MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

[toomanydaisies]

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

[diddl]

If I´m ever a GM, I hope to get on well enough with a DIL to discuss things.

But an Advent Calendar is the sort of innocuous thing you might just see & buy thinking-"oh the GC will love that.

Trouble is you have to remember that you are, as MIL-in line behind DIL & her mum!

[blackeyedsusan]

check the date on them. they may have a rrealy long date...and last forr next year. (experience) and then you can use it as briberry though the year.

thank mil and do not make a big deal of it.. next year you may feel different... if mil asks, just say you had bought an advent calander and you ae keeping the chocolate fo next year when dc2 is big enough, and you ae sure they will really love it and of course you did not want to give it to one without th eother as you are sure she did not want youngest dc to be upset and ... blah did blah...

as long as you are positive and thank her she iwll find it hard(er) to strop...

[frantic51]

toomanydaisies, fwiw I don't think YABU. I never, ever, ever would buy edible presents for anyone's DC if they are aged under 16. In my house, like your sil's, chocolate was always a special treat and I wouldn't have wanted them to be having chocolate every day. Actually, if your mil knew that those gc were not allowed chocolate on a daily basis then she is the one being, "controlling" and she deserved to have it handed back.

[OddBoots]

A dear friend of mine has been quite upset because her parents died without knowing their grandchildren and ill health (and since, death) has prevented her in-laws being very involved. She herself grew up an only child but one who had adults around who cared for her and made her feel part of a wider family and she wanted this for her own children.

They have intentionally chosen god-parents (and I count myself blessed in being one of them) who want to make the little gestures with the children to give them that extended network of love and that includes things like advent calendars.

For what it's worth I buy chocolate (and sometimes toy based) advent calendars for loads of people including my parents, grandma, brother and various single friends because I love the idea that one gift can be a reminder for 25 days that someone cares for them.

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

My family buy DD an advent calendar. When she was 2 weeks old she got given a chocolate one. I thanked them, and ate it. Every year since she's been given one by either my DM or my DSis. Would I like to be able to choose DD's advent calendar, yes, but it's not worth getting het up over. I get to be there and open it with her. Besides, they always buy nice ones with good chocolate in. None of my family would try taking over her stocking though, and if anyone tried taking charge of DD's birthday cake, I would be irrationally pissed off!

[OldMumsy]

As others have said on other threads, I hope the OP has put a grip on their Christmas list.

[Bananapickle]

I think YANBU and I don't think the real issue is the chocolate. I have a 21 month old DD and my DH and I are thinking about the traditions we want to start with her. Growing up there were a few things we always did as a family (including a specific type of advent calender) and we still talk about them. Family traditions are important and some can be inclusive of the wider family but some should stay within the core.
OP if you want your advent calender to be one of your traditions then go for it. This year you may have to let it slide but maybe have the conversation with your MIl and explain why you don't want them to have other calendars. Also may be suggest some other thing she could do that is special for the GC at Christmas that will become her 'thing' for them.

[Tinkerisdead]

But no-ones saying mum/mil cant buy a present for the kids. Get them a decoration for the tree that they can treasure when they are grown. Or a bloody dancing snowman that'll irritate mummy but thrill the child. Or a chocolate reindeer or whatever. But with an advent calender or a stocking or visiting santa how hard is it to say "can i get them their calender/santa sack/stocking/visit to santa this year?" because these are the bits that parents relish in their choosing etc.

[StanleyLambchop]

I am going against the majority to say YANBU. Infact you could be me. I have had this with PIL, they bought the first calender the first year- in October, I was looking forward to choosing one for my PFB but had not got it early enough so they got there first. Trouble is, once the GPs have presented something to the kids, anything after that from someone else is just disappointing, in a 'I've already got one of those' type way. So I did not get to choose one myself, something which a few people have said, gives some Mums great enjoyment.

Trouble is, they then decided that it was their tradition to get the advent calender- so they did, every year for 5 years!!! My Mum had the audacity to buy one for my dcs one year, they were very huffy and turned it into 'competitive calendering', trying to get the children to like theirs better.

Only you know your MIL and whether this scenario is likely, but I had to back you up as I thik you are getting a roasting, purely for wanting to enjoy your childrens christmas's while they are young. As someone has already said, they have had their chance at parenting, now they need to stand back a bit and let you enjoy the special times.

