To think you should give a friend a lift home if it's raining?

[eggsy11]

This may be more a chat thing, but think I need the harshness of AIBU to see if I do have the right to be mad at my friend!


Have done A LOT of favours for this friend, but won't include that in the argument since I didn't do them to be paid back... but it is what is annoying me about the situation.

Another mum at DS's nursery saw me and DS huddling under the doorway until the hail past. Said hello, grabbed her DS and drove home. DS was screaming because he was scared. He was under his raincover in the pram, and it was a 15 minute walk so it was only me that got wet. But it was still horrible and I was literally soaked to the skin.

I know the mum would of had to drop us home (5 min drive) and come back for her DS, as there was only 1 car seat. But there is no way i'd walk past my friend like that! She is always early to pick up her DS so it wouldn't of been an issue since it's daycare, not like at school.

Am I being unfair? Is it our fault we don't have a car? I just think it would of been nice!

(btw she wasn't in a rush. pictures on facebook of them cuddled up watching cbeebies etc when they got home!)

[Nicknamegrief]

In my experience people who are good at asking others to help them out are generally good at giving help if it's asked for, she may have presumed you were fine and just not thought to offer, if you had asked (given the circumstances you had mentioned) and declined for no good reason then I would understand why you are upset but you didn't.

[CloudsAndTrees]

But you didn't ask! You are expecting her to offer!

Don't you see the difference there? If you had asked, she may well have said yes. And if you had asked and she's said no, then in the circumstances you describe, it would have been a bit mean of her to say no if she didn't have a valid reason.

The problem is that you are thinking it should have occurred to her to offer. To those of us that are used to having a car, it just doesn't occur to you sometimes. That's not bitchy, it's just normal!

[Fakebook]

She ASKED you for the favours. You could have asked her for a lift?

Tbh, I would have stopped doing her favours after the third time if it was bothering you so much.

[TooMuchRain]

But why didn't you go back in to the nursery?

[CloudsAndTrees]

That's a good point Exit.

Maybe she didn't have space in the car for your buggy. Maybe she didn't want your wet, possibly dirty buggy in her car, or on top of anything else she may have had in her boot.

I have all sorts of crap in the boot of my car.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

but you said in your original thread that you wont mention the favours as you dont want pay back.

You obviously do though!

[eggsy11]

Doing her favours has never bothered me. Especially since they were usually for her DS (ie going at lunchtime to give him his forgotten teddy, since my office is round the corner and it's easier for her to drop it at my reception than go to him iyswim).

I'm just genuinely really upset that she didn't think of us! I would never dream of asking! I think it's cheeky, and would of been fine 99% of the time. Just when you see a child upset I thin, it was incrediblly mean of her!

[diddl]

Oh-so you expected her to take you home & then come back for her son??!!

I doubt that that would even occur to her!

So-if you don´t want to do anything for her in future-don´t!

I didn´t realise we did things in the expectation of something back.

[MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel]

YABU, I don't drive either and I would never expect a lift from anyone, especially if it involved collapsing a buggy, putting a child in a car seat, 5 minute drive there, take everything out of the car and 5 minute drive back.

A 15 minute walk isn't that bad, but you would have been much colder because you were standing waiting for it to pass, next time just stick your hood up and brave it.

[Eebahgum]

If you want to post questions in AIBU you need to be prepared for the fact that people sometimes say yes you are. You got cold & wet & pissed off - understandable. But you could've waited inside until the hail passed, or asked her for a lift. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for our own actions. If it makes you feel better, next time she asks for help refuse - but this isn't what she did. She probably has no idea she even upset you. X

[Panzee]

Maybe the batteries in her crystal ball were flat.

[diddl]

But how was she to know why your child was upset?

And if you had told her-surely as far as she was concerned, she still couldn´t fit you all in the car!

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

How on earth did she know just from driving past that your DS was upset because of the rain?? He could have been crying for all manner of reasons, that is what young kids do.

You are way over thinking this.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Why wouldn't you ask?

You are setting yourself up for a lot of distress if you are going to get upset that other people don't think of you when they have their own lives going on.

[eggsy11]

Because she walked past us when DS was crying! You have to get our of your car to get your DC's. It's not a drive-thru scenario unfortunatley.

DOES NO ONE READ POSTS ANYMORE.

[Floggingmolly]

But when your child was upset, you could have simply taken him back inside? She wasn't responsible for rescuing the situation, you were the one who pushed him home through a rain storm unnecessarily.

[funnypeculiar]

Honestly - I suspect it didn't even occur to your friend. As you say, you were bent over dealing with a distressed ds (she didn't know why...) and she was rushing in the rain to pick up her ds. People with cars don't really think about the discomfort of walking home in the rain (& that's what it is, discomfort)

She asks when she wants a favour - you then have the choice to say yes or no. If you want a favour, ask & then she'll have the same choice. If she never says yes and continues asking THEN you might want to rethink the relationship. Currently, you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

"I would never leave one of my friends with her child walking home in the rain!"

Um, but you would, because you don't have a car (nor do I). YABU. And ridiculous.

[CloudsAndTrees]

She wasn't to know that your ds was upset because of the rain though.

I still don't understand why you couldn't have just gone back inside, especially if the nursery was still going to be open for another two hours.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Stop shouting!!!!!!!

So when she walked past you did you tell her he was crying because of the rain?

Seriously, you are coming across as rude on here, if you are as rude and volatile in RL then I am amazed you have any friends at all!

[AWimbaWay]

I do the school run every day with my youngest in a pushchair. I'd say 50% of the time it's raining/snowing/hailing/windy etc. I would think about 10 parents whom I consider good friends probably drive past me most days. It would NEVER occur to me that they should offer us a lift. I chose to walk, they chose to drive, in fact I'd wonder what they were doing if they did pull over.

[expatinscotland]

Still shouting. Nice.

She didn't offer. You didn't ask. YABU.

[funnypeculiar]

So as she went past, you told her your ds was upset because of the rain?

[Feminine]

I have given you support here op seems you don't read properly either

[WorriedMummy73]

As a bus user, with 3 dc, who has been offered many lifts (and taken them) by friends, family, etc, but also not been offered lifts, I can kind of see op's point. It is hard, especially at this time of year, and it's so easy to get wound up when you're standing around in the cold/rain/snow, etc. Recently, I had to collect my three when it was literally a blizzard outside and we had to stand at the bus stop for 50 mins! I did get resentful at the other Mum's driving past us (some in people carriers, with only Mum and 1 dc in) and thought 'really? I have three freezing kids, all in tears, and no one can give us a lift?'.

BUT.

I need to learn to drive. This is my next project. We have a car that dp uses for work, but he'll get a little van. I'm looking into fast-pass courses. It's MY problem that I don't drive, no one elses. No one is obliged to give me a lift - I don't know where they're going, their petrol levels, etc. So, I think the issue here, op, is that you asked 'SHOULD' she have given me a lift?'. No, she shouldn't. She's another Mum, with her own child and issues. Would it have been nice? Definitely. But it didn't happen. Hey ho, move on.