To Send DD on a School Trip

[SooticaTheWitchesCat]

...even though my husband is refusing to let her go?

Our DD is nearly 9 and this year they are having a school residential trip for 2 nights to an activity centre. DD really wants to go as all her friends are going and I think it would be great for her too.

DH on the other hand says there is no way she is allowed to go, that she is just a baby and that she can't be away from us overnight.

I think he is being totally unreasonable, she isn't a baby and if she doesn't go not only will she miss out on a great experience but she will feel left out because all her friends are going.

We have argued and argued about it he wont budge in but I am now thinking of just paying the deposit and saying she can go anyway in the hope I can convince him later.

Would that be wrong? I know it will cause more arguments but she has been so upset at the thought of not being able to go.

[Hulababy]

"You send her then, fine"

Take him at face value. Call his bluff.
At least your dd will get the trip even if her dad isn't happy about it.
You've given him the chance to find out more. He is the one refusing to go so and wanting your child to miss out. Don't let him spoil your dd's opportunities.

[mrsjay]

You need to make a start to liberate her, so many opportunities will come up and he will get more used to them if you make a start in this small way. She isn't a baby- he needs to face facts.

that you can make a decision about this too dont let her see that men rule her life and you OP also have a say in what she does, I know he is old fashioned but your dd will suffer and grow up thinking I have to ask dad first

[mrsjay]

I am not saying that you should disregard his feelings and his parental status ( is that even a thing) but sometimes mum is right sometimes dad is right but on this occasion mum is right and you are doing it for your dd ,

[Wishiwasanheiress]

I just wanted to add my support for u. I agree at 9 she is old enough for an organised overnight school trip. I loved these when a child. We also stayed about 1hr away (goldhanger, Essex). It was marvellous. It felt so liberating and scary (in a cosseted comforting way!) I remember the fun on the coach singing songs, learning songs if never heard of from teachers. I remember choosing the bunk bed, unpacking and exploring the new 'home'. I remember the excitement at dinner time of finding a seat, discovering what we were having etc. I remember stories before bedtime and running with all the friends to wash before clambering into bed chatting and finally falling asleep.

It was such fun and I wAnted u to know that at 36 I still remember. Your building memories. Make them happy ones not ones of not being allowed. (Within reason obvs!)

[Numberlock]

How can you even stay married to someone with these kind of values??

[mrsjay]

and when she finally allowed them to go away on a residential trip, her and her DH would book into a B&B in the same place.

I know somebody who takes their caravan for a weekend away quite near where their dd is on guide camps

[lljkk]

mmm... is it all about sex? Is he afraid she's sexually vulnerable? Would he object just as much if she were a boy? I thought not.
I think you need to go for the jugular, does he really think British parents are so reckless that they don't want to protect their children, that they send them off anywhere to do anything?

Honestly, I think British parents are silly-protective of their parents, but then maybe it's just the modern thing because apparently British used to have sensible in my friends' lifetimes. I bow in homage to him for trumping the Brits in risk aversion but probably only for girls.

You could ask school if he could come in to see the risk assessment forms the school has filled in. All 2000 pages or so of them. Maybe that would bring him to his senses.

[lljkk]

be sensible not have sensible, argh.

[exoticfruits]

Very true LaQueen- I don't think that parents realise that overprotection goes one of two ways, either once they break free they stay free or they never manage it and are scared of the world. Neither are good outcomes. Anyone who wants to book B&B or stay in a caravan nearby needs to curb the urge- by all means go away- but in the opposite direction!

[kerala]

Totally agree with LeQueen.

Also statistically the chances of anything happening are miniscule. What really worries me is cars and older teenagers. I grew up rurally and in every school year 1 or 2 teenagers were killed in cars driven by their friends. Just devastating going to those funerals and one of the reasons we live in a small city rather than chocolate box village.

[digerd]

'You send her then' means he has 'agreed' under your duress but making you responsible for anything that he thinks might happen to her. You will be to blame.

Send her and she can thank you both for the lovely time she had, and wouldn't have missed it for the world. It is only a weekend.

Just hope he appreciates her joy and excitement of the trip and not interrogate her afterwards.

[b4bunnies]

I have a relative who never allowd her children to be baby sat by anyone other than very close family...never allowed them to travel in other parent's cars...never allowed them to go on a sleep over...and when she finally allowed them to go away on a residential trip, her and her DH would book into a B&B in the same place
hmm. brought my daughter up exactly the same way. she seems fine, and hasn't ever had any difficulty going somewhere if she wanted to. now she's staying in a lot - she has a baby whom she loves too much to leave...

[Buddybutters]

FFS just send her. She wants to go. You want her to go. Why should he have the final say? Just bloody send her. He's being stupid. No way I'd even waste breath arguing about if. Knob. Him not you.

[exoticfruits]

she has a baby whom she loves too much to leave...

Roots and wings spring to mind. I find it quite insulting as in 'if you really loved your baby you wouldn't leave them'. It is OK with the baby, although I find it sad that dad never gets any time completely alone, but it isn't healthy later on. Parenting is the one job where you make yourself redundant, if you do it well then they always want to come back because they really enjoy your company. It needs to be gradual and age appropriate. It is age appropriate for a 9yr old to have 2 nights away-and especially if she wants to do it.

The saddest poster on here was a woman who had never left home, never had a partner or a child because her parents had never let her do the normal things and, when older, she was simply too scared.She blamed them.
I can't think why anyone wants to hold back their child with the message, it is a scary world and you are only safe with mummy or daddy. Life is for living!

[Hulababy]

"b4bunnies: she has a baby whom she loves too much to leave..."


Do you really believe that people who dare to go out and leave their baby in the care of another trusted adult do not love their babies as much?

Do you also therefore believe that people who dare to work when they have babies and children do not love their babies as much either?

Does this only apply to mothers and not fathers?

[Floggingmolly]

Wait till the baby is two. She won't be able to get to the pub fast enough.

[exoticfruits]

Probably not-her experience of mothering is being overprotective. I dare she is one of those mothers who makes a virtue out of 'I never go out'-other people can cope with a child for a couple of hours!