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AIBU?

To not go to hospital with husband and baby

157 replies

MeconiumHappens · 05/01/2013 09:48

My OH has 6 monthly check ups at a specialist hospital for a long term serious health problem. This hospital is 2hrs drive away. He wont go alone, ive always gone with him, or his mum if i cant get out of work.

We now have a 7 month old. DH think me and baby should go with him next week. Its 2hr drive there, up to 2 hr wait in busy clinic then 2 hr drive home. Im refusing to go, i dont want baby in car seat that long, and think a clinic is not the place for a baby, particularly in noro virus season. He thinks im being really selfish. Its his mums birthday so doesnt think its fair to ask her. He wont go on his own. He gave me the old "well if somethings wrong it'll be your fault"

AIBU?

OP posts:

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SomersetONeil · 06/01/2013 08:42

Sorry, crashdoll, I completely stand by my opinion - under these circumstances, he's being selfish and self-indulgent.

And very much agree with OTT.

OTTMummA · 05/01/2013 23:40

Yanbu op. He sounds a bit pathetic, very unattractive quality to me. Unfortunately he is now an adult with a child, sometimes he will just have to suck it up and get on with it. If this is a long term problem he should really find another way to entertain himself, he has been indulged and has become expectant and thinks because he gas a condition no one should say no and that he is always first. Tbh I find people like this annoying and keep a long arm, I take it this isn't an option for you :D

Greythorne · 05/01/2013 21:59

When my baby was 7 months old, I would have loved the chance for a few hours guilt free away, to read, mess about in MN, sit quietly.

Ok, so a routine medical exam may not be fun, but he can look on the positive side in terms of having some time to himself.

Snazzynewyear · 05/01/2013 21:58

So if he's really scared, he could ask his mum, who's gone with him before - but he won't because it's her birthday. Instead he wants to drag his partner and baby along simply because he thinks someone should always come with him. Yes it's nice to have someone there at appointments but it just isn't practical this time, and adults know that sometimes that happens and you have to go on your own. I don't think he's scared; I think he's used to having people do what he wants and is annoyed that he isn't getting that this time.

Plus if he just doesn't show, that's an appointment time that could have been offered to another patient who's having to wait longer. Selfish.

crashdoll · 05/01/2013 21:41

Emotional blackmail is not cool and not on at all but maybe he doesn't want to say "actually I'm shit scared and would like support".

pictish · 05/01/2013 21:04

I agree with Bogeyface there.

He is now saying that if she doesn't go, he won't either, and if there's there's anything miussed because of it, it will be her fault!

Prize cunt.

Zimbah · 05/01/2013 20:58

Very odd behaviour of the DH to want to drag a baby to a hospital appointment. How many 6mo will be happy in the car for 2 x 2hour journey? You would no doubt have to stop half way which will end up making it a 2.5 hour journey at least. Then will you be travelling back or starting off through rush hour, the whole thing ends up taking a lot longer than 2 hours and it's quite likely the baby will end up screaming at some point. Which is fair enough if it's essential but it really isn't. Even if he was worried about receiving bad news it would be really silly to take the baby, it would be much better to ask his mum to babysit (if you and she are happy to do so for the whole day).

Bogeyface · 05/01/2013 19:54

Of course it is selfish and self indulgent!

He isnt worried, doesnt want support, just wants someone to talk to so he isnt bored. Forget the fact that the baby will be bored, crying, whatever and that the OP will be desperately trying to pacifiy the baby in order that the other patients aren't disturbed.

Oh no, lets go and stop the poor little lamb from having to amuse himself

Then to stick emotional blackmail on top, that is incredibly selfish and bloody nasty.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/01/2013 19:35

I also agree Bilbo. This thread has really made me sad. Of course you should go OP

MudCity · 05/01/2013 19:27

No you are not being unreasonable.

However, his response is most certainly unreasonable.

DameSaggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/01/2013 19:26

crashdoll - it's fine to want a loved one with you, it doesn't make you self-indulgent. But its not fine when your loved one has valid reason for not coming along to then blackmail them with comments like 'I won't go then' or 'If anything's wrong, it's your fault'.

