To expect only the guests I've invited to turn up to my DD's party?

[mummyloveslucy]

It was my daughters 8th birthday recently and I envited all the girls from her class. Most of them replied and one asked if she could bring her sister. I said yes, then kind of wished I hadn't, because I thought now I can't say no to any other siblings and there could be loads.
Anyway, we had all the replies, so I bought the right nomber of party bags, specially made cup-cakes etc and set a pretty table with the right nomber of chairs. Then 3 siblings turn up. There parents hadn't asked me if this was o.k, if they had, I would've set extra places etc. The siblings sat at the table and so there wasn't enough room, which caused 3 tearful girls. I had to squash them in on the corners. Then the uninvited siblings were waiting for party bags. (With their parents!!) The parents even expected that the siblings that hadn't been invited should get a party bag. When I said "I'm really sorry, but I only have enough for the girls I invited" They looked rather disgruntled.
Is this quite the norm when it comes to parties? I thought I was very rude, but is that just me??
I put so much effort into this party as it's the first one since she's been at the school, and felt it was a bit of a flop. My daughter has SEN's and became quite overwhelmed and tearfull. She's never had a party with that many children before. (I know that's my fault for inviting too many)
I think next year we'll just have a little party at home with one friend.

[FryOneFatManic]

Thing is, you can make arrangements with other mothers to avoid the sibling at party scenario. I have in the past had reciprocal arrangements where one mum is looking after the various sibs at home, and the other mum is at the party with the invited children. All DCs happy, and all have learned the important lesson that if you're not invited, you don't go and muscle in.

Now the DCs are much older, arrangements tend to be restricted to sharing transport, as we drop and run

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

This has to be one of the most jaw dropping threads re: entitled children/doting parents I've read doesn't get out much

OP you sound lovely I hope when you look back at the party you'll not regret trying to do something nice for your DD, perhaps next year with a smaller celebration you can relax and enjoy it.

[AnnieLobeseder]

If rude dad had turned up at our party, I would have made it clear to the staff that the extra children were his responsibility and they should chase him for payment.

[GreenShadow]

I am horrified by this!

Maybe things have changed (youngest DS is now 13), but we have never had this with my 3 DC's parties over the years.

Possibly because we never did whole class parties, just a few friends (at most probably 10). I have only ever made enough party bags for the invited children and I'm afraid would not have actively welcomed uninvited siblings.

Likewise, I would never have dreamed of taking a sibling to a party - if I had no babysitter, I would have had to drop the invited child and leave or arrange for him to go with a friend.

[ArbitraryUsername]

To arrange reciprocal childcare, you'd have to actually know the other parents though. This isn't always the case. Although, that said, I'd probably avoid a party for a 3 year old if it meant I had to take a five year old (who would want to join in) along with me.

[Bunbaker]

"I'm expecting 30 children to a party for my youngest next weekend and I'm now wondering how many extra party bags I need to do to be on the safe side!"

None. You make it perfectly clear when parents turn up with siblings that party bags and party food are for invited guests only. When DD had soft play parties it was never an issue as those who brought siblings paid them in and didn't expect party bags or food. They brought the siblings because they had no childcare, which IMO is fair enough.

[CheerfulYank]

Tiggytape my SIL was aghast when I told her DS that he couldn't "help" mine open his presents! He threw a fit but I remained unmoved.

[Kytti]

I'm having a party for ds next week. I'm fine with siblings, if I know about them! Otherwise, I get grumpy. I have four myself and always worry that people will think I expect all four to go to parties. I don't. TBH it's a blessing when the invite is only for 1, as I can drop and run with the others.

I think it's bloody rude. All my dc's know that a party invite doesn't mean an invite for all.

[bonzoed]

Dilemma I think putting one* person's name on the invite is being 'up front'.

[wineandroses]

When we had our first parties for DD, I was astonished at the number of people who turned up with siblings, without any advance notice. And entire families - why didn't one parent just take the siblings off somewhere? We've had great big 8 year-olds at 4 year-old's parties, shouting out how the magician's tricks are done, spoiling it for all the little ones. Parents ignoring everything. We've been to other children's parties to find that some uninvited sibling with the same name as my DD had taken her invitee badge (DD had to make do with a hastily written sticky label) and try to take the party bag too.

Only once did we have someone try to drop off their 5 year-old along with a random 9 year-old and leave them both at DD's party - I chased after her and and handed the older child back!

It used to drive me mad; the rudeness of these people, and I could never understand why entire families would want to attend a small child's party - surely they have other things they could be doing? I know I have.

