To feel like a failure!

[upndown]

Basically my daughter - 6, is very overweight. She is in 10- 11 year clothes and carries the most weight on her tummy, but is visible overweight all over.

She was a very skinny toddler, but her weight crept up over the years from around the age of three. I honestly don't know how I've allowed it to get this way but I'm struggling to get her weight down. I eat a healthy diet in general. But I have a love for all things sweet too. I guess I've allowed my daughter to too.

She always seems to be hungry and over the past few weeks I have ensure that five days of the week she has no sweets/chocolate. at the weekends - I allow her some treats. She fills up in between meals on fruit.

Why haven't I seen a loss? I know these things are gradual, but she looks exactly the same size! I'm careful that she doesn't pick up on this, but she is already concious of her weight because she said 'I wan't a flat tummy like my friends at school" I am SO angry with myself for letting it get this bad. I know there are friends in her class that live on crap and fast foods. They are bean poles!

The types of food she eats are listed below. I never fry food or cook in grease and use healthy spread for toast.

Weetabix/rice crispies
granary toast
low fat cream cheese
lots of fruit
most veg
chicken
cod
fish fingers (yes I know!)
pasta with pesto
sausages
bolognaise
rice
mash
new potatoes
rice cakes/breadsticks
houmous
skimmed milk


mcdonalds is the only fast food she would eat and that is on average a handful of times a year.

chocolate was most days until the last 6 weeks.

is anyone in asimilar position. I want her healthy, but not feeling her weight truly reflects what she consumes??


btw, she is not very active, but I think that's mainly due to her size...
Thanks

[teatrolley]

The point is that you don't get young children into regular weigh ins or on reduced calorie diets (eating fewer calories than recommended for he age.) Yes, it is possible that she may drop weight but that shouldn't be the target. She still has a rapidly developing brain, growing bones etc that could be damaged by trying to get rid of too much weight too quickly.

[squeakytoy]

weighing 5 stone at six years old is not healthy, the weight needs to come off..

[teatrolley]

Things like always eating at the table and not having the tv on during meals can help as it breaks a lot of snacking routines.

[pollypandemonium]

They're not hunger pangs they are greed pangs. I'm working on it. I try to restrict eating while she's watching tv, she associates the two together which is a problem. Chewing gum helps for this. I'm learning to be a bit more assertive when dp walks in the front door with another 'treat' (grrr). Not having stuff in the house is helpful.

We had a similar problem in that she was underweight as a baby and went on heavy duty formula feed and due to poor physical strength wasn't able to burn it off.

Squeakytoy I was told that it was quite dangerous to expect a child to lose weight as they need the nutrition. What they need to do is go down in the weight percentile scales and that is the measure you use.

[teatrolley]

And if you try to do it too fast it could cause damage. As the OP's DD is carrying a fair bit of extra weight she will probably lose some as well as getting taller over time. It will take time though. Better a long lasting change that will see her gradually getting back on track than a quick fix that could harm as well help.

[upndown]

I definitely couldn't do it fast! I've already cut her treats out in the week over a six week period and see no change. It's incredibly frustrating. 5 stone is absurd really. I would have expected some weight loss initially. I definitely wouldn't want to restrict her recommend calorie intake though. So, no I wouldn't put her on a diet.

[squeakytoy]

It is how the nutrition is balanced out though... breadsticks and rice cakes are not needed, they are just empty carbs and calories. Sticks of celery would be a better alternative.

It is more dangerous for a child to be living a sedentary lifestyle and carrying too much extra weight.

[squeakytoy]

OP, what is her typical daily menu?

She should be having the bulk of her carbs earlier in the day. They will give her the energy to see her through the day.

[pollypandemonium]

OP your paediatrician / dietitian should be talking you through this really. You have to handle it carefully and ensure it is a positive change for her as well. Focusing on the physical activity might help her more.

Can you take her to parks with other children regularly? Even an extra half hour in the playground might be helpful.

[upndown]

Hi Squeaky toy. An average day

Breakfast either 1.5 weetabix or small bowl of Rice Krispies (approx the amount you would get in a variety pack) with skimmed milk and a slice of granary toast with flora

Mid day snack - could be organix snack bar or nature valley oats and honey bar or a piece of fruit.

Lunch, a low fat cheese spread sandwich on granary (only filling she'll eat), some blueberries or raspberries or grapes, an apple, a fromage frais and carrot sticks. Also, she will have an innocent smoothie.

After school, a rice cake and some fruit

Dinner could be pasta and sausages/fish fingers/cod/chicken, could be rice dish or bolognaise (I mostly cook from scratch - no jars) she eats veg with each meal.

After dinner until bed any snacks are basically fruit or rice cakes/breadsticks.

She drinks water in between

[upndown]

Just to add, six weeks ago, biscuits or chocolate would have been included too!!

[upndown]

Polly - although my daughter has friends and goes on play dates etc, she tends to like drawing club at break times. I kind of disagree with the school doing this. But I can't stop her if I'm not there. So even though she sometimes plays in the playground, it's not enough!

