to leave (just) 9 year old home alone after school

[redskyatnight]

Really in 2 minds about this so seeking some clarity ?

DH normally looks after DS after school, however he has a business trip coming up and will be away for 2-3 weeks.

All the childminders/after school clubs that might take DS are full or wouldn?t consider it for a short period.

We can call in various favours from friends but realistically wouldn?t have enough to cover the whole period (friends have other commitments after school and we wouldn?t ask any 1 friend to have him for more than 1 or 2 afternoons anyway in the interests of not imposing).

DS is brought home every day by a neighbour (who is one of the people we could ask to look after him for the odd time or 2).
I can jig my work hours so that I will be home at most an hour after him.
DS has just turned 9.

Both DH and I have memories of letting ourselves in after school and being alone for a similar period at a similar age. So DH has suggested that we give DS a key and ask the neighbour to make sure that he does get in ok (and put her and a couple of other neighbours on standby in case of emergencies). DS would most likely watch TV or play on the Wii for the whole time.

Are we (or would we) BU?

(and for those who mumble about we should have a proper back up plan I should point out it is highly unusual for DH to be away for so long at a time- he normally only goes away for 2 or 3 days which we can cope with).

[Boggler]

I'm not being hysterical just pointing out that children of that age not equipped to be able to handle things out of the ordinary and it doesn't matter if it's 15 minutes or 5 hours they are being left alone unsupervised and IMO that is irresponsible.

[valiumredhead]

Good Lord - the papers wouldn't even run a headline like that because it is such a non issue with a sensible child

They wouldn't say 'home alone child' anyway, they would say 'latch key kid.' get it right! [winnk]

[valiumredhead]

How do you think children become equipped to deal with the unexpected if they are never allowed to try? Age does not equal maturity.

[valiumredhead]

boggler do you think a 9 year old walking to and from school by themselves, which takes 20 mins each way is irresponsible?

[YellowFlyingPineapple]

well said valiumredhead only when children are given the chance to demonstrate their level of maturity can we know how mature they actually are.

boggler many thanks you are making me feel I am quite chilled as a mother!

[Chandon]

Aside from the risks, if you decide to take them, I think it is sad for a 9 year old to be all alone every day after school, feeling nobody cares.

As an occasional remedy, fine, I would leave my 9 yr old for 20-30minutes.

However, valiumredhead, I do not think it is necessary to teach a child independence by leaving thek on their own for an hour every day.

You should really ask yourself: what is best for the child in this situation? The answer is probably to have a caring adult looking after him, or to be with other kids.

[valiumredhead]

I think it is sad for a 9 year old to be all alone every day after school, feeling nobody cares

But that isn't what the OP is thinking about, and yes that WOULD be irresponsible and neglectful at ANY age to think no one cares about you.

This is an hour after school with mum a ten min walk away - so 3 mins in the car. I think some perspective is needed here!

[madwomanintheattic]

'All alone every day feeling no one cares'

Ah, no bias there, then? you could equally say 'feeling proud and responsible as he knows his parents trust him, and content that he can approach a nearby adult or call his mum at any point' . Same kid.

[boodles]

Well why not leave them alone from birth, after all they have to learn independence, don't they. [hmmm]

Why do they bother with after school clubs eh.

Or you pay the neighbour to provide child care to cover that time. I have three children of various stages, one the sameish age as the op. My eldest is 19. I would never have let them come home to an empty house and be alone when they were 9, still a very young child. My eldest is very independent, she lives on her own, paying bills and all the other stuff that entails, I didn't need to start leaving her home alone as a very young child to achieve that. It is hard work but you have kids you need to take full responsibility for them and that includes finding appropriate child care when they are still very young.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

why would he feel sad, and feel as if no one cares?

as for having a caring adult looking after him, I dont think the op was asking her son to move and fend for himself was she?
She is talking about a couple of days over a 3 week period for an hour. Please get a grip.

[boodles]

Madwoman, talk about editing a post to suit your needs. Are you a daily fail journalist?

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

boodles you do realise that we dont all have to parent the same way as you?

And whilst you may consider yourself to be absolutey right, it doesnt mean you actually are?

