to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

[HappyMummyOfOne]

YABU, just because you gave up juggling both doesnt mean other mothers should. The majority work and parent very succesfully.

Work isnt always just about money. Its about company, using you mind, having a life outside children rather than being a bore that can only talk about one thing. Its also a huge responsibility to make the other adult the only earner and getting back into work when the children go to school and dont need you will be hard.

I work for many of the above reasons plus I dont want DS to grow up believing he needs to work a job for many hours as by virtue of his sex he is expected to work so that his wife doesnt have to as she fancies reading or baking instead.

[butterflyroom]

nevergoogle

[sleepyhead]

Op, you should have concentrated your efforts on achieving a £100,000 per year career, and then your dh could have stayed at home to make pizza dough and lemon drizzle cake and listen to your moaning friends.

Sorted.

[perplexedpirate]

Maybe they are moaning to make you feel better about being stuck at home with nothing more interesting to think about than lemon drizzle cake?

[nkf]

The OP produced the cliches. I would never have dared to mention pizza dough or lemon drizzle cake if she hadn't. It would have seemed patronising and not at all what I think women who don't work do. But it seems it can be.

[idshagphilspencer]

Op maybe you were shit at being a whom? Just like I was shit at being a sahm.

[WorriedMummy73]

I'm a SAHM and I hate it. My kids are all in school all day now and I've been out of the workplace for 8 years (made redundant. At the time I couldn't find anything else to fit in with the hours I'd been working and that paid the same wage so I decided to take time out. Fast forward to now and I've done an Access course, been accepted to Uni (to do Teaching) and had to quit after half a term due to being not meeting criteria for childcare costs, but unable to afford it ourselves. That was five years ago. After that, had dc 3 and been fighting pnd ever since. So, present day, have almost 7 hours each day to myself with very little to do. Am not into baking (actually loathe cooking), not into gardening, crafts, home decorating, or anything else supposedly 'motherly'. Miss work like crazy and am thoroughly sick of dp (and all his friends from what he's telling me) feeling that my 'job' now is cooking, cleaning, being a Mum and 'taking care of dp' (his words). I miss my 2.5 days at work, but can't find anything that would fit in with school hours and not leave me out of pocket in after-school (and breakfast club) fees each month. So, yeah, op, you're lucky that your life is as you want it, but please don't think we all have it/want it like you.

[Salbertina]

Has it come down to whoms v shams?! just trying to lighten things up a little...

[VinegarDrinker]

FirstTime, what, you're doubting your choices because a few random people you've never met have made boring cliched judgements about women who don't work? I think you should work on your self esteem tbh.

[Salbertina]

I like dumb fuck baking! Does that make me a dumb fuck?

[nevergoogle]

you read the recipe and you do as it says. big fucking woop.

[Salbertina]

Worried- have u thought of contacting your local cvs for voluntary work? Quite a few options and expenses generally paid

[RubyrooUK]

You shouldn't feel guilty FirstTime if that's what you want to do and you can afford it. If that isn't the case and it is best for you/your family to return to work, don't feel bad about that either.

My real life friends are a mix of FT working, PT working and SAH parents. Actually I couldn't remember immediately who is doing what without thinking about it, as I like them as people so other stuff stands out - personality, humour etc.

At different times, they have chosen different routes. I work full time because I enjoy my career, need the money and it works overall for our family. Perhaps I will do differently in future.

SAHM and WOHM are not different species, judging by my friends anyway, so it all seems a bit of a pointless debate to me.

[Salbertina]

Actually am perfectly capable of dumb fuck burnt baked goods despite following recipe..

[WorriedMummy73]

Salbertina - what's cvs? Haven't heard of that. I did do some online IT tutoring, which I absolutely loved, but it averaged out at around £40 a month(!) for all the hours God sends. They've recently emailed me to see if I'd like to come back on board (I stopped because our internet was always down) and I'm umming and ahhing, but the money is really, really bad...

[HannahsSister40]

Oh lovely. Another thread where the wohm's all round on the sahm and can't see the irony in doing that!! Lol!
And as for the person upthread who said that wohm's never start this sort of discussion off. Oh yes they do! All the bloody time!
I wondered how long it would take someone to say that sahm's are 'swanning around' how they were 'bored shitless' and 'brain dead' and that you're unemployable if you've had a period of sahm'ing. Didn't take long.

[nevergoogle]

well it sounds like you need more practise.

i have an overwhelming urge for lemon drizzle cake now.

[mrsbunnylove]

you sound ok, stripeybear, glad to be at home and all that. very reasonable if you can afford it, and you're right, taking childcare and takeaways into account the mothers who work might not be gaining much. what you gain from being with your children is beyond price.

working mums are, however, maintaining an employment record. which you aren't. and which might leave you looking a mite foolish in ten years' time when you want to work again - or when your oh finds someone else and leaves you in the lurch, which we hope will never happen.

studying/training/taking extra qualifications will help. volunteering also. you need to have a record without gaps, you need to be doing something to improve your position, to update your skills etc, all the time. ready for when the world of work looks amazingly attractive, or when its the only option.

[LineRunner]

What is a lemon drizzle cake?

[Salbertina]

Community volunteers service (possibly different name regionally):

www.csv.org.uk/?display=volunteering