To be furious with my MIL when she tells my husband my laundry skills are lacking??

[MadWinter]

Hey, my DH and MIL have had a serious chat about all the things the in-laws find very hard to take. The stuff that really worries them. This includes: the mess in the sideroom, grey underpants that used to be white their grandson is wearing, smelly shirts their grandson is wearing to school and the general disarray of our house. I am absolutely furious. What on earth is she thinking. My DH never does anything in the house, and besides, who cares. My household is up to my standards, and yes, sometimes I see stuff that needs to be done differently but either don't know a better solution (the grey underpants are 2 years old, my DS grabs them from the bottom of the pile as he loves them so much, and I have been meaning to throw them away, and yes the smelly shirts sounds awful, but sometimes the room they are drying in is a tad too cold and it takes too long for them to dry and then they have a slight smell, no idea what to do about that really). Anyway, so I don't know a better solution, or, frankly it hasn't been my priority (the mess in the sideroom has been on my to do list for a year, but there's always a leaky tap or a lawn to be mown first). But what on earth is she doing even thinking about this, then commenting on it and discussing it with my DH. And why on earth do I even bother defending myself in my own mind??? Surely this is none of her business. Or should I be grateful someone cares? Should I be grateful someone bothers to let me know? Should I enlist her for advice on what detergent to use and how to hang my laundry??

[winterhill]

Personally I believe the sign of a clean house is the sign of a wasted life. I'd rather spend time on my job and make sure I further my career.

Personally I couldn't care less about cupcakes and the occasionally crumpled shirt

Smelly shirts, white turned to grey undies

You sound like a slob with no care of your or your DS appearence. If I was your MIL I would be alarmed!

[Mosman]

FFS the childs appearance doesn't matter at all tbh, stinky shirt she now knows how to resolve but she is absolutely right to focus her energies on her career rather than house, or have we slipped back to 1950 ?

[winterhill]

Standards are standards whether it is 1950 or 2012!

Yes it does matter about smelly shirts and greying clothes.
I remember a girl in juniour school getting bullied and ignored because she was 'smelly'

There were a couple of children in DS's primary who were classed as 'dirty' by the other children and no matter how hard you try to teach your kids to be accepting and inclusive they will make their own minds up who they play with.

There is nothing wrong with having pride in your appearence.
Nobody is saying that the OP should be doing all the housework or laundry. I'm certainly not.

[urbanproserpine]

Perhaps MIL was in fact having a go a DH and telling him to do his share, but he has wilfully misinterpreted?

Wouldn't be the first time....

[Jingleflobba]

Smelly shirts can be sorted. Greying undies are not the end of the world.
Both DH and DS have a pair of undies that they have learnt to hide from me and put into the washer themselves because they know I would bin them. They are greying which is a pet hate of mine but are apparently 'comfy' and 'well loved'! DS apparently wears his on a weekend or on a day when he doesn't have PE... I gave up about it months ago but they still go to great lengths to make sure I don't get rid of them!
Your DH needs to loosen the apron strings and help you more.

[squeakytoy]

"the mess in the sideroom has been on my to do list for a year, but there's always a leaky tap or a lawn to be mown first"

a year? thats a lot of leaky taps, and I get the feeling that the lawnmower may not get dusted off too frequently...

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

One of my aerobics teachers clothes stink,,that wet dog smell.
Awful.

Don't do that to ds, people will make fun of him.

[Cantbelieveitsnotbutter]

I don't think this slating the op over 1 room is entirely helpful! The rest of the house could be immaculate- you don't know!!! It is hardwork tirelessly picking up after others when they don't help. So perhaps a bit more support ay?

This comes from someone who grew up in one of 'those' houses then suffered 5 years of an abusive relationship where it was used against me.

[GeorginaWorsley]

What is a 'sideroom'?
Never heard that expression before.

[dreamingbohemian]

I'm also wondering what a sideroom is, and whether the MIL complained about it because it's where they have to stay when they visit

And I agree, it's not 1950, which means we have a huge range of time-saving technologies and products and cleaning agencies enabling us to work AND keep a clean house.

I was the smelly kid in my youth. I was led to think laundry was some huge ordeal, I was pretty angry when I grew up and found it takes almost no time at all.