So I started to organise parties that had strict number restrictions (such as theatre trips, where I would only buy tickets for exact number of invitees and then only for those people who had RSVP'd - don't get me started on the rudeness of the parents who can't be arsed to say if their child is coming or not. I was pretty inflexible and would include a note with invite that siblings, parents, whomever were welcome and could buy their own tickets at the box office, and would not be seated with the invited party). Or we have parties at rented halls, with no number restrictions, which I cater for (loads of sandwiches, fruit, cakes etc) and so I no longer care if siblings and parents come too. I do make up extra party bags (of cheap crap, plus slice of cake - I give the nicer bags to the named invitees and the randoms get the others), which makes me feel magnanimous, and doesn't cost much.

I feel much more relaxed about parties now.

[DIYapprentice]

I think putting one person's name on the invite is being 'up front'.

You may think so, but others don't mind. I've been stuck a few times because DH travels a fair bit so frequently away on weekends, DS2 was only small and in nappies I didn't feel I could ask newish friends to babysit him (new to the area), I had no family nearby. DS1 was a little nervous at large parties, and was of the age where others expected parents to stay. In fact such was the expectation that none of the whole of class invites had sufficient adults to supervise the children if all the children were just dropped off - and the one or two parents who did drop off were complained about by the parents of the birthday child.

Another of my friends runs a shop with her DH and they split the Saturday shift, so one of them is either working. She faced the same problem, a very shy DS1 and a DS2 who wasn't able to be left with others.

So either DS1 missed out on the party, or DS2 had to come along with me. Because I sure as hell wasn't going to pay for a babysitter just so that DS1 could go to a party. So I asked politely - only 1 parent was rude to me about it. She only had 1 DC, a DH who was always around on weekends and couldn't fathom why it would be an issue for others - at a whole of class invite to a village hall party, mind!

I agree that it is inappropriate for older children to be at a younger child's party. But it is only when they are older that alternative arrangements can be made easily.

[DIYapprentice]

Oh and I told that parent that in that case I wasn't sure if DS1 would be able to make the party as DH was on standby for a trip so I would have to say no to DS1 attending the party. She GLARED at me, and said 'well if THAT's the case then I SUPPOSE DS2 can come, but I won't have any food for him or any party bag or anything'.

Pfft to that....

[MTSgroupie]

With my kids we always issued a blanket invite to the whole class. We never had a case where parents self invited siblings. So, your scenario is a bit strange.

[MTSgroupie]

I just read all the posts and I was shocked to see how commonplace this was.

[atthewelles]

Really stunned at some of the behaviour described on here and I have to say, I have never experienced it myself.

God, some parents are incredibly self entitled and rude and are obviously bringing up their children to be equally grabby and unaware of the rights or needs of anyone else. I wonder are they also the parents who just bring their uninvited children along to weddings, adult nights out etc?

[NotADragonOfSoup]

I often had no choice but to bring sibling(s) along but I always bought a packed meal for the sibling and they had to sit out of the way with a DS console or something. I certainly never expected them to get a party bag or participate.

Thankfully, DD is now old enough to be just dropped and DSs both can stay at home alone whilst I do it.

[NotADragonOfSoup]

I've never experienced anything like the behaviour described on this thread. At DDs softplay party this year, a sibling joined in but, as I'd already paid for the invited guests by then, I was fine with it. The venue even provided her with an ice cream and a party bag!

[MsPepperminCreams]

DS's party is in May. I've heard nightmares from friends with older kids about this. I've put on the invite (yes I've designed them already ) "Please RSVP to (mum) by (date) so we can put your child?s name down on the guest list and book the catering." The venue is actually a pre-school during the week, and the staff are very good at being a bouncer, and they ask for a guest list.

It's not going to stop them is is?

[Viviennemary]

I think this is just simply not acceptable. But if the DC's are very young say three or four then I can see why a Mum would have to bring her other children if she wants to stay at the party with her child. And that's fine. But eight is absolutely old enough to be left. I don't think people should put others in a position and ask if another child can come. And to bring other children without asking. I think that's very cheeky.

[battyralphie]

your party sounds lovely, and I dont think that because your dd was tearful and overwhelmed makes it "a bit of a flop" at all. I would say that its pretty normal, so dont feel bad.

[midastouch]

YANBU i havent had a party for my DCs yet (im a bit mean) i dont remember my mum staying with me at parties and my brother didnt come unless he was invited, he did sometimes get a party bag if organised mums had extras! From reading the comments im not looking forward to my DCs parties!!