to not want to tell people the sex of my baby?

[CheerfulYank]

I'm due in May. DH and I know the sex but would like to keep it to ourselves. (I want to have the big "it's a boy/it's a girl" moment in the hospital. )

My mother keeps asking me about it, sending me emails of things that are stereotypical "boy" or "girl" things and asking if she should buy them.

She has a friend who does exquisite linens for nurseries and has offered to make some for me. My mom said on the phone "I haven't even messaged her about anything recently because she'll want to know about the bedding and I don't know what color to tell her!" I said "can't you tell her in May? The baby will sleep in with us for awhile anyway so I'm not concerned about the nursery." Apparently not, though.

My brother, whom I have a difficult relationship with anyway, hates secrets or surprises of any kind. He sent me a few Facebook message saying "I don't get it" and "is this some "thing" people do now?" This is his way...he tries to make me feel stupid until I agree with him or do what he wants.

Even my best friends are talking about how they'll "get it out of me" and the general consensus seems to be that I'm being selfish. :(

AIBU not to tell? I just want to keep it between us and the few random mumsnetters I've told for awhile. Plus our pfb has been an only for almost six years and we are trying to include him as much as possible, so we were thinking he could make the announcement.

[Abra1d]

Why do people have to know? Isn't part of the magic finding out when the baby is born?

[atthewelles]

I agree. There's no need for people to know in advance and if you'd prefer it to be a surprise, that's your business.
I don't know why you're getting such a hard time on here.

[CheerfulYank]

Thanks. :)

I am a bit confused because several people have posted that I'm giving it more importance than it is, people have babies all the time so it's not that special, etc. If it's not a big deal, why should I have to tell?

In regard to the bedding. (And I'll send you a link if I can Natural :)). If I sensed that my mom HAD to know now in order to give me a gift that she truly wanted to from the bottom of her heart, I would reconsider.

But I told her from the start that I wanted to wait because who knew if the scan would be right anyway, and there was talk of having it monogrammed, and I won't name the baby until it's born. The woman who makes it is always very busy and has a few months turnaround on her work; there's no reason she couldn't make it as easily in May.

Frankly, my mother has the nursery planned in her mind, and the bedding fits in with that. It is beautiful but impractical and not necessarily what I would have chosen. However, it is really not that important to me. But if it will make my mother happy to get it and make the shop owner happy to make it, I'll be delighted to have it. I just don't care enough to let it be used as a manipulation tool.

As for letting DS make the announcement. He wanted to come to the scan but there was a possibility of something being wrong, so he didn't. I just thought it'd be a nice way to include him. :)

[Pinot]

I think it's lovely to include mini-Yank. My v good friend had her baby on a school day and her Mum collected her DD from school, so was standing with us. Anyway, my friend rang her Mums mobile just as happened to be loitering after collecting the kids gossiping about what we thought baby would be/had she had it yet?/was her fanjo OK and asked to speak to her DD. Said daughter then got to announce to Grandma and all of us excited lot that "I have a baby sister" and there was (I swear to God) cheering and hugging and tears from all of us. In the middle of a playground :o :o Wonderful memories and the DD felt like a million pounds. Or dollars, for you Yanky.

[Pinot]

And, actually, with my DS3 I announced his name by having it embroidered on a bib. So when folk came to see us in the hospital, there he was - my little XXXXX.

[CheerfulYank]

Another very recent gem from my mother :o

Her: Well it better be a girl, I don't like the name Alec! (She know DH and I have considered it)

Me: Well, Alexander is DH's favorite name and Alec is my favorite shortening.

Her: ALEX is short for Alexander, not Alec. I don't care what you say.

Me: Alec Baldwin's name is short for Alexander.

Her: I hate him. So that doesn't count.


Sigh...

[CheerfulYank]

Oh, that's sweet Pinot :)

[larrygrylls]

"I am a bit confused because several people have posted that I'm giving it more importance than it is, people have babies all the time so it's not that special, etc. If it's not a big deal, why should I have to tell? "

Because you want them to act surprised and excited when you do tell them something that you have known for months. It sounds from your OP that you want an "it's a girl/boy" moment. The problem is that moment is going to be very contrived. It is like finding out your Christmas present in advance and then expecting everyone to join in an excited and surprised act when you unwrap it, despite the fact that they know that you know exactly what is inside the wrapping paper.

As a matter of interest, why did you find out yourself at your scan?

[McNewPants2013]

I really want to know now lol.

but i would keep it for DS to tell people, sounds a good idea :)

[LadyBeagleEyes]

Why are you being so nasty to the OP larry?

[larrygrylls]

Lady,

I don't think I am being particularly nasty. Maybe my first post was a little harsh but the OP took it in good spirit. I am just trying to explain how the situation may feel from her family and friends' perspective. I know I would feel very odd having to act excited about the "news" were it my friend or a member of my family. I am also genuinely curious as to why she found out.

Do you see nothing odd in finding the sex of a baby out but then keeping it a secret from everyone, even friends and close family?

[LadyBeagleEyes]

Not odd at all Larry, sorry.

[valiumredhead]

I don't think I am being particularly nasty

I doubt your mum did either when she made that comment that upset you about producing girls

[5madthings]

I don't think its odd at all ,lots of people do it. We did with ds4 and I really liked that do and I knew, thankfully we had relatives who acted like normal people and respected our choice.

[larrygrylls]

Valium,

You really need to renew that prescription.

[Pinot]

Oh larry.
Silly larry.

[valiumredhead]

Oh do fuck larry

[valiumredhead]

[larrygrylls]

What, for poor grammar and punctuation? They are used to it, don't worry.

[valiumredhead]

off

Better? :)

[CheerfulYank]

Larry but it will be news, to them. And a baby is not a Christmas present.

I found out because I wanted to know and narrow down name choices.

[AndABigBirdInaPearTree]

I knew with #2 but didn't tell anyone as DH didn't want to know and I didn't think anyone else should know if he didn't. DM asked me directly if I knew and I don't lie about stupid crap so I said yes but I wasn't telling because of DH. She was really unhappy. She would have let the cat out of the bag though anyway. If people didn't ask I didn't tell and if I could steer the conversation away from the subject I did but if I was asked directly if I knew I said that I did.

[Seabird72]

YABU - you let people know that you knew. It's hurtful to then say you don't want them to know - you want it to be a surprise for them! It's a surprise no matter when they find out and I've always felt that finding out the sex just makes it easier to prepare yourself for the birth. You should have just said "we told them we didn't want to know" and then you would never have had to go through this. Don't agree with your mum's comments (however much she tries to make a joke out of them) though - people should be more considerate - every new baby is special. (have a particular dislike of this since DH's brother had the first grandchildren in the family on his side boy and a girl so our dc aren't considered as special as they are - and it shows!)

[LadyBeagleEyes]

I didn't have the choice of knowing at my local hospital, it's their policy not to tell.

[5madthings]

Why on earth is it hurtful ffs?!!

As I said we did this with ds4 and nobody found it hurtful and they were happy to wait.