do the school run, but won't do much else, as he uses the excuse that he 'works for a living'. He spends his non-working time either playing World of Warcraft, or watching TV whilst lying in bed. One morning per week he plays badminton.

Today, I felt as though it was the final straw. The DCs were falling out, DD2 has had a tummy bug so have done 6 loads of washing in 2 days, inbetween breastfeeding and looking after the baby, I've worked my backside off to stop the house looking like a shithole. The baby started crying, wanting a cuddle, I was in the kitchen, washing up after lunch. His lunch was still sitting on the table, uneaten, as he was in the middle of a 'raid'. He continued to ignore the baby, I saw red, and turned the PC off at the base. He went ballistic. I told him that I'm sick of clearing up around him, and being ignored for up to seven hours per day, and that he needs to choose between World of Warcraft and our marriage.

DH then stormed out of the house, and drove off, leaving me with the DCs. He knew full well that I was going to leave in 10 minutes to go to a breastfeeding support group at our surestart centre. Going to such groups has been a bit of a lifeline for me, as I actually get some conversation, and it's the only social life I have these days.

2 hours later, he was back. He made a half-hearted attempt at making up, by showing me wine he'd bought for our trip away with family at the end of the week. I told him I wasn't sure if I'd be going (considering staying home with baby). This send him upstairs in another mood, and he went to work without saying goodbye.

So WIBU in turning off the PC? For the ultimatum? For brushing off his non-apology?

[trikken]

We're both gamers in this house, but not when chores are to be done or kids are about. If we both do the jobs the jobs get done quicker and then we can both join in. It shouldnt be one parent doing all the work and the other having all the fun. I'd be giving him a kick up the arse by now if mine were the same.

[ErrorError]

YADNBU! WoW was a massive bone of contention between ex-P and I. Not ultimately the reason why we split up, but his incessant use of it and ignoring me and his responsibilities was surely a symptom and cause of other deep rooted problems in the relationship. He'd have periods of quitting completely and we'd be fine but as soon as he signed up again and joined a Guild, I might as well have not existed. These sorts of games I think are tricky to judge because his excuse was it was a 'hobby', and some people can treat it as such, but he had an addictive personality and when gaming borders on obsession and everyday things get neglected because of it, it's a serious concern. WoW has even been cited in divorce papers! How I wish that was a joke.

I personally would not have pulled the plug on DH's computer. But have a frank discussion when he is able to give you his undivided attention. From experience as well, when bringing it up, do say how it makes you feel but don't let that be the focus, because I focused on 'feelings' and 'being ignored' and my ex-P turned it around and made me look like a hysterical nag. What you do need to do is stress the practical issues it's creating. e.g. him neglecting housework and not paying attention to the children. Being with a gamer is quite exhausting sometimes and I'm honestly not sure I'd do it again. Good luck OP!

[RalphGnu]

YANBU! My partner plays and it drives me mad. I wouldn't care if it was an hour a night but oh no, it has to be all night until bed. We barely talk actually because he sits with his headphones in.

This, exactly, used to happen in my house every night. DP would be there in person but completely emotionally unavailable. Once I'd cooked a lovely meal and he ignored it for 30 mins because he was in the middle of a raid, so it went in the bin.

We couldn't go out because he had to take part in a raid at 8, or he had things to sell at fucking auction or some such guff. He would come through the door from work, take his coat off and immediately sit and start playing. DS would try to get his attention and be ignored and that was it for me, really. How dare he give DS the message that WOW was more important than him?

He still plays it, too much really, but only after DS is in bed. And things are difficult between us atm, so I'm happy for him to sit with his earphones in because then I don't have to have a conversation with him...but that's by the by.

WOW is addictive.

[McNewPants2013]

How are you today OP

[CocktailQueen]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFS. This thread has really made me cross. What a lazy selfish twat. WTF is the point of being on a bloody computer game all his life, and missing out on real life, and leaving you to do everything, THEN criticising you????? Fuck. Plus, don't get him to 'help' - get him to DO HIS SHARE. He's not 'helping' you with his own children!!!