To not go to hospital with husband and baby

[MeconiumHappens]

My OH has 6 monthly check ups at a specialist hospital for a long term serious health problem. This hospital is 2hrs drive away. He wont go alone, ive always gone with him, or his mum if i cant get out of work.

We now have a 7 month old. DH think me and baby should go with him next week. Its 2hr drive there, up to 2 hr wait in busy clinic then 2 hr drive home. Im refusing to go, i dont want baby in car seat that long, and think a clinic is not the place for a baby, particularly in noro virus season. He thinks im being really selfish. Its his mums birthday so doesnt think its fair to ask her. He wont go on his own. He gave me the old "well if somethings wrong it'll be your fault"

AIBU?

[HappyNewHissy]

And heaven help any mother who can't manage entertaining a 7 month old for a couple of hours in a hospital!

.... NEITHER of which need, or actually ought to be there.

If the H hadn't guilt tripped, blamed and attempted at manipulating the OP, I'd say consider it, but find a park nearby, but he's being a royal twat.

Get him a games console, some photos of the baby, and a dummy packet of sweeties to keep him busy.

[CrystalEclipse]

5mad things- indeed I have. Tbh 7 months easy no probs boob/bottle jar of food, interesting toy rattle, lie back buggy.

[Lambzig]

I think it does depend on whether he has gone and had bad news before.

I have a chronic very serious illness which involves six monthly blood tests and check ups. When I was first diagnosed and terrified, DH came with me to the appointments for the first year or so (although mainly because he preferred to hear the facts straight from the consultant). Now seven years on, I go myself and wouldnt dream of getting DH to come and there is potential each time that I might get bad news. However, I think its very personal as to how you manage a long term illness and my way isnt everyone's, but it has become routine for me.

OP, it really is up to you to understand your DH's feelings. It could be a vulnerability or fear of bad results, finding things difficult, or perhaps its still all new. If any of those I think maybe he needs you. If its just that he will be bored without you, then perhaps put your little one first. Only you really know the answer to that.

[SugarplumMary]

I don?t think the OP is being nasty.

I've had to sit round hospital waiting rooms with young DC and babies - it not fun and is very hard work. Plus they may well make you feel very unwelcome with DC not being seen.

Mine were crawling at 7 months - and needing a fair bit of entertainment especially when they wanted to be off. They can also be a huge distraction if they kick off when medical people are doing stuff as well ? so it not guarantee the OP could be supportive in unlikely event her DH got bad news.

So I wouldn?t take the baby.

[5madthings]

Well quite a few 7mths old are crawling and wouldnt want to sit on a lap or in a pushchair for that length if time and many waiting rooms dint have space fir a pushchair, some even say no pushchairs full stop.

Two hours in a hospital waiting room is tedious as an adult. I have done it numerous times with and wirhout babies, uncomfortable chairs some that are crap fir bfeeding, often they are hot and stuffy etc.

The op says her dh doesnt need her there. He wants company and to show the baby off, not necessary imo and hus pathetic attemp at blackmailing her 'i wont go.if you dont come with me' is shite.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"He wants me to go for company because he's always had someone go with him, not because he's worried about the appt. And because he wants to show the baby off to the staff. His condition generally shows itself as shit before the results do hence why i think its just routine. He DID say if i dont go with him he's not going and it'll be my fault if something is missed which i think is very childish. If it was me, id just go on my own just this once."
Sitting in hospital waiting rooms are boring. I take a book. So can your husband. I would not ask anyone to sit in a car for four hours and a waiting room for two hours just because I don't want to amuse myself. Sheesh, misery loves company, making your husband a bit of a misery.

And if he's not going to go if you don't accompany him - well, that is beyond stupid. Point out to him that if he is a DNA (Did Not Attend) then he could be automatically discharged, so he's better phone the clinic and inform them he cannot be there and rebook another appointment. Arse.

[DorisIsWaiting]

I think he wants your support in this.

He has a long term health condition he has been to these clinics for many years, it doesn't ake them any nicer or easier to get throgh.

He knows the staff and is proud of his dc.

DD2 has appointments every 3 month not 2hrs away atm but she has been. When it was we ended up driving the whole family DH DD's 1-3 and me to the appointment then had a day out on the way home.

As she grows up I can not imagine not attending appointments with her as even on sessions where she is well there can still be discussions on changes to her care treatment regime etc.

YABU

[mentallyscrewed]

YABU - the baby will be fine in the car and most likely sleep. Take some toys, finger foods etc and baby will be fine in the clinic. We used to regularly do 2hr drives to visit family when DCs were all babies.

Leave a bit earlier to stop for a coffee mid way, take plenty of milk/drinks for car journeys etc.

It'll be fine, you need to be there for DH, jmho x

[piprabbit]

Is your DH not a grown-up?

If he gets bored he should take a book, play a game on his phone, read a magazine, listen to some music on his earphones, anything to occupy himself like the rest of the people at the clinic will be doing.

