to have insisted that DH took the kids on the bus rather than accepted a lift without proper carseats?

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

It's an icy evening, and only the main roads around us are gritted. There has already been one car accident in our street today. DH took the kids (DS 18mo and DD 3.4) out on the bus for the afternoon and has just rung to tell me that one of his friends has offered the three of them a lift home. His friend has a car seat for DS but not DD. I said that I really wasn't comfortable with DD not having a car seat and have asked DH to take the bus. DH says the kids are cold and hungry and that the bus will take over an hour - but has grudgingly agreed to take the bus. I don't know whether he's genuinely intending to (TBH I wouldn't put it past him to get his friend to drive him to the bus stop) but either way he will return him very angry.. he's insisting IABU because he has been looking after the kids alone for a fortnight whilst I've been off work with anxiety.

I'm not starting to doubt myself - am I overreacting to this? AIBU to have insisted they take the bus?

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 20-Jan-13 18:22:09
I'd have taken the lift.
One kid in car seat, one on his knee with seatbelt on.

Jesus christ. That would be an utterly fucking stupid thing to do. You never 'double' in a seat belt, it's almost certain death for a small child in even a minor bump.

[NorthernLurker]

Well done OP. Hope you and dh can sort things out.

[NorthernLurker]

And folks - good point about the dangers of beliting an adult and child together (DON'T ever do that) but lets remember that the OP has anxiety atm and we maybe don't need to get in to many specifics about what could happen in each form of transport and at each speed of impact etc....

[cory]

I'd insist on the bus. Far, far less likely that an accident will have fatal results on a bus passenger. I was in a bus that was driven into by a car some time ago: I was close to the end that got hit and barely noticed the bump; the car got its front end totally demolished. There is a reason why seat belts are mandatory in cars and not on public transport.

[JustFabulous]

No, you haven't fucked up. You are worrying about your children and thought you had picked the genuine option. I don't buy this one off journey without a seat being okay. Is there some special powers that mean an accident won't happen because it is the first one off journey you have taken.

Child on your knee with both strapped in is ridiculous. I would argue the child on her own with a seatbelt is preferable and safer.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

Chipping I love you dearly but I wish you'd waited until the DCs got home safely before posting that.

[MrsKeithRichards]

Agree, no knee sitting, own seatbelt.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

You aren't batty, you have anxiety - it's not the same thing. Text him to say you are sorry, you didn't think the 'seatbelt' thing through and to let you know if he's in the car, which you are OK about or if he would like you to meet him at the bus stop. There's no point in you going out to the bus stop if he's in the car.

Looking after them because of your anxiety does not make him a saint nor give him the right to be angry He is their father and is just doing what needs doing.

And if you are the Breastmilk I think you are, he's a fucking lucky man and should think himself so! Kick him in the dangly bits from me if he makes any kind of fuss.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

DH has just rung to say he's on the second bus - which is the one purely along main gritted roads. I'll go out to the bus stop and meet them with a flask of hot chocolate.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

Sorry love :( I just wanted to stop anyone else thinking that was a good idea xx I'm sure your DH is not that fucking stupid.

[Icelollycraving]

Don't think having an angry dh will do your anxiety much good. Hope you don't have a row

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

That sounds like a good idea :) Wrap up warm incase you have to wait a while!

[phantomnamechanger]

just another voice saying please everyone, NEVER carry a child on your lap with the adult belt round you both, this is so dangerous!! Am horrified more people do not know this. Child can be crushed to death by parent even in a low impact collision.

and yes, buses are safer - bigger than most things they are likely to be in collison with, more stable, and slower

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

Chipping honestly don't worry about it. I will tell DH that for when if the question ever arises again - I certainly didn't know it.

(And yes it's me. I just didn't get round to NCing back)

[HeadfirstForHalos]

"One kid in car seat, one on his knee with seatbelt on"

That's really dangerous. In a bump/crash the child will be crushed between the seatbelt and the adult.

Also a bus is bigger, heavier, and higher than most other vehicle, travel at lower speeds and suffer far less impact in a crash. That's why buses don't have to have seatbelts in the first place. Coaches that travel at higher speeds on bigger roads/motorways do.

[LadyIsabellaWrotham]

To be fair to you, a bus that crashes will normally come to a stop much slower than a car because it's so much heavier (especially if it is crashing into a car), so the passengers are intrinsically safer, and arguably still a bit safer than an improperly restrained child in a car. So you had a point. But in that situation I'd have taken the lift.

[kerala]

Poor guy schlepping on buses for hours with tired kids when he could have had a lift. I would be pretty irked if I were him (actually think I would have ignored you and taken lift). Put elder child on bulky coats then seatbelt as normal.

[McNewPants2013]

So those that had said you would have taking the lift, is there any other laws you would break

[3littlerabbits]

Bus way safer, id have saidexactly the same as you. In fact dh wouldnt have considered the lift. Theyre going to love to see you with the hot choc - lovely mummy x

[NorthernLurker]

Hot chocolate sounds like a good plan Shove the kids pjs on the radiator before you go out too. Glad he rang back.

[LadyIsabellaWrotham]

X-post with lots of other people reassuring you that you weren't an idiot.

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

Just making hot chocolate and getting wellies on.

[LadyMargolotta]

I wouldn't feel too sorry for him if he has taken the bus. It was his decision to stay out so late, and let the children get hungry and cold. He could have prevented that with better organisation. It's not like he had to get out to school/work etc.