[squeakytoy]

I would say that is quite low on protein and calcium. And too much fruit too (sugar).

[teatrolley]

I think you need to see a dietician that deals with children. It sounds like she had an awful lot of sugar (even though much of it's from fruit) but simply saying cut that isn't enough. A professional knows the balance of nutrients she needs and might spot that she's missing things that we wouldn't.

[Chavvytastic]

I think activity is the key.

Do you have a friend or neighbour who has a friendly dog you could take for walks together?? With the lighter evenings coming this could be a way of being more active. Or get involved with some leafleting for any one or any charity - the local church/charity or even a local someone setting up their own business. Kids have a weird fascination of posting stuff through letter boxes.

See what clubs are available in the evenings. Dont just assume Dance is expensive (like I did) some of the more current classes like street dance etc are dirt cheap. Even joining something like Rainbows or Brownies would help. It may not be an "excercise" class but by joining something like this she would maybe more active than if she stayed at home playing. She would need to get there and back (you could walk/cycle) and then once there even on craft nights she would be being more active than at home. In the summer etc Brownies (from age7) will do loads of outdoor fun activities.

Its really good you are working towards improving your daughters health and fitness.

[myBOYSareBONKERS]

I would cut down on breakfast. My 9 year old doesn't have that amount and he is at risk of being overweight too. One wheetabix is enough and no toast.

[myBOYSareBONKERS]

If you are in the Northamptonshire area I can recommend a swimming instructor

[Morloth]

That is a very carb heavy diet.

When I eat lots of carbs I get fat, when I don't I get thin.

It might not be popular but that is the way it works for me.

[echt]

OP, some thoughts about your average food day.
Is there sugar added to the Rice Krispies? Some protein at breakfast is better, e.g. egg with the toast, but instead of the cereal not as well as .

Snack bars are the work of the devil. Bin them. Look at the calories on the side. You might as well give her a Mars bar.

Check the calories in that smoothie. It will be full, I'll bet. Water is enough. The fromage frais will be full of sugar too.

Get rid of the rice cakes. A lot of the stuff she's eating is very sweet, so perhaps wean her off the sweet stuff that gives nothing - cereal, snack bars, as well as the breadsticks and rice cakes.

[echt]

I forgot to say, you are not a failure, OP. You've seen the problem and are doing something about it.

[LongingForLamu]

My 6 year old weighs 3 stone 2lbs.

Her daily diet on a school day:

Breakfast: spelt porridge or whole wheat toast with peanut butter
Fruit snack: One piece of fruit, different each day and 5 japanese rice crackers
Lunch: Cold pasta with sweetcorn, peas and grated cheese on top. Yoghurt
Mid afternoon: Fun snack eg. a couple of kids choc biscuits or 3 jacobs crackers with butter and jam or slice of homemade carrot cake.
Dinner: Stirfry chicken with lots of vegetables and a little bit of rice

Every evening her plate has protein and AT LEAST two vegetables one of which is nearly always broccolli for some odd reason, with only a little helping of the carb.

Also, only one juice a day, and milk with meals. Always drinks plenty of water.

[LongingForLamu]

She is allowed one portion of chips on the weekend, usually with chicken nuggets, from the local cafe.

[gardenfan]

i understand how you feel, i feel a failure, and DD is 24!!!!!, was slim child, with a healthy attitude to food.
6 years at uni, with junk food and alcohol led to her becoming obese, she fully admits the problem now is portion control, as she has ditched the junk food and alcohol, she is active, and knows how to eat healthily, but she eats too much, hence the weight doesnt shift, but i still feel i am judged as being a bad parent!!

[WorriedTeenMum]

I would strongly recommend doing a food diary for a few days.

We did this when DD1 was around 8 and visibly larger than all her friends.

What we found was that a particular drink she enjoyed with 'no added sugars' was in fact packed with calories and she was drinking a couple of litres of this every day!

We cut her down to one glass at lunch time having explained to her that it wasnt healthy.

Within a few weeks the excess weight fell off her and now at 17 she is a healthy and hearty size 10.

[eslteacher]

Maybe one idea is to think of ways she can be more active at home, given that you work full time and aren't realistically going to be able to get her outside running around for ages every day.

Do you have a garden / any outdoor space? You say you're in London so Im not sure. Swingball is fantastic, I hated sports but loved this. And it gets you moving.

I think the Wii has some great active games, Wii Fit obviously, but also dance games etc. You could get one second hand?

Dance Dance Revolution is a dance-mat game that exists for tons of platforms, even PC. For PC the software is free (its called StepMania) you just need to get a mat or two (cheap on ebay) , and download the songs (I could give you some tips on this). I highly, highly recommend this: its great exercise and really fun. Gets me sweating every time, more than any other 'active' video game.

What about other active toys like disco hoppers / skipping ropes / pogo sticks / trampolines? If she's not inclined to exercise you might need to make it more enticing, for example: do these things with her yourself / make up some kind of challenge / record personal bests and try to beat them etc...

Good luck!