To feel like a failure!

[upndown]

Basically my daughter - 6, is very overweight. She is in 10- 11 year clothes and carries the most weight on her tummy, but is visible overweight all over.

She was a very skinny toddler, but her weight crept up over the years from around the age of three. I honestly don't know how I've allowed it to get this way but I'm struggling to get her weight down. I eat a healthy diet in general. But I have a love for all things sweet too. I guess I've allowed my daughter to too.

She always seems to be hungry and over the past few weeks I have ensure that five days of the week she has no sweets/chocolate. at the weekends - I allow her some treats. She fills up in between meals on fruit.

Why haven't I seen a loss? I know these things are gradual, but she looks exactly the same size! I'm careful that she doesn't pick up on this, but she is already concious of her weight because she said 'I wan't a flat tummy like my friends at school" I am SO angry with myself for letting it get this bad. I know there are friends in her class that live on crap and fast foods. They are bean poles!

The types of food she eats are listed below. I never fry food or cook in grease and use healthy spread for toast.

Weetabix/rice crispies
granary toast
low fat cream cheese
lots of fruit
most veg
chicken
cod
fish fingers (yes I know!)
pasta with pesto
sausages
bolognaise
rice
mash
new potatoes
rice cakes/breadsticks
houmous
skimmed milk


mcdonalds is the only fast food she would eat and that is on average a handful of times a year.

chocolate was most days until the last 6 weeks.

is anyone in asimilar position. I want her healthy, but not feeling her weight truly reflects what she consumes??


btw, she is not very active, but I think that's mainly due to her size...
Thanks

[verytellytubby]

Get swingball, a trampoline and wii just dance. Ban the TV on weekdays and get her moving.

Cut the toast at breakfast. Cereal is sufficient. Take her swimming at the weekends. Baby steps. Sit with her at the side of the pool and slowly get her used to it.

My lot eat huge amounts but they are active. In fact they are on the trampoline now in their PJ's.

I often do the 30 day shred and my 7 year old joins in!

[minouminou]

Yikes! Cereal bars as well!
Also, I'd ditch the low fat cream cheese and use regular cream cheese. Low fat options have all sorts of junk in to compensate for the fat (which holds the flavour of food). Most often these substitutes are v sugary.

[verytellytubby]

5 stone sounds like a lot. See your GP for advice. Is the drawing club every playtime? She needs to play and run around.

[minouminou]

Have to say as well, we're a fidgety family. DD is on her scooter right now....up and down a wooden hallway. Drives me mad. I'm on the sofa, shaking my right leg up and down as I write thus message on my iphone. It all adds up....

[verytellytubby]

You say she fills up on fruit between meals. Fruit has calories too. Surely one apple or a handful of grapes is enough. Download myfitnesspal app and log everything. You will be shocked. I was! She needs more protein too.

[LongingForLamu]

A nutritionist family friend loathes all cereal told me to throw it out and do eggs or porridge for breakfast. The children won't eat eggs at breakfast but will have an omelette sometimes at supper. Somehow, cooking eggs in the morning feels more time consuming, though it's not.

Hmm Time to try and introduce soft boiled eggs and soldiers..

[uggmum]

I think exercise is the key here. Alongside a healthy diet. I would cut down on carbs and have low gi alternatives, brown rice/pasta etc.

But I would ramp up the exercise. My ds does gymnastics for 9 hours a week, which includes a running schedule, he is 9 and weighs 30kg. He is never still.

Your local leisure centre should have some classes that you could sign up to. You are more limited during the week but there are usually classes available on Saturdays. You could try dance classes a few nights during the week if you have a local dance school.

My local council have a programme for overweight children. This consists of special exercise classes and nutritional advice. It might be worth checking if yours do too as at least you would get additional support.

[verytellytubby]

Definitely exercise. Could you sign her up for Brownies as well? It would be another hour of not sitting around.

[Chandon]

She fills up on fruit between meals...

There is no need to fill up on anything between meals, imo.

For lots of people it is quite normal to be a bit hungry between meals, and before a meal. Feeling hungry is not something that needs to be remedied straight away. I see lts of parents giving thier children snacks all the time, eb it fruit or crisps, as soon as they say they are "hungry". The " hunger is remedied straight away. When really, this instant gratificaion is a fairly recent phenmomenon.

Also, kids do as you do, not as you tell them. Do you yourself have food or weight issues? Doyou think it is normal to grab a snack as soon you are a bit hungry?

It is very hard to swim against the tide when it feels the whole world is telling you t snack! I remember going to the cinema being a treat, without any sweets or popcorn or fizzy drinks. Now it feels so spartan to not nibble throughout the film. Just an example. But anyway, ther is no need to "fill up" on anything between meals.

[peacefuleasyfeeling]

Ow, poor you. Don't feel like a failure. Lots of people have mentioned getting more active and serving appropriate portion sizes (which are tiny), but the thing I would like to second is what Chandon just said about filling up between meals. Fruit, although being healthy, is very high in sugars.
It is healthy to allow yourself to feel hungry between meals, and then you can really appreciate and anticipate the next meal.
I wish you all the best, and please don't feel too bad.

