To feel like a failure!

[upndown]

Basically my daughter - 6, is very overweight. She is in 10- 11 year clothes and carries the most weight on her tummy, but is visible overweight all over.

She was a very skinny toddler, but her weight crept up over the years from around the age of three. I honestly don't know how I've allowed it to get this way but I'm struggling to get her weight down. I eat a healthy diet in general. But I have a love for all things sweet too. I guess I've allowed my daughter to too.

She always seems to be hungry and over the past few weeks I have ensure that five days of the week she has no sweets/chocolate. at the weekends - I allow her some treats. She fills up in between meals on fruit.

Why haven't I seen a loss? I know these things are gradual, but she looks exactly the same size! I'm careful that she doesn't pick up on this, but she is already concious of her weight because she said 'I wan't a flat tummy like my friends at school" I am SO angry with myself for letting it get this bad. I know there are friends in her class that live on crap and fast foods. They are bean poles!

The types of food she eats are listed below. I never fry food or cook in grease and use healthy spread for toast.

Weetabix/rice crispies
granary toast
low fat cream cheese
lots of fruit
most veg
chicken
cod
fish fingers (yes I know!)
pasta with pesto
sausages
bolognaise
rice
mash
new potatoes
rice cakes/breadsticks
houmous
skimmed milk


mcdonalds is the only fast food she would eat and that is on average a handful of times a year.

chocolate was most days until the last 6 weeks.

is anyone in asimilar position. I want her healthy, but not feeling her weight truly reflects what she consumes??


btw, she is not very active, but I think that's mainly due to her size...
Thanks

[minouminou]

I don't think anyone's suggested low carbing the OP's daughter, just trimming off the emptier ones.

[WorraLiberty]

Swimming lessons??

Why?

Again being a 43yr old gimmer I can honestly tell you that none of my friends were bought swimming lessons.

Parents taught their kids by having fun in the local pool...and those who didn't/couldn't relied on the school to teach them.

Not being able to afford private lessons is no reason for any child not to learn to swim unless they have 2 parents who are terrified of water.

[teatrolley]

Ruprekt did but the rest of the advice was sensible.

[upndown]

teatrolley Thank you for your helpful post :-) I do feel after reading this thread that I definitely need to up her activity - pronto!

As I say apart from a few things, I think the food she eats is reasonable, but I will make certain changes and definitely keep an eye not to overload plate with a second helping of carbs. I don't want to eliminate any food groups though. Just make sure she is getting the right amounts of each group that she needs.

She drinks heaps of water (she only drinks water with the exception to one innocent smoothie each day with her packed lunch)

[minouminou]

Our two can swim already, but it's more of a glorified doggy-paddle. We'll be getting them lessons to improve their technique later this year, so that they swim more efficiently and enjoyably. This means they'll swim more!

Personally, if I was the OP, I'd spend the swimming money on something less expensive that her daughter did more regularly, like an after-school dance class, but we don;t know how the OP's week is structured. Working for yourself is a pain, and it can nicely subsume everything else.....

[larks35]

have you looked at the www.geocaching.com/ link at all? It could be fun for both of you at weekends.

[piprabbit]

Do you have the outside space for a trampoline? Or could you find her an exercise-based activity which isn't swimming (at least until she has her confidence back - although I imagine she'll be swimming with the school in the next year or so). Take a look at what your local leisure centre offers, there are often trampolining classes, and there are mini Zumba-type sessions which she might enjoy.

Good luck - don't panic about the food, you're taking steps to sort that out. Now you just need to tackle the other half of the equation - using the energy she puts in.

[upndown]

Worra I love swimming! I was a lifeguard in my late teens. I'm so bemused that my daughter is scared of the water. I've taken her many times and she just freaks out (from baby to recent). The idea with swimming lessons was simply that I feel someone else will be able to get through to her as I think we are stuck in a rut.

[minouminou]

Ah - a bloody smoothie! Every day?

www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/foodanddrinknews/9745798/Smoothies-contain-more-calories-than-Coke-Which-warns.html

[piprabbit]

BTW Fruit Smoothies are delicious and have lots of fruit in - but absolutely atrocious if you are trying to control your weight (I have bitter experience on that) as they contain a huge amount of natural sugars. There is no way I could get away with drinking one a day, and that is as an adult.

[piprabbit]

x-post - good link minouminou

[minouminou]

And they cost a knobbing fortune.

