To take DD to see my parents every Sunday?

[UndercoverWriter]

DH has been a regular Sunday league cricketer since before we got married 10 years ago, as a result Sunday became my day to visit my parents - going round about midday and staying for dinner so getting home about 7.30pm (DH out from about 12.30 pm and usually home between 8-9pm).

This has continued since DD (now 8) was born and is fine in the summer months, but when the cricket season is over it becomes a huge bone of contention in the winter.

I still visit my parents with DD every Sunday, but usually from about 11am - 3/3.30pm, so we're home in time to spend some time together and have a Sunday dinner. I feel this is a reasonable compromise on my part - my parents are in their 70's and my daughter and I are the only family they have.

DH thinks we shouldn't go to visit them every week as he is around and we could spend the time together. I think it's unfair to expect me to drop them just because he has 'nothing better to do'. He would never agree to miss a cricket game so we could have family time during the summer months (I have asked - DD's birthday fell on a Sunday a few years ago and I wanted to have her party on the actual day but it clashed with a match .

So, what's the MN verdict? I'm generally quite laid back but I really don't feel inclined to back down over this.

Am a regular btw - name changed!

[eragon]

am so a cricket widow and the football season , so footie widow as well.

I have rensented the vast majority of this. so now as the kids are older, I feel free to walk out the door and leave him to it.

[ivykaty44]

It does really seem that it is your dh with the problem

Your dh doesn't like your parents.
he doesn't welcome them into his own home.
he doesn't want you spending time with your parents when he isn't busy with the cricket.

I would suggest that he comes up with a solution that suits you all, as life isn't just about him

[StuntGirl]

I think the posters suggesting the OP cuts back on family visits are missing the point - just because you wouldn't see your family so regularly doesn't mean others feel the same.

I see my family every few months, because they're idiots and that's the best we can manage. My partner sees his family every week, because they live much closer, we get on well and its nice to go and see them.

Just because I see my family less doesn't mean he should! And I wouldn't for a minute suggest he should.

[KellyEllyChristmasBelly]

YANBU. He wants everything on his terms. Tell him to stop being a selfish twat.

[diddl]

"I think the posters suggesting the OP cuts back on family visits are missing the point"

Well unless OP is able to stop her husband playing cricket so much-& in my mind he should have wanted to ease of at least when he became a father-then how are they to have time together as a family?

Unless OP doesn´t want that.

[BobblyGussets]

OP, do you get on well with your DH? Does he have any good points? The relationship you are describing would not be good enough for me. I would rather be on my own. Sorry. You sound nice though.

[DontmindifIdo]

DeWe - I understand you make a commitment to a team, but I tend to think if you have DCs, your commitment to them comes first, so if your sport isn't compatable with family life, then you give it up because the DCs come first. Unless the rest of the family are involved with the cricket team, it's not a 'family friendly' sport.

[beingagoodmumishard]

how much family time do the 3 of you get together?

In the summer months do you spend time together on the Saturdays? Would it be possible for your DH to give up some Sundays (are there always reserves in the team)? I certainly think a compromise is in order, nice as it is for DD (and you) to have time with your parents I would have thought it was more important that the 3 of you have time together, not always going somewhere, just chilling at home can be good

[UndercoverWriter]

DH and I both work largely school hours, mostly term time only (he does more hours in term time, I do a few hours a week during the hols), so we are not short of family time on the whole.

Bobbly we have a lot of ups and downs. He is not all bad, I am far from perfect. We've never had a massive amount in common in terms of hobbies and interests but that hasn't caused many problems as we have both respected each others right to have the space and time to pursue them independently.

I have felt for a while now that he is paying 'lip service' to that to some degree, and really wants to do what he likes whilst expecting to to fit in with whatever he wants when he is around.

And obviously it is tricky as DD is getting older and we need to try and find things we can all do as a family. I do try suggesting things but generally get a 'we'll see' or 'maybe' or an excuse as to why we can't (usually money or distance).

Re the holidays - to be fair part of the Mon-Fri aspect has been down to finances and the nature of the holidays we've had but obviously he likes the fact that he doesn't have to miss out. We went further afield this year and he wanted to go Mon-Sat, but I put my foot down and did get a Sunday out of him. Weather not withstanding I honestly can't remember him missing another match and he was in a foul mood for much of the day.