[thegreylady]

You are not a failure. A failure wouldn't be trying so hard. It is very difficult if a child puts on weight easily and you certainly have the right ideas. I'd leave the fruit alone,reduce the carbs and increase the protein. You should try to replace some of the sweet fruit with something like tomatoes or cucumber. Most children enjoy carrot or pepper sticks too.

[Montybojangles]

1st, sorry, I'm being very lazy and not reading all the previous posts ( very rude I know). So sorry if I'm repeating.
2nd, don't beat yourself up about this, you have recognised there's a problem and are dealing with it. Well done.
Fruit isn't actually that great as regular snacks (as in multiple pieces a day), as though it's healthier than a chocolate bar it's fairly high in fruit sugar, as gives a bit of a sugar rush and causing the body to have to dump a load of insulin into the system. Once the blood sugar drops back down the body craves food again. Better to snack on slower release carbohydrates, or veggie batons or low fat protein as these will keep her satisfied for longer (same for you if you have pcos).
Sausages are pretty high in fat, and not good for bowel health if eaten too often. Maybe try veggie sausages as an alternative. Chicken (no skin) and fish are great. Pork is a suprisingly low fat meat provided you trim the fat, so if you are making spag Bol perhaps use pork or turkey or veg mince ( the packs will have fat % on them). And bulk it out with veg, grate or finely chop in carrots, onions, celery etc.
Bulk up meals with veg, if making mash use half potatoes and half root veg (or all root veg) you can use a mix of veggies, it's delicious.
Pesto is pretty high fat, maybe try making a tomato asked veg sauce to stir through with plenty of basil in for flavour (make a big pot and freeze in portions). Make sure if it's a rice or pasta dish that you are still serving plenty of veggies and that the pasta isn't making up most of the meal.

Exercise is really important, as this will reduce any insulin resistance. It is recommended that a child her age do 1 hour vigorous activity each day. I know it's very expensive, but of you can afford one a wii would be great, as you can "play" together, sports or dance challenges, as it doesn't seem to be exercise. If not, dance around the kitchen, get a swing ball for the garden, or table tennis set to play indoors. Maybe she would like geocaching as a kind of treasure hunt (walking without it being a chore).

Finally, you should ask for support from your gp. have you asked your gp for a referral to a dietitian? That way you can take along a weeks current diet plan and she/he can work through it with you and fine tune it so it's as healthy as possible. Some PCTs run weight loss programmes for children. Good luck.

[ChristmasJubilee]

You are not a failure. You have recognised there is a problem and are doing something about it.

Looking at the meal plan you have given I think she is eating quite a lot. She is having 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. Could you bring tea forwards so that she doesn't need an after school snack or have it later to avoid an evening one. She is also having quite a lot at each meal. Ds(6) would have cereal or toast and some berries for breakfast, a sandwich with salad or fruit for lunch and a cooked meal with meat or fish, potatoes, pasta, or rice and vegetables and yogurt or fruit for dinner. He would have, at most, 1 snack, and he is fairly active and not skinny.

I would ditch the smoothies and cereal bar and keep the fruit to a couple of pieces a day. Offer cucumber/carrot sticks/cherry tomatoes instead and stick to 1 small treat at weekends.

Make a list of active pursuits you can do together and aim for an hour each evening and two on a Saturday and Sunday, you will soon see results.

Good luck!

[HumphreyCobbler]

I have become aware that my dc were eating too much sugar. I have managed to reduce the amount gradually until they are not really snacking at all between meals, except a banana after school for my ds. It can be done if your persevere.

I agree with those saying ditch the useless carbs - wholemeal bread/rice are good. Also I think she should not have skimmed milk or low fat stuff. She needs some fat in the milk to absorb the nutrients and low fat stuff is rubbish. Some fat in her diet will stop her feeling so hungry. This is not about low carbing for a six year old, rather sensible nutritional advice imvho.

[idshagphilspencer]

For everyone who is suggesting cutting out whole food groups.
This is a healthy , balanced diet
/publications/files/2012/09/DH-Eatwell-plate-A3-poster-JPEG.jpg&imgrefurl=www.dh.gov.uk/health/2012/06/about-the-eatwell-plate/&h=3508&w=4961&sz=7956&tbnid=UZoEGbT1W3q7DM:&tbnh=91&tbnw=128&zoom=1&usg=__8YsscNrlgt905ekfdFUmGZUdfdI=&docid=mIlj34BnV_0tzM&sa=X&ei=v3k8UePcPM7Y7AbWqIDoAg&ved=0CEYQ9QEwAQ&dur=2358www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.wp.dh.gov.uk

[idshagphilspencer]

bugger that didn't work
just google
"the healthy plate" it gives clear guidance how much of each food group we should be eating.

[HumphreyCobbler]

No one is suggesting cutting out whole food groups.

[idshagphilspencer]

Erm only those posters suggesting ditching carbs or severely restricting them then......

[HumphreyCobbler]

no, eating a few less rubbish carbs is what they were suggesting. Not ditching them

[idshagphilspencer]

fine.

