To be pissed off with parents who believe all rules should be bent for their little darlings?

[IAmLouisWalsh]

I am a teacher. In the last few weeks I have been told that some children in my school are allergic to their school uniform, suffer with extreme cold and so need to wear coats in class, have to keep jewellery on because it is sentimental, should be allowed to use staffroom facilities to microwave their own lunch....don't even start me on phones.

DH works with much older DCs - adults, essentially - and has put up with a whole range of shite from parents recently too, making excuses for why their (fully grown) offspring should take precedence over the needs of every one else.

Of the last 20 tales we have been told between us, I reckon 1 is true, 1 is half true and the rest are absolute bollocks.

Either front up and be honest about trying to bend the rules, or just fucking accept it.

[GrowSomeCress]

I can't believe parents do that - how embarrassing

[GrowSomeCress]

^ not directed at the thing about bedtimes - I mean phoning up, complaining etc in general

[sherbetpips]

spraklingbrook am glad to say on the last school residential we were not asked about routines. In fact he didn't even use his toothbrush so if they had asked they wouldn't have done it!

[Sparklingbrook]

On DS1's first residential when he was 9 he wanted to take his teddy. I asked the school and they decided to put on the form that teddies were compulsory so DS1 didn't feel silly. There was even a teddy inspection.

[Sparklingbrook]

Oh yes sherbert. One shower in 5 days and one brush of the teeth. Oh and one pair of pants.

[GrowSomeCress]

The compulsory teddies thing is such a good idea!

[Sparklingbrook]

I think that's lovely Maryz.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Our school does the teddy thing as well. Its great for the children that need some kind of home comfort but who wouldnt take it without yhere being a 'rule'. I had to force ds to take his on his Y6 residential. He clearly didn't need it, but it made me feel better to know that teddy was there!

[neverputasockinatoaster]

When DS went on a residential and cuddly toy was included on the packing list!

As a parent I hope I don't pander to my children - DS has an ASD and struggles with crowds etc - every year his teachers have given him a peg at the end of the row without my asking. I expect DS to follow the school rules. If he is struggling to follow the rule for a reason then I will go in and ask for clarifiction.... eg They insisted jumpers must be worn when the children go to church. DS cannot bear his school jumper. I told him he needed to wear it. However i did go and speak to his teacher to ask if he could put it on right at the last minute and take it off as soon as the mass was over. I explained why. His school no longer require any child to wear a jumper to mass although the church is cold and they are advised to...

As a teacher there are requests I will listen to and requests I will not. If a parent asked me if their child could sit on a chair in assembly I would ask why. If the answer was that to sit on the floor would cause them huge amounts of pain then I would have no issue. If the answer was that they didn't like sitting on the floor then then answer would be no.

I had a child in my class with several missing teeth. They could not bite the fruit if it was an apple so I cut it up for them until the teeth grew in. A child with no issues got their mum to ask if I could cut their fruit up too. I said no but added that mum was perfectly welcome to send cut up fruit in a snack box.

One winter I got my class to wear their coats in the classroom as it was bloody cold and the caretaker was feeding me bullshit about not being able to fix the heating. When that didn't work we based our data handling work on the temperature in the room over a day and displayed the graph on the wall........ -I may have also left a copy of an employment handbook open by the graph with the rules about temperature highlighted- They fixed the heating after that!

So, I am prepared to listen to reasonable requests but not to nonsense.

[sausagesandwich34]

I'm a brownie leader, we have rules esp for pack holiday -they don't follow them

no food and drink in their suitcase -we obvioulsy provide food and drinks -drinks are offered 6 times a day and water freely available -one child had bought 6 little boxes of tropical fruit juice because her parents were worried about her not drinking enough -and she was sleeping on the bed next to a child with a severe pineapple allergy!!!

no more than £5 spends -one had brought £30!

no electronic gadgets -complaints at 3 am, they couldn't sleep because someone's ds was beeping

oh and teddies are compulsory and usually included in at least 1 activity

we will also get complaints that toothpaste hasn't been used, pants and socks haven't been changed, hair hasn't been brushed etc

[deleted203]

On 'unreasonable' parents we had a student this week (15 yo) whose mother was picking him up at lunchtime because he had an appointment somewhere in the afternoon. He turned up to sign out with a girl from his class. Uh huh. And where is she going? No, actually, she's not going with you because her parents have not given permission for her to do so and I know nothing about it.

Mother of boy came in and began arguing with me that I was being completely unreasonable in not letting his girlfriend come with them for the afternoon . Mother said, 'But I told him he could bring his gf!'...

Well yeah...possibly you did. And maybe it is ok with you. But I don't have any confirmation from this girls parents that they have requested permission for her to be out of school for the afternoon or given their consent! Mother just could not get her head round the fact that I can't just let pupils swan off with another parent because they feel like it! Gf meanwhile kept reassuring me, 'Yeah - it's ok, Miss. I know my Dad won't mind,' as though that made any difference! 'No, I haven't actually told them, but they won't be worried when I don't come home on the school bus - honestly!'.

(Mother ended up shouting at me that I was a fucking Nazi by the way )

[dayshiftdoris]

neverputasockinatoaster

I wish my son had gone to your child's school reception to yr3...

Instead when I asked if he could have support in organising his things (even offering to do the visual checklist at home but would need adult support initially) I was told he had to learn... We lost £200+ of uniform and coats in less than a year.

And that was POST DIAGNOSIS! You can imagine the hell we went through prior to diagnosis when I had 'no official reason to request support.