I think adults can live any way they damn please, but I do think it does kids a disservice to raise them in a messy house or with the attitude that cleaning is not really necessary.

[minouminou]

I'm a laundry fascist - everything's separated, and I boil wash cotton whites with an oxygen bleach powder. Mixed fibre whites go in at 40C with oxygen powder and stay white.

What I do notice, though, is that if the clothes are left in the machine for more than a couple of hours after a 40C cycle has finished, they can smell a bit, so I'll have to do the buggers again. A PP mentioned this, so this is one area you could look at, deffo.

Also, how big are your loads? I try to stagger mine, as we don't have a tumble drier, and when the weather's bad it can seem like every radiator's covered with damp clothes. It might be better to do smaller loads so that they'll dry faster.

[goralka]

FFS the childs appearance doesn't matter at all tbh it does to whoever is in charge of CP at the school, trust me, it matters a lot.

[Jingleflobba]

I think a sideroom would be classed as a dining room or second living room? We have a parlour/dining room/playroom/'quick throw it in and close the door' type of room which could probably be described as a side room.

[givemeaclue]

Harness the mils housekeeping skills. "I would love your help whilst you are here mil, let's make a list together of all the things you could help with". Start her on the side room. My mum used to reorganize my house so I left her to it. It was an improvement and she liked doing it. Turn her moaning about stuff into her sorting it out.

And dh needs to start doing his share.

[Mosman]

If there are no other issues CP could be told to get stuffed quite confidently if that's all they have to worry about.

[winterhill]

That's the spirit Mosman

[Mosman]

Well how ridiculous

[goralka]

I know but that's what they are like - appearance is everything.

[Blu]

I am seething on your behalf, OP.

Your MIL has no bloody right to dissect and critique your housekeeping. She has no bloody right to assume that your hosuekeeping is down to YOU and not equally to you and her DS, and your DH should be shoulder to shoulder with YOU, not soaking up a judgemental bitchfest against you from his mother.

Laundry tips are all well and good, but aaaaargh at the number of posters who have addressed their view on the laundry situation forst and foremost.

She may have been a SAHM extraordinaire - you could point out to her and to your DH that that does not qualify her to comment on your (joint) household where you both work outside the home.

To be honest, if my DP joined his MIL in such a 'serious conversation' I would go on complete strike, on the basis of 'don't like it? Do it yourself!'.

[Mosman]

Appearance is only everything when there are other problems i would guess, normal well looked after children can be as scruffy as they like.

[goralka]

no they can't,not round here anyway.

[winterhill]

nor round here gorlaka

Why would you want your child to be the smelly crumpled kid?

[TigerFeet]

I'd love a heated airer, might have to put one on my wishlist.

OP, I have little drying room and no tumble drier. I hang shirts on hangers from a curtain rail, they dry overnight above a radiator. Airers are kept near the radiator too with the window open slightly so that fresh air can get in.

It's a faff but doable, you just have to plan your washing so it can be dried and ironed before your mates come round and gasp in horror at your dh's threadbare undies, teh ones that are too comfy to part with apparently

My mate has a ceiling airer on her landing over the stairs for sheets etc.

Some of dd2's undies are a shade or two darker than white, but that's due to the fact that she's not doing too well in the continence stakes recently and I cba to separate whites and coloureds when I'm washing the resulting laundry mountain. All other washing gets separated, we have enough for whites, mids, darks and bright washes which keeps things looking better for longer.

[TigerFeet]

Oh yes and tell your dh to ignore your MIL when she critisizes you. It's really not on and he should be defending you and doing his bit around the house.

[NoMoreMarbles]

I think YABU not to grab the laundry basket and cart it to MILs house...other than that no. YANBU not even one little bit!

My MIL has tried to comment on my ironing/laundry skills in the past...it was particularly funny when she pulled me up in front of FIL, DH and GMIL as DDs uniform looked creased and had some stains on it and i gleefully told her the uniform DD had on was the one she had expertly laundered the day before... oh how i laughed (inwardly) she shut up promptly and hasnt commented on it since

If your DH has issues he feels compelled to nspeak to MIL about then maybe he should start asking her to come and do all the jobs he feels you are lacking in...or get off his lazy arse and do it himself... either way you get to put your feet up