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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave (just) 9 year old home alone after school

186 replies

redskyatnight · 17/01/2013 12:31

Really in 2 minds about this so seeking some clarity ?

DH normally looks after DS after school, however he has a business trip coming up and will be away for 2-3 weeks.

All the childminders/after school clubs that might take DS are full or wouldn?t consider it for a short period.

We can call in various favours from friends but realistically wouldn?t have enough to cover the whole period (friends have other commitments after school and we wouldn?t ask any 1 friend to have him for more than 1 or 2 afternoons anyway in the interests of not imposing).

DS is brought home every day by a neighbour (who is one of the people we could ask to look after him for the odd time or 2).
I can jig my work hours so that I will be home at most an hour after him.
DS has just turned 9.

Both DH and I have memories of letting ourselves in after school and being alone for a similar period at a similar age. So DH has suggested that we give DS a key and ask the neighbour to make sure that he does get in ok (and put her and a couple of other neighbours on standby in case of emergencies). DS would most likely watch TV or play on the Wii for the whole time.

Are we (or would we) BU?

(and for those who mumble about we should have a proper back up plan I should point out it is highly unusual for DH to be away for so long at a time- he normally only goes away for 2 or 3 days which we can cope with).

OP posts:

bollywoodfan · 17/01/2013 22:03

Isn't it illegal to pay someone who isn't a registered childminder? I thought you couldn't even pay GPs for regular childcare.

littleducks · 17/01/2013 22:06

I used to love time at home alone at that age, I would hate to not have any space.

My mum worked 10 minutes walk away to, she used to phone me (pre caller id days) and let it ring twice then hang up and call again to signal it was her, otherwise i didnt answer the phone. I was never allowed to open the door.

tittytittyhanghang · 17/01/2013 22:38

What if he fancies something to eat and gets toast stuck in the toaster? Would he try and get it out with a knife or his finger! What if he drops a glass or bottle and it breaks? What if there's a power cut?

If I thought like this Id wrap all my children up in bubble wrap and never leave their sides. When my 9 year old (now 12) went/goes out to play (himself or with his friends) I certainly dont think i cant let him out, what if he decides to run across the road without looking , what if a knife weilding maniac is in the vicinity, etc etc. It all depends on the child but surely by the age of 9 children know not to stick knives into toasters or be careful enough not to smash glass or can clean up it up with a brush and shovel if needs be?

Crikeyblimey · 17/01/2013 23:04

Since I went back to full time work after Christmas (instead of finishing each day at 3pm), ds who is 10 on Saturday, has been given a key (fastened inside his school bag on a lift pass thing so he doesn't have to "release" it). 2 nights a week he comes home on the school bus, crosses the road (20 mph limit village road) walks home and let's himself in. Dh finishes work early on these nights so ds is only home alone for 30 - 45 mins. We gave him a mobile phone amd he sends us both a text when he is home. I leave a snack and glass out for him along with the rules list. He locks himself in and unlocks the back door in case he needs to get out. He isn't allowed to make a hot drink or any other food. He texted me the other evening to ask if he could make a sandwich :). He loves it. He is a very sensible boy and really enjoys the independence.

I would think a couple of hours maybe too much as it can seem very lonely to be by yourself for that long when you're not used to it.

I'm sure if you feel your ds is sensible enough and would freak then go for it but could you perhaps arrange to finish work early so he isn't alone as long?

Crikeyblimey · 17/01/2013 23:05

Wouldn't freak - not would.

Crikeyblimey · 17/01/2013 23:09

Sorry - just read that he would only be alone for up to 1 hour.

I'd have a few practice runs with him being alone for 10 mins or so, just to hone your plan before you actually need it. I'm sure it will be just fine. He will be very proud of his independence.

And whoever up there said you'd have school welfare and SS on your back for this - I have their grip here.

larks35 · 17/01/2013 23:15

I think this would be ok. Me and sis were the first to get home from school when my mum took full-time hours. I was about 8 and sis about 10. We regularly lost our keys even when we had them on a piece of string around our necks. Our neighbour was great at helping up break in (dodgy bathroom window above a flat roof at the back). The main rules we had were to do our homework and not touch the TV! Well, I can't say we always stuck to that rule but we never came to harm.

Moominsarescary · 17/01/2013 23:17

Mine would be fine on his own for an hour

If the toast got stuck he'd turn the toaster off
If he dropped a glass he'd clean it up with a dustpan and brush
If we had a power cut he'd read a book

So I'd say it depends on the child.

Bakingnovice · 17/01/2013 23:20

To be honest I couldn't do it. Especially in winter when it's dark at 4pm. He wouldn't feel happy and I wouldn't want him to even though I used to let myself in and get tea started at 9. I think for my ds it would be stressful as he is quite a serious child and wouldn't be ready for it. As a latchkey kid myself I know how lonely and sometimes scared I used to feel letting myself into an empty house. But I am impressed but that so many of you have such independent kids.

foreverondiet · 17/01/2013 23:25

I leave for 20 mins eg taking other kids to v local activities would not leave longer.