[teatrolley]

It sounds like you have it sorted. If you want to build up her stamina, try daily walks starting at just 5 minutes and add a couple of minutes each week. In a couple of months she'll be doing 20 minutes a day.

[minouminou]

OK, ladies.....it's late and I have to get to bed.
I think the OP's had some great advice here, and a lot of hidden calories have come to light that can be dispensed with quite safely!
Good luck with it all, OP....you'll be reyt.

[shepherdsdelight]

Please, please try to act on all the good advice given here. I know it might be very, very difficult but NOW is the time to start changing.

Of all my failings as a mother, (and my dcs are now 25 and 20) the one I feel most remorse about is not taking sufficient care of my dd's diet and activities . At 6 I knew she had more of a tummy than her peers - and I naively hoped she would grow 'up' more than 'out' over the years.

It really breaks my heart to see her now, at 20, 5ft 3, and size 14 (she says) but I think nearer size 16. Her weight/shape affects every aspect of her life - in a negative way. At last she is making a real effort to attack the problem herself but I so wish I had tried MUCH harder to help her when she was younger.

By the time she was in her teens there was no way I could know what she was eating when she was out with friends, and even the small amount of exercise she got from sport at school ended when she went to 6th form college.

Finding my poor beautiful dd sobbing amongst a mountain of clothes in a changing room as a young teen, knowing I was 100% to blame, was an experience I wouldn't wish upon on anyone

At six, you still have a huge amount of control over what your dd eats and does - it gets very much harder with each year that passes.
Please start TODAY!!!

[Ruprekt]

Low carbing is not evil!

It is a sensible way to eat.

Read up on what carbs do to the body. Highs and lows in blood sugars, fill you up and make you hungry again.

Since I started cutting out sugar and carbs both dh and i feel more energetic, stopped snacking and enjoy our food more.

[piprabbit]

Ruprekt - are you a 6yo girl?

[upndown]

Thank you all for your helpful advice. There is lots to take on board and I'm grateful for all those links too.

I'm bemused so far, by the sugar content in smoothies and the rice cakes!! But it definitely goes without saying, that getting active is they key here. But will definitely be tweaking her diet.

Goodnight! Will keep you all posted.

[upndown]

Oh wanted to comment on the carbs post by Ruprekt.

I get what you are saying. I have insulin resistance so lowered my carb intake and opted for small portions of unrefined carbs and also made sure I added protein with a carb such as a small amount of peanut butter, or houmous.

It worked and I have lost weight, have more energy etc. But most people don't suffer with insulin resistance and can eat carbs. Obviously a sensible portion. I think it's quite unrealistic to do this for children or to eliminate carbs altogether though.

[pollypandemonium]

OP you might be able to get some help from the health service. Have you asked the doctor?

They will probably tell you that you can't get your dd's weight down, only keep it stable. She is growing and should grow into her weight.

My dd was overweight as a baby and toddler and it took a long time to stabilise it. She's still a bit chubby and more interested in food than she ought to be.

Don't feel you are a bad parent - it is very easy to not see our children as they really are sometimes.

[upndown]

"shepherdsdelight* I completely get where you are coming from. I dread this! It must be hard to watch. I too know the blame lies with me. I see her get bigger each year. Her uniform is a nightmare to buy, she never looks comfortable either. I'm definitely making changes! Thank you.

[piprabbit]

BTW - have you come across the MEND programme, they are often advertising their activities in our local newspaper and they seem well-respected. They might be able to help you and your DD.

[upndown]

pollypandemonium - thank you :-) She was weighed by a school nurse, she is 33 kilos they wrote to me and advised me to start the mend program. I was worried it would put too much emphasis on it for my daughter. I don't believe our diet is that bad. I just need to get my backside in gear and make a few positive changes.

Ironically when my daughter was a toddler, they were concerned she was underweight. They tried to get me to 'fatten her up' but they suggest absurd things like full fat cream on weetabix! I never did take their advice!

How do you cope with your daughter's hunger pangs?

[squeakytoy]

"They will probably tell you that you can't get your dd's weight down, only keep it stable. She is growing and should grow into her weight."

When a 6 year old is wearing clothes for a child twice her age, I very much doubt that!. She is not going to grow that quickly.

And of course you can get a childs weight down when they are obese. It is called exercise and healthy diet. Not waiting and hoping that they "grow into" the fat.