to think a school party based on Cinderella is sexist and hardly positive promotion of women?

[NewNameForThisThreadOnly]

I've name changed as this will out me.

DD's teacher read Cinderella as the class book last week. She is in Reception. I shuddered when she told me as I'm not a fan of stories where women are judged on their looks (ugly stepsisters, pretty Cinderella) and need to be rescued by a man.

Anyway, one week of reading a book that is morally questionable isn't going to hurt dd so I didn't say anything when the teacher told me at parents evening.

However, dd1 has come home today with a letter informing of a 'Fairytale ball' and the children are encouraged to go dressed as a fairytale character. When I read this, I thought ok, we can try and pick a positive role model for her to go as. However the letter also says the Ball is based on their Cinderella week and on the letter is a picture of (what I think is) the Disney prince and princess from Cinderella in all their finery holding hands. So dd (who has never had any inclinations towards pink and princess tat) now wants only to dress up as a princess and I quote "get married and live happily ever after" [anger]

Honestly I never thought I would be this annoyed but the more I think of it, the more disappointed in her (very nice) teacher . Am I in a time warp? Is this 1974? Shall I just tie dd to the sink now and tell her the brains in her head count for nothing and the way she looks and getting married are all that are important in life?

I'm trying to raise a strong and independent woman. I understand that playing with a barbie and dressing as a princess doesn't prevent me from doing that. But I really don't expect the school to be promoting those outdated ideals.

I am fully prepared to accept IABU, and I actually hope I am so I can let this go, but surely in this day and age they could have found a story where boys and girls are equal and looks don't come into it.

So AIBU? If so, why? If not, would you mention it at school?

[Growlithe]

If your 4 yo really truly believes that she will grow up, marry a prince and become a princess, then unless she knows Kate Middleton I think she doesn't have a grasp on reality.

If, on the other hand, she simply wants to dress up in a sparkly dress for a party, I'd say there is really nothing sinister in that. The princesses in fairy stories aren't the only role models she'll be exposed to in school.

FWIW I also have a 9 yo DD who wanted to be the Little Mermaid when she was 4. Now she wants to be a scientist.

[perplexedpirate]

I think you are right, OP, I wouldn't be impressed either.
I think it's important to separate within this argument the traditional fairy-tales, which I agree are culturally important and very interesting, and the sanitised pretty-pretty Disney versions, which aren't.

[mrskeithrichards]

I liked the princess and the frog girl she was cool

[Doingakatereddy]

If it's female role models we are looking at would it be Hillary Clinton, Ann Sun Kyu Chi (sp) or perhaps Angela Merkel? Great dressing up for a 4 year old

Have a word by all means but not sending a 4 year old dressed up like a princess when all her friends will be sounds very unreasonable

[QuanticoVirginia]

Total over reaction.

Surely the way you bring up your daughter to be a strong and independent role model is by being one yourself ie leading by examplei???

In my house I am the bread winner and fixer of things. If their computer breaks or something needs fixing it's me they come to because they see me do those things (not their Dad). Even he is amazed at my willingness to get a screwdriver out and google a solution as I refuse to pay for anything I can sort out myself.

I am sure a few fairy stories wouldn't counteract what they see going on around them and wearing a bit of pink and pretending to be a princess won't stop them because nuclear scientist or whatever their fancy is if they've got some decent role models in their home.

[thebody]

Tight tape really good post and do true.

Op I do see your point, even as a mom of 2 really girly princess's dds. Who would have loved this.

Fast forward to teenage years and woe betide any bloke messing them around.

She is little and will grow out of it.

[ThePerfectFather]

I have a question - when growing up, did all the women on this forum somehow manage to dodge all the fairytales and sexist crap that went unremarked and uncontested in it's day? If not, how on Earth do you explain yourself now? How did YOU make it through the gauntlet of sexist imagery? How did YOU make it through that trial by fire?

How can you call yourself a "strong, independent woman" if, apparently, a few fairytales at school will turn you into an airhead?

Or are you saying that we need to dump Cinderella because future generations of women will suddenly be powerless to resist it's corrupting influrence - despite being RAISED by women who explain about female role models and are in fact role models themselves?

[dementedma]

Think you need to get a grip op.
My two dds loved fairy tales and all that stuff - Aladdin and Jasmine, Cinderella etc.
they are now 22 and 19 - independent, smart and feisty who take no crap from anyone and know what their value is.
Get over yourself and stop projecting your issues onto your daughter.

[curlypoo]

YABU - massive over thinking and clearly not enough going on in your little head that you have given to much effort to drastically and willfully misinterpreting something which is a very very small moment in your child's long life. Just please get a grip and for goodness sake's don't go on about it in the playground. Just enjoy, it really isn't that important.

[MurderOfGoths]

"Have a word by all means but not sending a 4 year old dressed up like a princess when all her friends will be sounds very unreasonable"

But that's it isn't it? Letting little girls know that they must be princesses or be left out/wrong?

