to leave (just) 9 year old home alone after school

[redskyatnight]

Really in 2 minds about this so seeking some clarity ?

DH normally looks after DS after school, however he has a business trip coming up and will be away for 2-3 weeks.

All the childminders/after school clubs that might take DS are full or wouldn?t consider it for a short period.

We can call in various favours from friends but realistically wouldn?t have enough to cover the whole period (friends have other commitments after school and we wouldn?t ask any 1 friend to have him for more than 1 or 2 afternoons anyway in the interests of not imposing).

DS is brought home every day by a neighbour (who is one of the people we could ask to look after him for the odd time or 2).
I can jig my work hours so that I will be home at most an hour after him.
DS has just turned 9.

Both DH and I have memories of letting ourselves in after school and being alone for a similar period at a similar age. So DH has suggested that we give DS a key and ask the neighbour to make sure that he does get in ok (and put her and a couple of other neighbours on standby in case of emergencies). DS would most likely watch TV or play on the Wii for the whole time.

Are we (or would we) BU?

(and for those who mumble about we should have a proper back up plan I should point out it is highly unusual for DH to be away for so long at a time- he normally only goes away for 2 or 3 days which we can cope with).

[Cherriesarelovely]

Lily I completely agree with you. I was walking 2.5 miles to school a day when I was 7. Admittedly I did so with a friend but later I would go and do grocery shopping for my mum. The posts about feeling as if no one cares strike me as very overdramatic given the situation the OP is talking about.

[Lulabellarama]

This thread is hilarious. Honestly, some of you...

[lljkk]

And it's only for 3 weeks, it's not ideal but it's not the end of the world.
By the time they were 10yo DC loved the idea of house to themselves.

[lljkk]

I love reading the Cat in the Hat. A bit of 1960s reality check. How old do those children look? 8 & 6yo maybe? And look! Anything could happen, after all, when your mother is out for the day, a strange cat could come to the door after all:

Or the trouble they got up to,
the mess that they made
Oh their mother, what would she say?!

[PrettyPirate]

I don't really know anyone back home who could afford any after school care
State nurseries are up to age 6, full time and very cheap, so not a problem for 2 working parents to send child there. As soon as they start school it's a different story - you have to pay for after school activities and even then they are about 1hr, not really helping re childcare.
So children are raised already quite independent - it's normal for 5 year old get his/her own breakfast in the morning without waking the parents, going to the corner shop to pick up bread/milk, playing outside, that sort of thing.

Supervised independence should start early I think. We all worry about our kids but if we teach them early on what to do and how to behave in certain situations, then leaving a 9 year old home alone for an hour might not be big deal after all

[Cherriesarelovely]

I think you have to talk to them about those possibilities though ie, do not answer the door, do not use the kettle (or whatever). These are the numbers of people you can call if you are worried. I started leaving Dd for about 10 mins when she was about 8 .5 so I do agree that I wouldn't just go from nothing to an hour but I think given proper guidance, practise and a means to contact someone close by if there is a problem it is completely ok. We're all different though.

[whois]

I think the level of over protectiveness is high ok this thread. Depends on the child, but if you think he is sensible and will lik being left then go for it.

I would be concerned if a nine year old couldn't work the phone to can a neighbour/mum.

I don't think talking the idea through, having a 'dry run' where OH hides in a cafe round the corner or something before he goes away and then doing this would be bad. I actually think it would be good. I LOVED having the house to myself for an hour or two at that age; I could eat two kittcats if there were quite a lot on the cupboard rather than one as my after school snack.

[overmydeadbody]

Some comments on this thread make me think some parents are not teaching their children how to react to unexpected situations or events, or what to do if they are alone.


If a child has had plenty of practice, has been through drills with the parents, has run through scenarios with parents and discussed what to do, then they won't be phased by things like the telephone ringing or the doorbell going, they will know what to have if they are hungry, they will know how to use the phone and have numberes memorised to call if they need to (my DS knew my mobile number off by heart from the age of 4, and has used it too, when he got lost in town aged 8 he found two policemen and told them my number and they called me)


Children are far more capable than a lot of parents give them credit for.