This school his teacher has basically become his mother at school and we have survived with only a lost pair of plimsols (and not unconvinced that he hasn't done away with them himself because of his sensory issue with shoes ATM!)

I don't pander and I won't run to doctors for notes but sick of teachers with attitudes of 'parents are all the same'

[ilovesooty]

Mother ended up shouting at me that I was a fucking Nazi by the way

I sincerely hope she's been banned from the school premises.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Yanbu.

But it can often be quite hard to work out and identify the genuine reasons and legit rule changes from the ones that are not needed because sometimes to a person who has little experance or knowledge about perticular issues something genuine may be perceived as a parent being stupid.and as much as its unpleasant to think about its quite possible that a teacher may be so intrenched in there own ways and have such a bad attitude towards certain issues that they automatically treat any request as pandering.

My eldest child when she was under ten was run over as a result of this accident and the surgery that was done to try and repair her legs she was unable to wear shoes,she was able to provide medical evidence of this before she started school and updated this every 6 month th school had a copy and she kept one on her person. Yet she was repeatedly put in isolation given detentions and was suspended on 5 occasions because she was wearing soft boots.

One of my other children who has HF ASD was allowed no sensory accommodations at all despite his OT,ed physiologist and statement stating what accommodations were needed and every time I raised it I was treated like I was pandering. I was even told by the teacher with responsibility for sn inclusion that dc did not have ASD and surly I must be able to see that after all,all my other kids with ASD (LF) looked disabled where as this dc didnt.

Needless to say dc was moved to a different school.

I think it can be very hard to understand your own limitations and viewpoints and reconise when your being a twat and often when you do have it dawn on you that you are wrong it can be really hard to back down especially when your in a position of authority.

[MidniteScribbler]

Sockreturningpixie, it can depend a lot on how parents approach the school and how they provide solutions to make it work for everyone. For example, in your daughters situation, with medical evidence she would (at my school anyway) be permitted to wear alternative footwear, but you would be expected to provide shoes that are similiar in appearance (colour) to the school shoes. She wouldn't be permitted to wear hot pink or other colours. There would also be a request for you to source appropriate sports footwear (if she participated in sports) so that she have safe shoes to play in. As for your son, well that teacher is just a twat, can't say much else than that.

It's all about trying to make accommodations work. Like in my previous examples - no I will not allow your child to bring a knife to school so they can cut their apple, and I won't be doing it for them just because they like their fruit done just before they eat it. I will however, permit the child that really hates fruit to eat vegetables instead as long as they are sent cut and ready to eat. I will not permit the parent who says that their child doesn't like fruit to eat crisps or a chocolate bar. Completely different situations.

[IAmLouisWalsh]

larks I wish I was making it up.

I am not talking about dealing with SN - I teach a child with multiple allergies and we have bent over backwards to accommodate. Ditto ASD.

I am talking about the crushing sense of entitlement, and I raise you 'She needs today off for a spray tan because you make her clean off fake tan. It needs three days to deepen and she is going to a party on Saturday'. She is 11!

Or the parent of a 21 year old who insisted his son was 'too scared' to discuss an issue with university admin staff. Who he had previously told to fuck off. Because he was intimidated...

[CadleCrap]

I once organised an outdoor (secondary) school activity. The parents were informed by letter (including permission slip)and in the newsletter that the activity would take place regardless of weather so please ensure your child is dressed suitably ie suncreen hat, if sunny, wet weather gear if raining etc. The kids (secondary btw) were repeatedly told that the activity would not be cancelled due to weather. The day before i told them all the forecast was for rain so dress appropriately.

it rained.

Parents phoned in to complain their kids got wet. Some hadn't been wearing coats despite the fact it had been raining since 5am

The receptionist who had to field the calls was brilliant - she pointed out that the school ethos was to develop resilience!


SirBoob I can't believe noone picked up on your post. That is awful. Just

[doublecakeplease]

There is a massive difference between SEN and pandering parents.the op was lighthearted and a tad tongue in cheek but as usual people have derailed.

[DowntonTrout]

Erm. My DD is not allergic to uniform. She wears it everyday. But she has had a severe allergic reaction to an item of clothing straight out of plastic packaging. We think it's the chemicals sprayed on clothes either as finishing or to prevent them going moldy in transit. We have to wash everything thoroughly before wearing, then it's fine.

Anyhow, school were informed and lo and behold a few days later they gave her a netball skirt to try on which had just arrived for the team and was straight out of the box. DD put it on over her clothes as she knew to be careful. but she, and school had not thought about her touching it with her hands, which then touched her face, Or maybe even just breathing in the chemicals as the stuff was unwrapped, we don't know, etc. cue wheezing, swelling, blotches.

All was fine, she had her medication and it didn't develop to severe. But it scared them and DD enough to realise they and she had to be very careful in future. Now I think they thought I was mad at first, allergic to new clothes, yeah right. Not any more. I hold DDs kit for every sport, everyone else has to hand jerseys, tabards etc back after the match. She is not allowed to borrow or swap items of clothes with other people, and if she forgets anything, its tough.

I would like to think schools could tell the difference between those trying it on and making excuses and those with genuine concerns. But look at it from my point of view. Every time we are asked, do you have any allergies on forms etc, we have to put new clothes, straight from packaging. If I put formaldehyde, which is what we think it is, no one realises that that is sprayed on clothes. I always feel a bit embarrassed, people raise their eyebrows, even when I explain. This happened at the hospital yesterday, even they looked at me like I was mad ( and she was hospitalised the first time it happened and it isin her notes!)