"Surely the way you bring up your daughter to be a strong and independent role model is by being one yourself ie leading by examplei???"

It'd be great if parents were the only ones with any influence over how their kids grow up, but they aren't. Society and peer pressure also play a role.

[Greensleeves]

I agree with you OP

Fairytale princesses are appalling role models

I don't have a girl, but I do teach them and I would really baulk at this.

And I would say some people on this thread are wilfully underthinking it!

[MurderOfGoths]

"How can you call yourself a "strong, independent woman" if, apparently, a few fairytales at school will turn you into an airhead?"

It's about the bigger picture. Disney Princesses being aspirational is a symptom of a much bigger issue in society. And it may not have affected us, but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect others. Should we not worry about them because we are alright? Also do you think this small selection of MN users is representative of the majority of women? Or in fact men? Because boys are also being brought up with the princess imagery, this idea that girls should be demure, pretty, and need to be rescued.

[Hulababy]

It's just one topic out of many she will encounter at school. Traditional tales is one of the literacy themes. There will be many many others. By the time she has heard the next story and done activities focusing on it she'll have moved on - any messages you think she will be picking up now will be transplanted in a matter of days/weeks with a new topic.

[CaliforniaLeaving]

I'd dress her ans Princess Merida from Brave, she's one feisty Princess who slings arrows and defends her country.
Maybe watch the movie with her.

[Greensleeves]

There are plenty of traditional tales that don't push an agenda of female passivity through Hula. It's not necessary to expose little girls to this agenda as part of their education.

[CurrentBun]

And the fairytale should end ...

and they all lived happily ever after ...she left the bastard."

[Sirzy]

I am sure people could find a problem with every story if they really wanted to!

as long as its part of a balanced curriculum then its fine. If they only look at similar books then I could see your point.

[MrsHoarder]

But that's it isn't it? Letting little girls know that they must be princesses or be left out/wrong?

It would also be mean to send her into school dressed up as a cat if there was a "dog" themed dressing up day. Nothing to convince children that they need to fit in like having them stick out and be mocked.

[Viewofthehills]

Let her enjoy being a princess for the day. It will do her no harm.
I say that as someone who bought my daughter all unisex (ie boys) clothes until she was about 3 when she discovered pink. I then caved in a bit and we had a lot of pink for a few years. She wouldn't be seen dead in it now.
I think it is better to let her get the princess thing out of her system and you'll find she moves on pretty quickly to something else. On the other hand if you resist it may become more of an obsession.
I also think you should tell your daughter she looks nice when she does, because the default is she will think she is ugly. You should equally tell your son, of course. You may think looks don't matter, but actually they do, and everyone should learn to take pride in their appearance.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

when growing up, did all the women on this forum somehow manage to dodge all the fairytales and sexist crap that went unremarked and uncontested in it's day I had a scary 1970s feminist, artist DM so it was challenged in it's day for me. I have in my possession a book I wrote about a girl who makes Prince Charles form the Princes' Trust after he proposes to her and she decides to start her own business instead I was an annoying child.

I think that on an individual level, in my younger years, I did want to have a man, get married, have a happy ever after. I did expect a partner to know what I was thinking and for things to be easy because love should be. I do think these ideas permeate society. Women earn less, there is still DV and rape. I don't think Disney Princesses CAUSE that but I don't think they help.

[LittlemissChristmas]

Oh FFS OP.
she is a little girl.
It's christmas = panto season
Its just a fairy tale I'm sure by the time she is 16 and you have drummed your feminist views into her she will realise that she is not a princess, there is no Prince Charming and not always a happy ever after but why shouldn't they think there is while they can.

[Growlithe]

Because boys are also being brought up with the princess imagery, this idea that girls should be demure, pretty, and need to be rescued.

And girls are brought up with superheroes, so they are all going to be disappointed aren't they - unless they have the ability to take it all for what it is, a fantasy.

[NewNameForThisThreadOnly]

curlypoo "clearly not enough going on in your little head" - Is this how you normally talk to people? I have to say, I'm pleased you are not an influence on my dc. And god help yours, if you have any.

There are posters on here who have voiced exactly what I'm trying to say far more eloquently that I could, so thank you to them. They have understood exactly what it is that I'm trying to say.

I think I will have to seethe quietly about it though (rather than mention it at school) and use the links and examples given above with dd.

I would just ask some posters though, if you ignore every negative role model that is put in front of your dc, and write it off as 'overthinking', how do you think your dc will learn to question society and know the positive from the negative when they encounter it?

[Sirzy]

There is a differences between ignoring something and educating them about the other options. Ignoring something achieves nothing, teaching them to tackle it is the only way it can have any effect.

Children need to be taught to question things, they can only do that if they are aware of the things in the first place.