Yfronts · 18/01/2013 01:13

I wouldn't. What about using an older sibling (14 yrs +) of someone at your school?

Yfronts · 18/01/2013 01:16

Or pay a neighbor/friend

LilyBolero · 18/01/2013 01:21

Those who say they wouldn't; at age 11 my D's has to get himself to the other side of the city on a public bus, including a 3/4 mile walk through the city centre, every day, on his own, for school. In preparation for that I think 9yo is perfectly ok to be on your own for an hour at home!

madwomanintheattic · 18/01/2013 01:29

My 9yo is home on her own for 20-30 minutes every day after school, until her sister (12) and brother(11) get home. I get home an hour after that.

She has cerebral palsy as well. Bite me.

An earlier poster mentioned the babysitting situation in Canada - my 12 yo has taken her red cross babysitting course, and has also taken the Red Cross emergency first aid course.

The 9yo isn't allowed to eat when she is home alone (in actual fact I don't like her eating when there are no adults present) as her disability means I am uncomfortable about the choking risk. If anything has happened at school, or she needs me to be home early, I come back and make up the time the next day. I work 30 mins away.

I wasn't intending for her to start fending for herself at 9, but the elementary school finishes earlier than the rest of the schools here, and no adult wants to work for thirty minutes a day.

I also leave fifteen minutes before she does in the morning.

She is jolly sensible though. I would never in a million years have left ds1 on his tod at 9. Never.

piprabbit · 18/01/2013 01:34

Is there anyway you could negotiate with your work to leave slightly early on the days you don't have cover for your DS. Maybe only take a half hour for lunch, leave half an hour earlier and then your DS is only on his own for half an hour. Or do some extra hours once DH is back?

piprabbit · 18/01/2013 01:36

And may be do some practice sessions before your DHs trip to build your DS's confidence, just the odd day when your DH sits round the corner for 20 mins gets home a little later than usual and your DS can practice going into the house alone.

florry88 · 18/01/2013 11:10

I must say UIm really shocked at home many parents do this.

My thoughts are that every 9 year old does not always do exactly as they are told?

Imagine the reaction if you read in the newspaper about a 9 year old left home alone and there was e.g a gas expolsion.

Flossiechops · 18/01/2013 11:21

I have a just turned 9 dd and wouldn't even contemplate leaving her home alone. It's just too young imho!

VerlaineChasedRimbauds · 18/01/2013 11:25

If there were a gas explosion florry88 it wouldn't matter how many responsible people were in the house, would it?

VerlaineChasedRimbauds · 18/01/2013 11:27

I think that, as a neighbour will be there and available that it is likely to be ok, providing he knows all the rules for the time he is home alone.

jellybeans · 18/01/2013 11:32

I would never do it. Secondary age be OK but not 9 unless the odd time nipping up the road etc.

Jins · 18/01/2013 11:38

We had a plan just in case when DS1 was 9 but in fact we didn't have to use it until he was 10. Depending on the maturity of the child it could be ok or it could be disasterous.

We left DS1 at home for the duration of DS2s party when he was 10 as he refused to go. It was too long really but an hour would have been fine

YellowFlyingPineapple · 18/01/2013 11:59

Well.....I have a DS aged 9.5 years and once a week he is at home for 30 minutes on his own whilst I take the other children to activities, he loves it.

We have the list of do and don'ts - do not open the door to anybody at all, do not answer the phone at all, if the house catches fire go out through the back door or the french doors in the dining room and down to the bottom of the very large garden, so far away from the theoretical fire and sit in the playhouse, torch is by the back door if needed, key left in the back door always. List of contacts and numbers is stuck to inside of the larder.

What I did do was sit down with DS and get him to show me what he would do to call my mobile or DH's mobile. Happy that he can do that so he enjoys his little bit of being in complete control of the TV, gets himself a snack etc.

Can the neighbour go in with him to put some lights on, fire up the TV and check the heating is on, settle him in almost and then make sure front door locked and let him enjoy some independence?

I would explore paying neighbour if DS was in the least bit worried about being home on his own.

Boggler · 18/01/2013 13:48

florry you are so right about newspaper headlines. My mother always said if not sure about something think what the headlines would be. So how about:

'home alone boy (9) found crying scared in house with no electricity due to power cut - parents were out working'

'Primary school pupil (9) abandoned by working parents'

'hungry home alone child badly burned trying to make tea'

I'm concerned that so many people n here are under the impression that it's ok to leave a 9 year old, as long as they have a list of do and donts. But what about the unexpected things that can happen how are they supposed to know what to do?

Kiriwawa · 18/01/2013 13:54

OFGS - don't be so hysterical Boggler! This is one hour on probably a maximum of 10 days.

I would do it if you know your DS is sensible OP.

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