To not want my DC to participate in nativity?

[Spru]

I asked school to excuse DC from nativity (due to religious reasons - we do not depict jesus/mary/joseph.) They were absolutely fine with it. Happened to mention this to work colleagues - and they basically told me that I wasn't willing to integrate!

I was a bit shocked that they saw it like this despite the fact that I explained why. I didn't realise that this decision was perceived as a lack of willingness to integrate - in a country which I have been born and brought up in.

I had to bite my tongue for the sake of peace!

So...MN jury... AIBU to exclude DC from nativity for religious reasons (note: DC is not excluded from other christmas activities at school). Am I just not integrating well into the society that I was born and brought up in?

TIA



(please be gentle)

[Sirzy]

I can understand your reasons but I think I would have just let DS take part in the 'story' which is all it is to someone who doesn't believe. Must be hard for someone so little to understand why all his friends are taking part in the fun but he can't.

[LadyIsabellaWrotham]

If the OP went to the office Xmas lunch and had the turkey and roast potatoes but turned down the pigs in blankets and the mulled wine would people call her hypocritical for that?

[YuleBritannia]

The OP takes part (not 'partakes') in her work's Secret Santa. Santa is short for Santa Claus. Santa Claus is short for St Nicholas who was a Christian. Perhaps the OP didn't know that. If she had, she would not be involved in the Secret Santa performance event.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

I love a good nativity. (Non-christian here). I wouldn't have a go at anyone who wouldn't get involved but I would think, they were being a little insecure. Its hardly a genuine threat to your belief system, is it?

[Hulababy]

I work in a school with a very wide mix of religions and beliefs, more so than many. Despite this every single child, regardless of belief, has been allowed to participate in our Christmas plays. That's 270 children aged 4-7 allowed. This includes children who are Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, atheist and others plus others who really don't mind either way. It's far nicer for the children if they get to join in.

Likewise all joined in with eid and divali parties.

[MissCellania]

An awful lot of people missing the point. OP didn't say she doesn't take part in anything christian, or based on christian myth, she specifically said that they aren't in the nativity due to one important rule of Islam which forbids the representation of prophets. Jesus is a prophet in Islam.

Now, if anyone can point out the specific islamic doctrine forbidding giving collegues crappy cheap tat in the name of Secret Santa, then I'll agree with you. Otherwise, do try reading the OP, otherwise there isn't much point to contributing.

[DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta]

No, yanbu. Do what you like, if not being in the nativity is the worst thing to ever happen in your child's life you've done pretty well.

[SilverBaubles33]

I didn't realise that this decision was perceived as a lack of willingness to integrate - in a country which I have been born and brought up in.

I may be wrong but this sounds a little disingenuous to me for someone born and brought up in the UK; I wasn't, but I am very aware of the importance if the Nativity play from a cultural, religious and nostalgic point of view.

Perhaps if the OP had spent time in countries which are truly intolerant, and where a divergent viewpoint or different religion has more sinister consequences than the surprise of her colleagues.

In my experience, this country is, in the main, inclusive and tolerant, and where that is not the case, there are societal and legal consequences.

You asked for 'gentleness,' OP. That was an interesting word to use in view of your later (to my ears) militant assertion that you would therefore pull yourself and your dc out of all Christmas activity.

Perhaps a gentle request for a non-Prophet role for your child might be an elegant solution, as already suggested by several poster?

Hope you resolve it without your dc feeling too excluded.

[DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta]

BTW super surprised by the majority of responses you have received!

[DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta]

If the op feels depictions of prophets is against her religion...surely she won't want the child taking part in any way? Oh be a sheep seems a bit shit tbh

[bradyismyfavouritewiseman]

MissCellania

Get down of your high horse. I have read it, thanks.

As pps have said its actually 'secret Saint Nick'.

Also acting of any kind is looked down by islam. Acting and model etc. In reality he shouldn't be allowed in any play. From what I understand, if its religious grounds.

The point is, is that the OP has asked what people think. I think to pick and choose the bits she can do, which benefit her is unfair when she is excluding her son from his peers activities.

He does not have to represent a prophet. he can be a sheep.

She asked for opinions, thats mine.

[DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta]

Also saying you are "refusing to integrate" is to say that you are the other you should be like the normal.

I'd be very offended, you are from the UK you are British, you are "integrated".

[butterfingerz]

I don't think YABU, if it's something you feel very strongly about. I guess your kids have fun celebrating your own respective festivals. Unfortunately some primary schools do got OTT at christmas but once they get to secondary, they don't make a fuss at all so it's not forever!

[Verugal]

Op, the people who are saying Yabu probably don't know that Jesus, Mary and Joseph are prophets in Islam. It's completely reasonable for you to ask that your dc is included in the nativity as a star or a reader or a welcomer.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

An example for those who can't understand that there are differences between taking part in some aspects of others' religions and not others. I go to Eid celebrations, even though I don't believe (and Hanukkah, I'm a celebration butterfly). I wouldn't however, want my DD to be in a play where she was depicting Aisha, the prepubescent wife of the prophet, because this conflicts with my moral code. I see no hypocrisy in this, or the OP's position.

[RiaUnderTheMistletoe]

St. Nicholas isn't a prophet, and giving presents in his name is not depicting him. How are people not getting this?

[MissCellania]

You are mixing up cultural idea and specific religious rules.

Are there any rules forbidding Secret Saint Nick? No. There aren't any actual rules forbidding children being in plays either. There are plenty of acting shows on tv in islamic countries!
Only forbidding the depiction of prophets. OP is merely following her religion, and those telling her that she shouldn't are being intolerant and offensive.

[bradyismyfavouritewiseman]

and those telling her that she shouldn't are being intolerant and offensive.

Well fuck me for having an opinion. I am neither intolerant or offending anyone. I have pointed out that I think it is nothing to do with integration and everything to do with her being allowed to participate with her peers and her dc not being.

He DOESN'T have to be a prophet, he doesn't even have to be on stage. I also knew plenty of non christians that don't participate in Secret Santa. For reilgious reasons.

Like most people, the OP is picking and choosing which bit of religion they follow. Most people do. Just like catholics who use contraception, or an Islamic super model.

I simply think she should choose to let her dc participate.

[takataka]

surely you cant 'refuse to integrate' into your own society
you are part of society...

it is your decision whether your kids take part in the nativity or not

my kids go to a very diverse school there are lots of athiests/christians/muslims/sikhs...

the kids all seem to take part in all the celebrations, for Eid, Diwali and Christmas....there are certainly Muslim and Sikh children in the nativity. The only time I know of when some of the Muslim children dont take part is the Carol service where they go to church

I dont see the harm in the celbrations; kids arent going to loose your religion/culture because of a nativity. But I may feel differently if i was a CoE school for example

[LaCiccolina]

Could they not b another character? Bit precious out of a class of 30 that urs would be one of the main stars....?

Banning altogether seems overly harsh. I would have preferred a lesson from u as to why others are telling the story this way but that ur religion believe / follow x y z. I think dc would get more from that. Frankly so would I as ur present explanation is a bit vague. I'd be interested to know more if ur prepared to post it.

Might even alter my view....?

[bradyismyfavouritewiseman]

Are there any rules forbidding Secret Saint Nick?

I know several muslims who would say yes there are rules forbidding it. Who do not celebrate christmas at all, because they feel it is against their religion.

[MissCellania]

You think she should disregard an important part of her religion so her children can "fit in". That is intolerant to her religion and offensive to people who find it an important tenet, by treating it so casually.