[deXavia]

See could be us but advent calendars are just not a big deal in our house ... Now anyone interfere with my Christmas Eve movie and I'll kill them
Seriously did she know you wanted advent calendars to be "your" tradition? Did you say in October or whenever "- I'd like to do this as a tradition in my family" . If not how was she to know? Next time just say and make sure you have a fall back of ... "But it would be lovely if you could do this..." so as grandmother she builds her own tradition.

[LadyMargolotta]

this is the advent calender you need, to help you relax a bit about it

(I'd quite like one too!)

[OldMumsy]

OddBoots, quite. It's the love and thought that counts. They are lucky that they have family that cares and are still alive.

[SantasComingFace]

I haven't read all posts, but it's chocolate!

I really don't get why people are reluctant to give it to their kids

My MIL annoys the hell out of me but this wouldn't be a thing to piss me off. Saying that MY Mil is likely to buy one for her house so DS is bugging to go there everyday.

But an advent calendar really isn't a big deal.

[marchwillsoonbehere]

YANBU (has this been overrun by Gransnet?)


I am paying you the compliment of assuming you are joking Eugene because otherwise this will rank as one of the most unpleasant remarks on this thread. Most grans were mums in the not too distant past (in fact a lot of them still are) but they have the benefit of 'been there, done that, got the tee shirt'

As for me, threads like this make me blush to my roots because they are an all too uncomfortable reminder of what a territorial DiL I was!

[Tinkerisdead]

Yes yes to their own thing! My mum regales me with stories of going to the panto with her nan then for tea. So this year as dd1 is old enough to get it, ive asked if she'd like to take dd to the panto as it will carry on her own treasured tradition. (altho it must have skipped a generation as i wasnt taken!)

[Sokmonsta]

I think yab a little u and its probably a small thing to pick out in what may be a fraught dil/mil relationship generally.

My 2 eldest dc's have 3 advent calendars!!!! I'm sure the babies will too when it comes to next year. But it doesn't bother me that both sets of grandparents get them one as well as I. All we do is leave them at the respective grandparents houses. We see them a couple of times a week so the dc's open the doors one at a time at our house, and to the correct day at their grandparents houses. Grandparents get to share in their joy of the treat, my house isn't over-run with calendars. Kids are happy because every few days they get a little more chocolate than normal from their calendar. During those periods I tend not to give them other sweets too much though.

At 4 and 2 they know advent calendars are a treat, certain types of chocolate are a treat - coins etc. but I strongly feel that by restricting their access too much, it makes it a forbidden food they are more likely to over-eat as they get older.

[CailinDana]

I wish someone would buy me an advent calendar :(

[marchwillsoonbehere]

Margolotta

I want one of those!!! Alas they are out of stock! Can't imagine why!

[OldMumsy]

LadyMargolotta they do a whisky one too. Sends order off.....

[OldMumsy]

marchwillsoonbehere
www.masterofmalt.com/gin/drinks-by-the-dram/the-ginvent-calendar-gin/

[toomanydaisies]

ladymargolotta YES PLEASE!!! That is GENIUS!

[marshmallowpies]

I loved picture advent calendars as a child and would have been genuinely disappointed if I'd been given a chocolate one instead of a picture one- the chocolate is usually nasty cheap stuff anyway. That's not to say if I'd been given both, I wouldn't have eaten the chocolate...but I would have been sad not to have a picture one.

In fact, I liked advent calendars so much I kept my favourite ones and reopened them every year....ending up with 4 or 5 to be opened every morning. This may be slightly OTT but as posters have said below, your family traditions will develop over time and you may end up with a child like me still clinging stubbornly to last years' calendar!

[EnjoyResponsibly]

My DS has 3 because I and both his grandmothers buy them.

Frankly, trying to stop either grandmother would be like trying to hold back the tide, and as their adoration of DS transcends any efforts I make to control Christmas I have conceded its just better to let than all get on with it.

But DS doesn't like chocolate so that gets thrown away eaten by me, and I buy a Playmobil one.

[Lesbeadiva]

I want that gin advent calander too! Inspired!

[marchwillsoonbehere]

Anyway anyway anyway, I am very lucky with my DiL has she has only two areas of dissatisfaction with me: everything I say and everything I do. (Ithink she has taken lessons from my mother!)