[UndercoverWriter]

Incidentally, whilst DD may well change as she gets older at the moment she is 8 and loves every minute of the time she spends with her grandparent - there are tears if we can't go (i.e. if one of us is or my P's are ill).

She enjoys spending time with the IL's too, especially FIL as they share a hobby.

[EugenesAxe]

Hmmm... initially I was a bit in-betweeny on this, because parents & children time is important. However, I think his absolute doggedness about not missing his cricket matches is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. I don't like his 'my way or highway' attitude (like KellyElly, actually).

I don't think he can expect this from you if he's not willing to relax his attitude even a small amount e.g. the DD's birthday example.

His outlook aside, I do think it seems a little excessive to make it a regular weekly fixture (except in the summer - presumably it's a bit of a break for you then too). My folks usually see me and the GCs once a week, but a proper meal with all of us probably only happens once every month or two.

[Startail]

They must be wonderful GP's or home must be very boring.

I saw my every six weeks, ie every school holiday without fail and I guess at 8 that was just about OK.

By the time I was 10 and allowed off cycling on my own it certainly was not OK. I wanted to be at home in my world.

May be GPs are better if you don't have to stay there?

I should add I still miss my Grandpa especially he was lovely.

[Fairenuff]

The thing is OP, when you are single, you only have to consider yourself. You can do what you want, when you want within your budget. You don't have to think about what others want or need in their relationships, you can work late, go out every night, lounge around at weekends, play video games all night, join as many clubs and sport teams as you like.

When you have a partner and/or children all that changes. You have a responsibility to think of others and to compromise. Your dh is still behaving as if he is single. And this has gone on for years you say.

[amarylisnightandday]

Yanbu. It's not really about what you and dd do on Sundays it could be anything but he should either come with you or stop whining if he won't give up cricket.

Exp went away to work for weeks at a time and expected me to drop routine stuff/activities when he was at home just so I could be available at all times - which would be fine if he was offering a day out or done other quality faking time but he wasn't. So I refused to miss swimming/baby yoga/whatever.

[UndercoverWriter]

They must be wonderful GP's or home must be very boring.

Gee thanks Startail!

Their home is considerably less chaotic than ours and since they are both retired they are able to give her lashings of undivided attention when we visit (I am lucky to get a look in with my mum unless I pop round on my own!). I've no doubt that from DD's perspective it makes a refreshing change from a permanently harassed mum trying to juggle work, housework, cooking, shopping, school runs and all the usual faff that goes with primary school aged children.

[Startail]

That I can see. I like visiting calmer households or even more chaotic ones when the mess isn't mine.

Also, as I said, I had to stay at my GPs which is different. A lot more time to be bored and miss your toys and your bike and your own room.

[PopMusicShoobyDoobyDoA]

I don't blame you that you are so fed up of it. I think I would be too - more at his unreasonableness to compromise even a tiny bit rather than his hobby.

It does sound as well that he feels left out from the lovely close relationship that you, your DD and parents have. Not that you are shutting him out, but that he has shut himself out because you have said that parents have tried to reach out to him (sorry, I hate that phrase but I can't think of any other way to say it). He probably feels all listless at home because he is thinking about how you are all having a great time without him. It's jealousy on his part and a bit of woe betide me kind of thing. He actually does not realise that he has created this situation himself.

BTW, I know exactly what you mean about DGPs only thinking about and playing and talking to their DGC. Mine are exactly the same - it's ok though because I get on my mum's ipad.

[Bubblegum78]

I have read your posts and IMO, you are right, he is wrong. xx

[2kidsintow]

So it's ok for him to jolly off for his cricket and leave you to your own devices in the season, but when he isn't playing you have to stick around?

Tell him to sod off. If he wants 'family time' - then he could suck it up and go with you.

I take my DDs to see their GPs every Sunday. My DH doesn't want to go, so he doesn't and he has 'me' time when we do. The only difference is we don't go for a meal, but just for an hour or two mid afternoon.