LunaticFringe · 05/01/2013 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 05/01/2013 19:15

I wouldn't go. And in all honesty, if it means taking time off work and your partner does have a potentially problematic condition, I think you need quite hard-headedly to stack up as much leave and goodwill at work as possible, just in case you do have to take unexpected time off later.

Moominsarescary · 05/01/2013 19:12

If you do go he probably won't want you to again, we had to take 7 month ds 3 to my postnatal appointment and to a few appointments in this pregnancy and even without the long drive he gets bored and it's a pita

crashdoll · 05/01/2013 19:01

Well, I would want a loved one to come with me, so I suppose that makes me selfish and self-indulgent.

SomersetONeil · 05/01/2013 18:39

I cannot imagine dragging my DH and small baby to such a long-winded appointment, just so as to stop me from getting bored.

And as such, I don't have much sympathy for anyone else who would. I think it's a little bit self-indulgent and selfish.

YANBU.

BookFairy · 05/01/2013 18:26

Just to make this clear:

Your H wants you to go so he can show off the baby and so he doesn't get bored?

Right.

Clearly the OP is not neglecting her vows. and being a "nasty person". It is a routine check up. I have a long term condition and go alone to routine appointments. Unless any tests have been done beforehand it is extremely unlikely that there will be any unexpected news.

Is it the Homerton? Not much around there!

YANBU btw :)

Goodadvice1980 · 05/01/2013 17:58

YANBU OP.

Your DH is being very childish and spiteful with his comments.

As an aisde, is he jealous of the baby?

Pandemoniaa · 05/01/2013 17:42

He DID say if i dont go with him he's not going and it'll be my fault if something is missed which i think is very childish

This makes all the difference to me. Of course you'd prefer to be there to offer support but this time things are made more complicated by having a 7-month old baby. To lay this sort of emotional blackmail on you is childish and unreasonable. I'm sorry he has a chronic health condition but he's an adult, ffs. He needs to accept that sometimes you have to face things on your own.

SauvignonBlanche · 05/01/2013 17:34

That's a good point, fingers crossed.

fuzzypicklehead · 05/01/2013 17:32

You really do need to ring up the hospital and find out if you & the baby would even be allowed in. I've been for tests and clinics at my local and found that security only allowed individuals with appointments through because of norovirus. Everybody else had to wait in the cafe or the entrance waiting area.

curiousuze · 05/01/2013 17:32

I don't understand all these grown adults who would drag a poor baby from pillar to post for absolutely no good reason. Part of being a grown up is dealing with hospital appointments and other unpleasant things. I don't think I could handle having a partner who needed hand holding like this.

And in reverse I did attend a CVS test alone because my DH was on holiday and I mixed my dates up when booking it. It could have been bad news - my previous pregnancy was terminated due to a fatal condition revealed by scan and cvs test - but that's life and when you're an adult you just get on with it, don't you? My DH gave me support by phone and that was fine.

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crashdoll · 05/01/2013 17:05

It depends on the condition and his clinic. It might not be appropriate for a baby to be in the waiting room. There may be immunosuppressed patients and babies present risks to people with lower immune systems.

As an adult with a chronic health condition, I hate going to the hospital on my own even for a routine check up. I need the support. Your DH says it's because he wants company but perhaps there are other reasons.

Climbingpenguin · 05/01/2013 16:53

the people saying about the situation being flipped I'm not sure I agree with.

Many a MNer has gone to ultrasound appointments by themselves other OH looks after other children. Bad news could be given then as well.

Ihatecobwebs · 05/01/2013 16:20

Just wondered whether anyone has checked whether the baby would be allowed in the waiting room?

When my DM was ill a few years ago, and had monthly appointments, day surgery treatments etc, the hospital wouldn't let me in with DS most of the time, due to their infection control. Only times I went in with him was when she was ambulanced in one day, and I followed in car and went in to find out if they were keeping her overnight (as they had to talk to me directly, not through the Reception), and when I collected her on discharge. Otherwise I took her to hospital and had to leave her at the door.

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