MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

[toomanydaisies]

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

[vvviola]

I think we'll have 3 advent calendars to deal with this year.

My Mum has bought one (fine)
MIL will probably buy one (fine)
But MIL also bought one for DD last year. In January. DD is a bit focused on the fact that it was an advent calendar, so for the first time ever where chocolate is concerned refused to eat it. She has, however, not forgotten it.

Thankfully DD2's allergies mean we shouldn't have the over-chocolating dilemma for her.

I'm just biting my lip.

As for the "Santa comes to MILs house too", that is proving a little more complex and frustrating

[marriedinwhite]

Actually OP; next year you just say "are you going to buy the advent calendars again?" and if the answer's yes then you need to buy any. You can also kindly manipulate a bit; like saying how they loved the advent calendars but how often you forgot the choc before the teeth cleaning and felt so mean not letting them have the choc on the way out and how it might have been easier not to have had choc/sweetie ones.

But for right now your thanks have to be effusive otherwise you will teach a family tradition of bad manners.

[pigletmania]

Yabvvvu and ott. I used to eat my babies chocolate when she got a chocolate one from SIL. Why can't your ds have the calendar alongside your one, it's only one tiny chocolate!

[trumpton]

Do you know what ? toomanydaises I am a grandmother and a MIL and a DIL and I totally agree with you .
I do not like chocolate advent character calenders , the chocolate is crap cheap chocolate type stuff and the pictures are garish .
We have always had traditional advent calenders and I think it is the parents priveledge to choose which type they like .

When our children were small they made chocolate coin trees by hanging them on decorated branches stuck into pots . 24 pennies one for each day . But that was our tradition in our time . Build your own she has had her time to do hers .

[toomanydaisies]

thedoctorswife thank you. That's it exactly. I just want to do the Mum stuff while they're little!

[forevergreek]

I can understand op. it's not a little but if chocolate really though is it as its a piece every day for a month. I also would t want a 1 year old who has never eaten any to suddenly have some everyday. In portion size for a one year old it is big

[Mosschopz]

I don't blame you. We always had the picture type and loved the build up to Christmas opening the boxes each day. It's exciting enough without the need for chocolate. I'll be doing the same with my DS (2) too. All the 1YO will learn is it's ok to eat chocolate for breakfast every day!

[Rottenluck]

YANBU. I remember the excitement of guessing what was behind the door, I loved it as a child. Then i grew up and wanted chocolate ones but it is the picture ones i remember. I would also expect my MIL to check with me first, my feeling is that my two are too young at 4 and 1 for chocolate ones. The one year old does have the odd bit of chocolate but I don't want her to have it every day. I think you have to allow there to be traditions that your MIL will be part off, but I don't think you are unreasonable to not want them to have chocolate calendars yet. I'd give the 5 year old hers after lunch or dinner and probably forget about the other one.

[mrskeithrichards]

What if your mum bought them one?

[CagneyNLacey]

I can't believe people are actually this arsed about chocolate advent calendars.

[Crikeyblimey]

My ds's grandma died this year. He doesn't get to have any gifts from her forever now :(. Get a grip and stop trying to control everything. Ffs let the woman treat her grandchildren once in a while. Life is too bloody short to be so uppity about such things. Christmas is a time for sharing.

[juule]

Toomanydaisies "I think that if any thought had gone into it I'd be a lot more grateful"

While maybe not too much thought has gone into the type of advent calendar, you can't say there wasn't any thought. At the time the calendars were bought she was thinking about your children (her grandchildren).

[AngelWreakinHavoc]

Yabu! It is a lovely gesture from your mil. I read these threads and become so worried sometimes that I have 3 sons, having dil's like yourself and your sil sounds like my worst nightmare

[Lesbeadiva]

Crikey. My kids usually end up with about three choc calanders each and we have a non choc one. They love it all! And we have an elf who clauses trouble and sometimes leaves sweets. I think YABU. It is one month. Chocolates in our house get eaten before teeth cleaning. But if they have more than one, they save the others for after dinner. If you don't want to give the one year old it, then that's absolutely fair enough, you eat it!

Having extras will not detract from traditions that you want.

[toomanydaisies]

trumpton chocolate coin trees! Genius! I might do that with my dc in a few years - my 5 year old would LOVE that!

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

Haha my MIL told DD last christmas that FC comes to her's and FIL house too (which is why all their presents said "love father christmas" on them ) To which DD (then aged 4) gave her gran a most pitying look and said "aww Grandma dont be silly now! Ofcourse he doesnt go to your house. He only visits children!" MIL spluttered and looked confused and insisted he had and DD simply said "that must have been Grandad you saw then, dressed up like Fater Christmas". She then made a point of thanking both of her grandparents with every present she opened

FWIW I don't get why father christmas would visit 2 different houses (180 miles apart no less) to leave presents for the same 2 children I did try to warn MIL DD may not buy it but she was having non of it. Incidently, neither was DD!

[Borntobeamum]

Yabu.
You only want them to have 1 to open to keep it special?
Surely having a nana who loves them is even more special.
I bet millions of families would love to have caring grandparents.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Threads like this make me dread becoming a grandparent as it seems you cant win. Buy a present for the grandchildren and its wrong, not dropping everything to babysit and you are selfish etc.

She did something sweet for the grandchildren, many woud love their childrento have such nice grandparents. I hope the same rules apply to you and that you check all gifts prior to purchasing.

[CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz]

And no, my Mother a) Wouldn't bother, and b) would understand because we discuss these things BEFORE she does them.

[toomanydaisies]

To reassure you - mil is staying with us for Christmas. She has no idea I'm annoyed about the advent calendar. Or anything else.

I'm always kind to her. She loves her gc. She also annoys me sometimes and I vent on here because I can't in rl!

[CagneyNLacey]

Can't believe your sil gave hers back! How incredibly obnoxious

[toomanydaisies]

My sil's children are 8 and 10. But she doesn't let then have chocolate unless its a special treat. Yes it was rude to give them back but my mil KNOWS those gc are not allowed chocolate. So it was a brave present for her to give!

[CarefullEugene]

YANBU (has this been overrun by Gransnet?)

Chocolate Advent Calenders had n't been invited when I was little, so it was all the fun of a picture of a robin behind the door.

One year I got to cook, shop & clean along with supervising a 4 & 2 year old given a cheap advent calender from each GP side. The relentless questioning of when they could have the next chocolate - the answer was always after breakfast, meant that a week in they had the most memorable breakfast ever.

Yes I had the tantrum and they all the chocs to eat in one go. The chocolate was generally agreed to not be as nice as the special treat frog bar and we focus went back to Advent which is about preparing for the upcoming festival, not extending the present thing for 31 days.

YANBU pick your battles give them/bin them all in one go.

[fragola]

YANBU I hate chocolate advent calendars. Humbug.

[katiecubs]

If I was your kids I would much prefer your MIL's traditions. I hated picture advent calendars as a kid!

As for your SIL ?!?!!?