Routine hospital check ups are a necessary PITA. There is absolutely no need to inflict them on anybody else, especially when it involves dragging a small baby along too.

Of course, this doesn't apply if he is expecting bad news or to be admitted as a result of the appt.

[nickelbabylyinginamanger]

the travelling time alone is too much for a 7mo.

[marriedinwhite]

OP - what is the long term medical condition and what are the chances that he could be told bad news at this appointment? Would the bad news be life threatening. If the answers are no then I think you are being entirely reasonable; if the answers are yes then I think you are being unreasonable.

DH had emergency surgery once and didn't tell me because I was at work and me knowing before 5.30pm wouldn't affect the situation and there was nothing I could have done about it.

I went into labour at 27 weeks very unexpectedly and had to give birth without my husband knowing - he was in court but got to the hospital as soon as possible. .

[curiousuze]

YANBU - what would he do if he wasn't married, make his mummy come with him? Ridiculous.

[DameSaggarmakersbottomknocker]

Based on your 11.08 post I think he's being a bit precious. Won't go on his own? Blimey.

[TidyDancer]

I understand your perspective, but if DP asked me to go to this with him, I would go. "Don't want to" and "it's too far" wouldn't be excuse enough for me.

[hippoCritt]

Is it possible to change appointment so it's not his mums birthday?

[mrsjay]

well i was with him until he said it will be your fault has he always been so emotionally blackmailing about his illness he sounds a nob, saying all that i have a disability and have had to go to hospital and appointments and take babies, children with us stop being so precious your baby will be fine,

[BigBoobiedBertha]

"And heaven help any mother who can't manage entertaining a 7 month old for a couple of hours in a hospital!"

Serioulsy? 6 mths to a year is by far the hardest age to keep occupied. They aren't interested in anything for more than a minute. If they are anything like mine they don't sleep much during the day at that age. They are just trying to get mobile and won't want to stay on anybody's lap for long. And as for sitting in a buggy for a couple of hours - nah. They would be screaming the place down to get out. Have you had a 7mth child at all?

If they were walking you could go for a wander around and look at stuff. If they were younger, they might, if you fed them enough sleep for a bit but not at 7mths. Why would you inflict that on yourselves and the rest of the people in the waiting room? It isn't fair.

[StrawberryMojito]

When my DS was 7 months, he would have slept all the way there, had a bit of food when arrived at the hospital but then the trouble would start. He was sitting up and rolling around at that age and had learned to pull up to standing (I think). He would not want to be held for two hours and wouldn't want to be sat in a push chair after a long journey in a car seat. There would be no way I would let him play on a hospital floor which means he would get really irritable and unpleasantly noisy. He would then sleep all the way home and after all that sleep would probably have a really crap night, it would be a nightmare.. I can understand that he probably wants you there but to say he won't go if you don't is immature. What would he do if he were single? So OP I think YANBU. Having said that, I would probably go if it were me.

[OhlimpPricks]

Which area is it in London? Hospitals are never going to be in the most picturesque part of town, but someone on here may know of somewhere nice to go within walking distance. Certainly I know of a couple of large teaching hospitals and could suggest nearby places.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

If your DH has said that he just wants company because it's boring, then he's being very childish. I'd maybe suggest a compromise, in that you accompany him on the journey, occupy DC elsewhere (outside the hospital) and then travel home together.

I can't think of anything worse than entertaining a baby in a waiting area for 2hrs. If DH is anxious about results and that's why he wants you there, then surely other patients will also be anxious and therefore it might not be appropriate to have a baby there. DD was crawling by 7mo and wouldn't have wanted to stay in a buggy and would have kicked up a stink about wanting to toddle around. Much better to find a park or somewhere else to go to.

Clearly if he's anxious about bad news, I'd go into the hospital with DH but ensure he knew that if DD was distracting others then I'd wait outside the waiting area. My DH had a mole removed and although I drove him there, I didn't wait in the dermatology dept as it just wasn't appropriate with a baby DD (DH didn't have cancer but other patients there would have being receiving bad news), I met him afterwards and drove us both home.

Definitely tell him not to just DNA the appointment. The staff look really dimly on it and they can discharge you back to your GP. Please tell him to re-arrange the appointment in advance so someone can use the space.

[SauvignonBlanche]

I'm not sure if YABU without knowing the nature of your DH's condition.
My DH has to have regular transplant clinic appointments and he always goes on his own.
I think I've shown my face once in 15 years but the hospital is 5 minutes away.

[Startail]

7 month old may be OK with this a crawling, possibly walking 13 month old will be vile at the next one.

You need childcare or him to go by himself by then.

[mercibucket]

i would think my dh was being ridiculous

but i wouldn't have gone to any of the other appointments either. does he expect you to always go?

presumably 6 month appointments also mean it is all under control atm

you may as well take the baby and go with him. i wouldn't think noro is any reason not too, at least they have handspray there, umlike in tesco.