To expect only the guests I've invited to turn up to my DD's party?

[mummyloveslucy]

It was my daughters 8th birthday recently and I envited all the girls from her class. Most of them replied and one asked if she could bring her sister. I said yes, then kind of wished I hadn't, because I thought now I can't say no to any other siblings and there could be loads.
Anyway, we had all the replies, so I bought the right nomber of party bags, specially made cup-cakes etc and set a pretty table with the right nomber of chairs. Then 3 siblings turn up. There parents hadn't asked me if this was o.k, if they had, I would've set extra places etc. The siblings sat at the table and so there wasn't enough room, which caused 3 tearful girls. I had to squash them in on the corners. Then the uninvited siblings were waiting for party bags. (With their parents!!) The parents even expected that the siblings that hadn't been invited should get a party bag. When I said "I'm really sorry, but I only have enough for the girls I invited" They looked rather disgruntled.
Is this quite the norm when it comes to parties? I thought I was very rude, but is that just me??
I put so much effort into this party as it's the first one since she's been at the school, and felt it was a bit of a flop. My daughter has SEN's and became quite overwhelmed and tearfull. She's never had a party with that many children before. (I know that's my fault for inviting too many)
I think next year we'll just have a little party at home with one friend.

[GregBishopsBottomBitch]

You lot of have put me off childrens parties for life, thank god DD is a August baby.

[Angelico]

Really, genuinely disgusted at how some people behave. Am at some of these stories, especially cheeky fuckers grabbing party bags for uninvited kids they have dragged along.

Who are these people?! Are they Jeremy Kyle types?!

[Angelico]

Mind you my DH is a soft touch so can see future rows where he scuttles off out to get extra stuff so nobody gets left out while I stand with arms folded and catsbum mouth.

Yes, he is nicer than me... :o

[AllDirections]

I have been known to be the party bag police for friends who are not as assertive as I am

If anyone would like to hire me......

[mummyloveslucy]

I would've hired you!! It's too late now, as I won't be doing it again.

[expatinscotland]

YANBU. That is very very rude.

[Sleepybunny]

YANBU!

Lol @ arms folded and cats bum mouth!

[HappyMummyOfOne]

YANBU, its very rude to bring along univited guests.

Thankfully its not happened here but if it was the norm i'd have no problem putting no siblings on the invites.

[bonzoed]

This sounds like DD's last party. It was at a soft play and priced per head. I had had to give numbers beforehand. 2 parents brought siblings, both to give mum a rest. Fair enough.
I expect they winged it past the till. All of the parents stayed and DH paid for their drinks.

Part of the party was in another room for organized games and food. The party organizer suggested that parents stay in the main room but all parents and siblings went through. The table had been laid out with the exact number of chairs, plates, cups. The siblings were found extra chairs and scoffed away at the shared food but one dad of a sibling had quite a go at me for there not being enough cups. Dessert arrived and there wasn't enough to go round because they started off at the sibling end of the table.

So we get to the end. I give out the named bags but put extra cake and sweets in the bags of those with siblings and let those parents know. Everyone says thank you except one. We get to the last child, the sweetest little girl and her bag has gone. She's in tears. Once she's gone I sit down and rewind. I can picture a hand with 2 bags in it, and it's that rude dad. Stealing from a child? What's wrong with people? And he is the husband of a school mum I get on with. I was so sure she'd text me when they got home with a bag with another child's name on it. But no.

This weekend my daughter was invited to a party at a different soft play for the other child who came with a sibling. For the first time ever I had to both take a sibling and stay. I let the mum know in advance. I paid for sibling entry and paid for extra lunch. Meanwhile rude dad breezes in not paying for sibling and gets free lunch. He's obviously rude to everyone.

[KristinaM]

My SIL did this to me at DSs 5th birthday. She phoned in advance and asked if she coudl bring her 3 much older children as well as their 5yo sister, who was invited. Obv I said yes as it's my niece and nephews but I was surprised they woudl want to be at a 5yos party when they were 10-12. We were over the limit for the venue so I had to plead with the manager and pay an extra £21 ( it was 7£ per child )

My SIL and niece arrived one hour late , Minus the 3older children. When I asked where they were she said airily " oh x has got football and y and z are at their friends" . When I reminded her that she said they woudl be coming she said " yes, they changed their minds "!!!

[WorriedTeenMum]

At the only party we ever did our next door neighbour's DC brought an extra guest - a severe D&V bug!

We were about to move abroad and this was DCs' goodbye party. That was really great, thanks!

What parent sends children to a party knowing that they are already ill?

[MidniteScribbler]

Argh what horrible people! This is why I have refused to have any parties at home (or play centres or other venues). I hear too many horror stories from parents at school about what goes on, and as my child will go to the same school I teach at, I refuse to have parents in my home, and don't want to fudge the lines between school and parent by having big group parties. DS can have a couple of friends to go to somewhere (theme park, movies, bowling, whatever) but he'll just have to learn to live with disappointment over not having a massive whole class party. Fortunately he's a December baby, so that means we're almost always overseas for his birthday (summer holidays here in Oz), so will be able to avoid it most of the time.