As for not feeling cared for, what a load of complete rubbish. As if.

[overmydeadbody]

LeQueen it is up to you to teach your child what to do if the line is busy, or the power goes off, or the alarm goes off. A child of 9 or up can reasonably be tought to react the right way to these situations. I get my DS to make phone calls for me when I'm there, so using thew phone is a routine thing for him. He knows where the torches are kept if there was a power cut, he knows that if the fire alarm goes off and he's alone in the house to leave the building, just like he is taught to do at school.

Most situations that a child has a vague chance of encountering you can actually prepare them for. And if they are prepared they are less likely to panic.

[overmydeadbody]

Children can be slowly and carefully trained over a number of years to get to the point where they are quite safe left alone for an hour or two.

[usualsuspect]

Hang on a minute,I wouldn't do this and I managed to bring up 3 Children to be independent adults.So stop with the wrapping them up in cotton wool and they need to learn how to be independent comments.

[piprabbit]

It's the little, daft, unexpected things that can trip a child up and leave them feeling really upset. For example, the cold weather has made our lock a bit stiffer to turn, which means that DD no longer has the physical strength to open the door. Cold fingers can also make turning keys in locks trickier. It really isn't a problem, but ti would be enough to knock DD's confidence and leave her worrying that she would be locked out again the next time.

So things like house alarms, or a thunderstorm, or a short power could all have a big impact - that's why it needs to be worked on gradually to build confidence until the child feels able to cope with the unexpected.

[Startail]

DD1 I might have done, DD2 was a bit less confident. She was liable to panic if things didn't go exactly to plan.

[tulip27]

Just throwing this in - what happens if your in an accident and can't get home or god forbid too injured to tell anyone you have a child alone at home ?

I'm not over reacting , when I worked in a&e we did see this kind of thing . Also when it was discovered you had left a 9 yr old alone at home it WOULD be questioned as a child protection issue. I'm not saying this is right but unfortunately this is what would happen.

[HazleNutt]

If a parent does not come home, I would guess a 9-year old who can use the phone would call dad, grandparents or friends or go to some neighbour's place? As OP says, neighbours would be informed that DS is alone and her DS then probably also instructed to go ring their doorbells in an emergency.

[overmydeadbody]

tulip in my case, if I don't come home DP also comes home, around 5pm, and DS knows his number and would call him if he couldn't reach me if I didn't get home when expected.

And plenty of other people know DS is alone in the house, in the unlikely event that both myself and his dad get into accidents on the same day and don't come home, our phones both have ICE numbers on them, the people who would answer those ICE calls from emergency services know DS is home alone and would come to his rescue (and yes, they live locally and have spare keys)

It's up to each parent, if you don't want to leave your kid then it's fine not to train them for unlikely events, but for those of us who do, we're not doing anything wrong, we have assessed the risks, trained our children and know our children could handle most unexpected events, and made the decision to let them be at home alone sometimes for short periods.

I guess I'm not in the majority when I think DS can handle a few low level knocks and difficult situations, and personally I tihnk it will make him stronger and more confident.

I also let him cycle, knowing all the risks involved.

[Rainbowinthesky]

Not read thread, sorry but I wouldn't do it and dd is 9 and sensible. That said, I was coming home to empty house at this age and it was all fine (except when my brother set fire to the back sheds - he wasn't sensible though).

[zoeymlucas]

Well it's actually against the law for him o be in the house alone so I think that answers the question- it shouldn't happen

[mellen]

There is no specific age defined in law for this.

[zoeymlucas]

Well my mum is a social worker and they deem the age as 12 before that they social services would get involved if they found out- my son is 10 and I think it disgusting you even feel the need to ask they are still children and should never be left home alone at this age