to be annoyed that we are excluded

[Flojo1979]

Here comes the excuses, so far I've batted them back with good humour but its fading fast.
Been seeing someone on and off for a while, he spends time art mine, with my young kids etc.
Hes off to NEC with his son tomorrow who I havent met.
I just invited myself and DD to go to, as he knows we love motorbikes too.
Cue excuses.
So far we've had 'u know I'm going with DS', to which I replied 'oh sorry for confusion, I meant we all go then u see us and DS, win win, wharves time are u picking me up?' To which he replied 'told u I'm going with DS' to which I replied 'thats fine, can't wait to meet him. What time shall I be ready for' .....
I'm on a hiding to nothing ain't it?
How on earth do I salvage this?

[DontmindifIdo]

so, dispite the fact your relationship isn't stable and long term, you still have made him part of your DD's life, which is rather cruel on her when it's in an "off again" stage, but think he's in the wrong because he is being more sensible and not wanting to introduce a woman with whom he's not in a long term stable relationship to his DS?

OP - he's being a good parent to his DS. That you let him spend time with your DD when you are 'on again, off again' is your mistake, don't assume he's doing anything wrong by not wanting to be as reckless with his child's emotions.

Also, trying to force an introduction that he does'nt want to do by inviting yourself along and then refusing to take the hint when it is made clear to you that you aren't welcome is stupid childish behaviour. You seem to want to score points over your DP more than you want to treat either child in this situation well - how dare you try to force an introduction without giving him time to discuss you and meeting you with his DS, making it in a stressful situation for a whole day at an event the boy has probably been looking forward to going to with his father. Who do you think you are that your need to get your DP to 'prove' he's serious about you is more important than the feelings of his son. And have you thought at all about your DD and how she might feel meeting DPs DS? That might be stressful for her and better not in a strange location?

Or is just about you?

[redskyatnight]

Maybe it's the son that doesn't want to meet you and the guy you're seeing doesn't want to say so in case he hurts your feelings?

[Flojo1979]

shiny they have been divorced for 10 yrs.
tisnot of course I let him see his son alone, he sees him most days, I see him once or twice a wk.

[WorraLiberty]

How long have you been seeing one another?

[DontmindifIdo]

ok, that didn't post at first, so now is largely changed now I've seen the DS is 18, but still, that doesn't mean it's right that the father should be introducing an 'on again, off again' girlfriend to his DS, and you really shouldn't be over sharing your family life with him.

Apologise for trying to force the issue.

Think about whether it's best for your DD to have a man with whom you aren't in a stable relationship in her life.

[EuroShagmore]

The last bloke who pushed me into spending my weekend the way he wanted found himself on the way to Dumpsville rather quickly.

If you have other signs that there is more going on here then perhaps you are right to be worried, but I don't think that him taking his 18 yr old out to perve over bikes for a day is any kind of call for alarm! It's great that they do those sorts of things together.

[aPirateInaPearTree]

on off relationship and you've let him spend with your young kids??

poor things.

[GhostShip]

Is this the fella you went on a date with the other week, or are you the wrong flo?

[Flojo1979]

dontmind your being a twonk. How dare I?
What planet are u on?
How dare you imply I am cruel to my DD. This is the 21st century, women are actually allowed to have male friends. Are u this protective when introducing your DC to friends? Cos to a 3 yo, that's all we are.

[PumpkinPositive]

Have you tried asking when (or if!) he intends to introduce you?

[WorraLiberty]

How long have you been seeing him OP and why is it on/off?

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

I was that protective when my ds's were two and four. I had an on/off relationship with a lovely guy for three years, he saw my children once. While the relationship was a lot of fun and I cared for him a lot, I knew he wasn't 'the one' so he didn't get to be around my kids. It's that simple.

[Flojo1979]

Worra I've known him for 13 yrs. Been seeing him frequently for 12 months tho more as friends until the last month. Met my dad a few wks back when DF babysat and he collected me. Introduced him to my DC about 6 months ago. Always have to put the breaks on him as he appears to adore DD. Yet just feel somewhat disheartened that he is reluctant with me.

[HeirExtensions]

Worra I would hazard a guess at 4/5 months or 7/8 months.

[JustFabulous]

"And now I'm not sure I've got the nerve to follow it through as it seems like there's only one way this will end for me. Badly."

Regardless of the fact that you are being far too pushy you should not be afraid of following through on something you want because you think it will mean something happens that you don't want. The way you went on in the OP was annoying to read nevermind how bad it must hve been to listen too. You made a choice to let your child spend time with mummy's boyfriend even though you are in a solid, committed reltionship. It doesn't mean he has to do the same and tbf i think his way is the right way for now.

[Flojo1979]

There has been a reply to my text for 5 mins now but I darent open it!

[PumpkinPositive]

I've never met my father's bidie in and they've been together over 10 years. Wouldn't e terribly impressed if she tried to muscle in on a trip we'd organised together.

[HeirExtensions]

Oh no was wrong, sorry.

[WorraLiberty]

So you've actually only been seeing him romantically for a month?

[Selim]

If I was looking forward to some one on one time with my mum or my dd or anyone really and a third wheel started pushing in the I would be pissed off. This would include people who I love very much eg if I was doing something with just my sister I wouldn't necessarily want my mum or my DH there too. Sometimes 3 is a crowd and 3 plus little kids is a bigger crowd.

[NoraGainesborough]

Is this the one you had a date with 2 weeks ago.

If so, you were nervous then, but have actually been on and off 'for a while'.

Fact is OP, you have no right to dictate as and when he introduces you to his son. The fact that you have chose to do so, so soon is entirely up to you.

I would be majorly fucked if someone invited themselves out with me when I was having a day alone with dd, and would be really fucked off if they kept ignoring what I was saying and insisting they were coming.

Your behavior is very erratic and, tbh, if I were him I would resolve this by taking a ,massive step away.

[HeirExtensions]

Pumpkin "bidie in" I've not heard that in years

[Flojo1979]

I think I agreed in the original post that I'd screwed up big time and had my doubts about following it through.
What I really want to know is how I should resolve it hopefully without having to admit I was wrong!

[Viviennemary]

How long is a while? He obviously wants to go alone to this exhibition with his son. So I would let it go rather than push yourself on him. He doesn't feel ready for you to meet his son yet it looks like. I think it's worth taking things slowly but don't wait forever!

[JustFabulous]

You "let him see his son alone"?

Oh my.