[BIWI]

What you are feeding your daughter is way too much sugar. You need to be giving her more protein and more fat - she doesn't need low fat foods at all. She needs the fat to help her grow and develop.

If you know about insulin resistance then you should know about carbohydrates in food - and many of the foods you are giving her are very high in easily accessible carbs - sugar, for want of a better word. All the the body does is to turn these carbs into sugar in the body.

Breakfast either 1.5 weetabix or small bowl of Rice Krispies (approx the amount you would get in a variety pack) with skimmed milk and a slice of granary toast with flora

Mainly carbs - some protein from the milk. She would be a lot better having scrambled eggs on toast - with butter and drinking full fat milk

Mid day snack - could be organix snack bar or nature valley oats and honey bar or a piece of fruit.

Hugely high in carbs and sugar.

Lunch, a low fat cheese spread sandwich on granary (only filling she'll eat), some blueberries or raspberries or grapes, an apple, a fromage frais and carrot sticks. Also, she will have an innocent smoothie.

Again - why the low fat? Where is the protein here? Why so much fruit - way, way, way too much sugar, especially from the smoothie

After school, a rice cake and some fruit

More sugar and loads of carbs

Dinner could be pasta and sausages/fish fingers/cod/chicken, could be rice dish or bolognaise (I mostly cook from scratch - no jars) she eats veg with each meal.

Drop the pasta/rice and serve the protein component with more veg/salad

After dinner until bed any snacks are basically fruit or rice cakes/breadsticks.

More carbs and sugar


There's also a lot of snacking going on here - and I'm not surprised that she wants to eat snacks - all this sugar will result in frequent spiking in her blood sugar, with the subsequent fall after her body has released a load of insulin to deal with it - which makes her hungry.

If you can cut the carbs down, her blood sugar levels will stabilise and she won't be so hungry - she is much less likely to need to snack so often.

You should look to increase her protein levels and up her fat. She can eat plenty of carbohydrate, but this should be in the form of vegetables and salad rather than the too-easily-accessible carbs that you are giving her now.

[Cotapaxi]

I really do sympathise with the OP as her DD's diet does seem quite healthy at first glance. This whole nutrition business is so hard to get right.

What would you substitute the fruit, rice cakes etc for? Carrot sticks, celery, nuts, avocado? Good foods but stuff I suspect a lot of 6 years olds wouldn't eat.

I would definitely ditch the Rice Krispies - no nutritional value at all. Porridge is fab, scrambled eggs and salmon, boiled egg? It's easy on paper but much harder to introduce in real life.

Lunch mine have tomatoes, ham, apple, pitta bread with humous, boiled egg, cheese, kiwi fruit or banana, carrots and yeo valley yoghurt (as opposed to the petit filous type).

Dinner might be a chicken breast or salmon fillet with brown rice and steamed broccoli, carrots, green beans or corn on the cob.

I am fortunate that I fed them this type of diet from an early age so I don't have the problem of weaning them off the sugary stuff to begin with, I guess you could do it slowly and subtly which will of course mean it takes longer to see a difference but would pay dividends in the end.

[sansucre]

No-one is suggesting the OP cuts all carbs from her daughter's diet. Carbs are found in vegetables and these are the best carbs to consume.

Tbh, I'm shocked at the amount of food in a day OP's daughter is eating, especially all the snacking and the highly processed stuff such as rice crispies, smoothies, fromage frais and low-fat spread. Her diet should be full of natural, unprocessed food. Things like rice cakes and bread sticks are nothing but empty calories either. Full fat milk and butter is so much better than skimmed and so-called healthy spreads/butter substitutes. It's a massive, massive myth that fat makes you fat. It doesn't but it has to be natural. Highly processed foods and sugar in any form will lay down fat. And most carbs turn into sugar, even the so called healthy ones like pasta and rice, just look at the back of the pack.

The current rise in obesity has happened because of the dietary advice from our govt and GPs telling us to build our diets around grains and carbs. Oh, and btw, it's a myth we need to eat five portions of fruit and veg a day, this was started by the fruit growers association in the US as a way of making us buy more fruit. Fruit is full of fructose, sugar. It's not healthy. (My father was actually a fruit broker, so ate silly amounts of fruit and held all the weight on his stomach. He became diabetic and once we managed to convince him to stop eating so much fruit, all the weight fell off.)

Hmm, I suspect I'll be flamed but the OP is worried about her daughter and it's time for a radical overhaul of her eating habits. If you don't change her ways now, you probably won't and this could get worse.

Lastly, you're not a failure, so stop thinking that.

Good luck with it :)

[Toptack]

Can I second the suggestion to go to the GPs and ask for a referral to a registered dietitian? Not sure how long the wait would be on the NHS, but I'm sure they would be best placed to recommend dietary changes and advise how best to implement them (and also identify any underlying health problems).

Please don't feel like a failure, btw. My 2 year old rarely wants to eat anything and meal times can be depressing - its so easy to blame ourselves - but you are tackling the issue and that's the important bit!