To be daydreaming about having a minor accident that puts me in hospital for a couple of days :(

[larks35]

I know I am really. But I am just so worn out! I work full-time and have a 3yo and 8mo. Mine is the main (at this point only) income we have. I do enjoy my job (teacher) and that is my main focus during the week. But I obviously also love my family and they are my focus in the evenings and weekends. DD has been teething and a bit ill recently so nights have been broken. I had another parents' evening tonight (have had one per week for the last 3 weeks). I have a mound of marking that I'll struggle to do, probably tomorrow, saturday and sunday evening.

I just need a break! And yes, I know I'll get two weeks off over Christmas and I am lucky with that compared to others, but that is just another kind of work and I'm all out of steam .

So my daydream is to have a minor accident that entails a two night stay at hospital. Work will be sympathetic, DP will have to cope and I'll just sleep and read. I obviously need to work on my work/life balance.

[AboutThyme]

Oh Vicar, why do you feel so unhappy?

[VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry]

no idea really other than im stressed to the limit thyme started anti depressants a week ago.

there are no police anymore. my group is short. our work loads are unmanageable. the moment i get to work control is shouting at us to get to more jobs, the jobs i have are not getting investigated due to the workload i have. a colleague was seriously injured at a pub fight which he got sent to alone. i got sent to reports of 30 people fighting on my own.
i cant do it.

[Morloth]

YABU, but I have found myself watching something where someone was hurt or something and thinking 'all they have to do now is rest...'

Not too long, but perhaps a week of just being expected to eat and sleep...

[AngelOne]

I'm not a teacher, but feel the same. I'm in public sector and undergoing massive re-structuring ATM.
The whole process is an absolute farce, and staff are being treated appallingly. HR are so disorganised, the union are up to their eyeballs in grievances and we don't even have a line manager at the moment. Next Thursday I'm being interviewed for my own job, if I'm not successful I'll get redundancy notice on the 31st January. Happy fucking new year!

[larks35]

Vicar, I hope you do continue to be signed off as it sounds like you need a break far more than I do. to you. When I started as a teacher, a friend of mine started as a police constable, my worst experiences (insolent, aggressive and sometimes violent kids) were his easiest. You do have a far more stressful job than most of us and if it has taken its toll on you, you need to be given time to recover.

I do enjoy my job, love it really. I just feel torn between two very important roles and the only time I have to myself are these late nights, which obviously don't help, but I need them!

[AboutThyme]

I wish I had something helpful I could say. I don't. Except I am sorry to hear about your colleague and I am sorry to hear you were sent to an un-winnable (new word) situation. Are you near anyone on the bench who can help/meet you? Im in the north west if you fancy a coffee??

[VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry]

im sorry. i should not use this thread as a whingefest - i have my own to whinge on in mental health. its just i can sympathise with these feelings, i have some health issues (seeing consultant on weds) but they are not serious and im wishing they were so i could have some more time off. pathetic.

[AboutThyme]

You aren't using a thread as a "whingefest". Not at all. Nor are you pathetic.

[VestaCurry]

I used to teach and remember the feeling.

Vicar :( :( So awful that you are under such intolerable stress. I've read some of your threads (mainly to do with the state of your poor feet, which just scream 'body under extreme stress' if that makes sense. Could your GP sign you off for longer? You don't sound well enough to cope with the rigours of going back on duty, especially during the Christmas season which must be even more pressurised.

[larks35]

Don't be sorry Vicar, this is a whinge thread and your situation is more whinge-worthy than mine. I really do hope your doctor signs you off for longer and that you don't have another health problem to worry about.

[VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry]

i am embarrassed, but i just feel like cannon fodder. expendable cannon fodder. and its shit to say how hard i worked to get the job, the hoops i jumped and the 2 year recruitment process. all for nothing but to wind up on ADs.

[VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry]

anyway. sorry to piss on your parade larks just know i sympathise. lots.

am off to bed before i spontaneously combust. wonders if that qualifies for critical illness cover

as you were.

[Grockle]

Oh, I could have written your OP. In fact, in the past, I've had a similar thread. Same job, only income... but too much time spent with other people's children, planning, assessing, writing reports, going to meetings... all of that done in time I should spend with DS.

I have fantacised often about being hurt enough to be off for a while - breaking my leg or something. That way, work would understand & it'd be acceptable.

I eventually went to my GP after I collapsed & was signed off for a couple of weeks with exhaustion, given ADs & offers of counselling/ referal to MH team etc. It gave me a bit of time to not worry about work.