[wisemanscamel]

I think 9 is too young. Sorry. Could you lean a bit on your friends and tell them that this is really unusual but could they help you out for this period. I have done this before and found that people were happy to help knowing that I would do the same for them at weekends etc.

Or, leave work an hour earlier and make up the time somewhere?

Alternatively - no business trip without childcare?

[valiumredhead]

Why do they bother with after school clubs?

Because some kids can't walk home by themselves as home is too far from school and parents don't get back until much later. Again, we are talking about ONE hour probably less with mum less than ten mins walk away, and not every day.

9 is NOT 'very young' in most cases, 9 is the age when children should be given some responsibility and be able to rise to the occasion and feel proud of themselves. If 9 were very young then schools would not allow children to walk to and from them by themselves.

[boodles]

Where did I say to do what i do, I just said what I did. This is a thread on a discussion forum, therefore I am joining in with the discussion with my opinion. So while you may think anything you say is exactly right, it isn't.

[valiumredhead]

Ds was just being allowed to go to the corner shop at 7 ( one very quiet road to cross) he LOVED it and felt so grown up. By the time he got to 9 and had to walk to school he was more than capable.

[MrsMeow]

Just parroting other posters really but I wouldn't leave DS (9 next month) home alone. I'm quite laid back in my parenting style (much to the horror of my total opposite DH!) but I really think 9 is too young.

You'll probably find that your friends/neighbours really wouldn't mind having him if you asked. It's when people take advantage that others moods change!

Hope you manage to sort it out with no problems. I do empathise, I'm trying to juggle 2 DC and nurse training whilst my husband works away all week every week. It's bloody hard!

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

boodles you are making statements like "you have to...."it looks like an order not an opinion.

[valiumredhead]

It completely depends on the child, some of ds's mates couldn't cope with anything if left alone and they are 11/12 BUT they are the ones that have never been left or are allowed to go anywhere by themselves.

[LilyBolero]

Those of you who think it is too early....how are you planning to prepare your children for the journey to and from secondary?

We started off small - leaving them alone for short times from 8/9, then walking home from school alone at 9/10, then at just 11 it was Y7, getting a PUBLIC bus (ie not a dedicated school bus), getting off in the city centre, and then walking through the centre to school, about 3/4 mile.

I don't think we do kids any favours by wrapping them in cotton wool, and really, a 9 yo should be fine at home for an hour, with mum a short phone call away.

[HazleNutt]

Out of interest, I was reading some Swedish parenting boards about the same topic and most people think it's fine to leave a 6-7 year old home alone for a few hours. I haven't heard that there are significantly more accidents with kids in Sweden. So I guess British homes must be simply a lot more dangerous?

[LilyBolero]

When I was 9, I did a Saturday orchestra. In the lunchtime, the staff went off to the pub for lunch, we just wandered round town on our own. Things aren't more dangerous now, just we cosset children so much.

It worries me that children are growing up with NO IDEA of how to cope with problems. If a child has never been left on their own, how on earth are they going to cope with;
a bus not turning up when it is supposed to
a bus driver not letting them on the bus
a bus stopping early and kicking them out at an unfamiliar stop

• all things that happened to ds1 in his first week at secondary

[ClaraOswinOswald]

Round here, 9 year olds go to Middle School and catch the bus on their own. DD1 had a key from Y5 and let herself in. She would then lock the door behind her, phone me and watch tv until I got home (up to an hour and a half later).

Totally depends on the child though, DD2 wouldn't have been able to do this, she would have been scared.

[PrettyPirate]

HazleNutt - you are right. I'm from Scandinavian country and when kids start school at age 6-7 they usually get home all by themselves after school (school bus, public transport or walk) and parents get home after work. Usually kids have tons of homework to do every day anyway, so no time to misbehave.
Not all kids are home alone that age but most of them.

I started my school in another town at age 6, had to take two buses. Get home from school at 2-3pm, parents got home at 6. Now most of my friends' kids do them same who live in that town. Nothing unusual.

[Kiriwawa]

PrettyPirate - I wonder if that goes some way to explaining why our childcare costs are so much higher in the UK?