[Cherriesarelovely]

Crikey!!! YANB at all U!!! I feel really annoyed on your behalf. That is SO rude. I must admit though I feel better knowing that others have had parties as distressing as some of ours have been! I absolutely loath doing big parties for my Dd. We did them from when she was about 3 till she was about 8 and have now (thank god) stopped and she has a couple of friends for a treat plus a sleepover.

I always found the worst aspect of parties in your home was the one or two horribly behaved children. I remember vividly one child swiping everything off our mantlepiece with a sausage shaped balloon! The next year his sister threw a massive tantrum during one game because she didn't win and then chucked the prize she won in the next game across the room in disgust! That was it for us!

[DonderandBlitzen]

I'm expecting 30 children to a party for my youngest next weekend and I'm now wondering how many extra party bags I need to do to be on the safe side! You would think I would know by now as my children are 8 and 5 and I have done 13 parties so far, including 2 whole class parties!

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

At least you know who to avoid inviting next time

[foreverondiet]

I think its odd to stay at an 8 year olds party. By that age I'd expect to drop them off and pick up later. Obviously different at a younger party eg 4 years old where you need to stay and might not have childcare for other kids.

I am putting "Sorry no room for siblings" on DS2's 3rd birthday invites. I know some kids won't be able to come as a result, but there are 15 kids in his nursery class and I only have space for them if no extra siblings.

[stormforce10]

YANBU. Its one thing to ASK in advance so that you can make a decision and plan as appropriate but quite another to bring them along with no warning and expect them to be treated as invited guests.

I've always done extra party bags and food as this nearly always seems to happen. A couple of dd's friend's have single parents and I've always made a point of saying they can bring their other children along if they have no one else to look after them as I remember how it used to upset my mum if one of us was invited to something and she needed to go along for some reason but couldnt bring the others. Very diffiuclt to get right though

[stormforce10]

YANBU. Its one thing to ASK in advance so that you can make a decision and plan as appropriate but quite another to bring them along with no warning and expect them to be treated as invited guests.

I've always done extra party bags and food as this nearly always seems to happen. A couple of dd's friend's have single parents and I've always made a point of saying they can bring their other children along if they have no one else to look after them as I remember how it used to upset my mum if one of us was invited to something and she needed to go along for some reason but couldnt bring the others. Very diffiuclt to get right though

[MidnightMasquerader]

YANBU at all. DS was invited to a party at he weekend, and even though DD (18 months younger) also plays with the children whose party it was, she wasn't invited. So, she didn't come. End of.

Quite a few people there did bring siblings with them, and the Mum had catered for extras, so there was no drama. But I dunno, I honestly think basic social etiquette is a lot art these days. Some people seem so clueless.

[CheerfulYank]

Can't believe the cheek of some people!

[Thumbwitch]

I don't remember my Mum ever taking my brother and sister to any of the parties I was invited to; but then I don't remember her staying at any of them either. Just Wasn't The Done Thing back in the Dark Ages day.

But it's all part and parcel of the "sense of entitlement" thing that some people seem so prey to these days, isn't it? Talking about the ones who don't ASK, just turn up, and worse, take party bags not meant for them! Am utterly disgusted with that Dad from Bonzoed's post and if I knew him, his DC wouldn't be invited again to soft play parties - and I'd block him at the door for any home parties if he turned up with a sibling! Cheeky bastard!

[MerryCouthyMows]

This just doesn't seem to happen where I am - and if it did, I wouldn't allow it! I set a budget that I can afford for the party, and my DC invite as many of their actual FRIENDS as they can within that budget. Therefore I don't HAVE the money for extras!

Though in another area of the town I used to live in, it was shockingly normal, thinking back to DD's 6th birthday and the extra 6 siblings I ended up with - three that I hadn't even known about, and hasn't seen as they came in!

[CheerfulYank]

If I knew Rude Dad I'd phone and say "did you get Janie's party bag as well, by mistake? She was really upset. I'll pop round and get it back so I can bring it to her on Monday."

[LadybirdsAreFab]

I hate it when they bring older siblings and then let them play the games and let them win. The older siblings usually get upset as the prize is 'too easy' for them. Well of course it is, the party is for a 3 year old and her friends and you are 6! Last year I invited 20 children, 16 replied and 23 arrived. Fortunatly I had done 25 party bags. This year we are inviting 25 and expecting 30 but I will only have party bags for the invitees.

[YellowDinosaur]

Fuck this for a laugh it would drive me mad! I was irritated enough at the 1 who didn't reply at all and 2 more who replied saying they were coming and didn't show or get in though (out of 14). Actually we asked if one of the siblings wanted to join in given that there were spaces we'd paid for but this is totally different.

Bringing along uninvited children AND expecting them to have food and party bags is a whole new level of taking the fucking piss.

As for those of you who prepare extra party bags in case of this happening. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. If any extra children came to one of my sons parties they'd be told (politely) that there was only food and party bags for children who had been invited. I've actually got into the habit of writing 'sorry we don't have room for siblings' on invitations as until recently we've had parties at home and there just wouldn't have been space. I think I'll continue this....