I'm still doing the same job and wondering what else I could do.

So sorry you are so worn out. It's rubbish. There aren't many jobs like teaching, which are as fast-paced, where you have so many interactions during the day & have to switch jobs - from teaching to piles paperwork but do both on the same day. It IS exhausting.

Look after yourself. And, if you need time off, take it. You can self-certify for a week if you had a 'tummy bug' or 'flu'. There's no shame in being off with anything else either.

[Grockle]

Oh Vicar, sorry you are feeling the same. I don't know how policemen/women do it. I guess it's similar to teaching - lots to do, little time, reports to write & very stressful. My friend trained to be a policewoman - she did it for about 6 months then went back to working as a beauty therapist..

[larks35]

Vicar, you're stressed and consequently depressed. Don't think too much about your job at the moment if that is possible. When stressed, our thought processes always dwell on the negatives and everything is tainted with the gloom. Try if you can, not to dwell on anything too much. Go back to doctor and explain you need more tiime off, tell them you cannot cope with the thought of work, let alone the reality.

I don't know how much time you've had off so far but if you were signed off for a month then at least that would enable you to stop thinking about work and start enjoying life. Your depression sounds soley stress and work related, so you can't recover from it unless you are allowed a complete break from it.

[VestaCurry]

I went into teaching from a job where I'd regularly done a lot of presentations to reasonably large groups of people. But.....they were adults and apart from the odd yawn here and there, they sat reasonably still and listened or, politely pretended to ! Plus the longest I'd present in one day might be 40 mins x 2 or 3 slots if I had a lot of staff to get through. Oh what a wake up call teaching was! The job with 4 weeks holiday a year was much less tiring.

[MrTumblesCrackWhore]

YANBU
(I'm a teacher too btw)

I'm glad I'm not the only one to think like this - I have, however, got one up on you and actually had a minor op in hospital which involved an overnight lie in stay. When my GP told me very earnestly that I'd have to go in for an emergency op to remove an infected cyst close to my spine, I nearly danced with joy. ( well, I would have but I was actually in pain). General anaesthetic you say? Overnight stay? Huzzah!

I went home, looked all doleful for dh's benefit, grabbed the ear plugs and eye mask, kissed ds goodbye and whizzed off in a taxi to the waiting surgeon. I did get a great night's sleep btw.

I'm super bad though, I've realised, as my principle was asking us about the Easter holiday in 2013. The dates don't match with the rest of the London boroughs - whilst others were up in arms they may not have the same time off as their children get, I was stroking my chin at the thought of 2 weeks with no kids at home. Don't think I've been in the house on my own for more than an hour since 2009!

[larks35]

MrTumbles - that's the thing isn't it. Most of my colleagues count down the days to the hols and think "Great! A break!". All I think is, "great, my other job becomes full-time".

Hats off the SAHMs, a couple of posters have said they deal with 4, pretty much all the time. I'm the youngest of 4 and I can remember the daily quarrels, moaning, fighting, demands etc. we put my mum through.

But, I am determined to enjoy Christmas, DS is now of an age where he understands it and I know that a little effort from me will go a long way in enjoyment for him and, as a consequence, for me!

5 more days on the chalkface and then festivities begin!

Thanks all for cheering me up with your sympathetic posts

[RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief]

Before I had DD I do remember looking forward to my 3 day post-birth hospital stay like i would a mini-break. In the event I checked out a day early as I was worried DS missed me. 24 hrs at home with his tantrums and I wished I was back there

I also now totally understand why my mum- a teacher- used to get so mad when she'd come home after a long day at work to be met at the front door by me and dsis, who were screaming at one another and wanted her to referee an argument over something really critical like who could have the last fish finger.

[JockTamsonsBairns]

Totally understand. Last year, a friend of mine was admitted to hospital for 3 days with an infection - I actually felt envious..uniterrupted sleep, meals brought on a tray, cups of tea, bunches of grapes here and there. What's not to like?

A couple of years ago, Dc's were 10, 4 and 2, I had to have radioactive treatment as an outpatient. The consultant advised that I should avoid contact with my children for 12 hours. I told Dh he'd advised 48 hours . I was bloody exhausted though, and those two days were bliss.

[Startail]

I did fetch up in hospital when DD1 was 5 months old.

Day surgery under GA, hoped for a few hours sleep before discharge.

hump, the antidote to the GA was far too good and the old dear opposite took great delight in someone to talk too.