to be a bit surprised that 11 year olds had school lesson involving putting a condom on a banana?

[Mintyy]

So this is a Year 7 class in a local academy.

Aibu to think that they are still a wee bit too young for this?

[Fillybuster]

We had our sex ed class in biology at the beginning of yr 7. I was 10, in an all girls school.

It was very frank and our teacher was scarily open with us about what she did at home with her husband (including telling us that it is ok to have sex during your period). Then we watched an insemination film, learnt all about conception and watched a childbirth video.

This had 2 main consequences:

1. I was well informed before I 'needed' the information, and got over all the giggling, silly stuff and wrote my homework up properly, so understood the mechanics.
   

1. Parent/Teacher evenings were never quite the same for my parents, once they knew some of the details of my biology teacher's personal life!
   

I don't remember doing much any emotional or legal stuff at school at that stage - it was mainly the mechanics - all the other important stuff then followed over the following few years.

By 14/15 when a large number (not all) were sexually active, we were reasonably well informed and understood the available contraceptive options. Thats not to say everyone applied their knowledge (14 yr olds are amazingly stupid) and I had a fair few 'split condom' and morning after moments along the way, but at least I and my friends understood what we were dealing with on a physical level, even if we were emotionally under-developed.

In short, YABVVVVU

[ISingSoprano]

My dc's school do a 7 week course in PSHE in year 9. Nearly all of it is about relationships. One lesson is about contraception (what it is as well as where to get it) and part of that is about how to put on a condom. The fact is, for most of the students, year 9 is still too early (thankfully) but as most have already said, it's far better to educate them about condoms and contraception before it becomes an issue for them.

As a GP surgery we work quite closely with the school. Last year two of our doctors did a session with year 10 students about embarassing bodies. In planning the session we carried out an anonymous questionnaire with the year group to guage which topics to cover. Many of the students had forgotton what they had been taught in year 9 about contraception. So, yes, great to teach about it early but it also needs to be revisited!

[Latara]

Not shocking because i had classmates that first had sex aged 11.

Would be better to use a proper model of a penis - it may put the kids off having sex too young hopefully!

[Latara]

So yes, YABU to think 11 is too young to get educated about condoms.

However, they need education about relationships & how to say 'no' too.

[PoppadomPreach]

Good post sashh

[timetosmile]

DS is also yr7 and they are doing the condom-banana thing this term too.
What concerns me is not that they are being told about contraception and the prevention of STIs - forewarned is forearmed.

But isn't anyone else bothered that the mechanics of condom use seems to be taught in a vaccuum?

That the 'ideal' place for sex is a trusting, loving relationship?

That the statistics on unwanted pregnancies, STIs etc show that the earlier you lose your virginity, the poorer your future sexual health will be (statistically)?

That most people who lost their virginity younger than 16 now regret it and wished they'd hung on a bit longer?

That the statistics aren't being presented as 'the majority of young people wait until they are over 16 and in a trusting relationship', but rather, 'lots of people have sex really young'

Context is everything.

[Felicitywascold]

Timeto I don't understand your post? Are you saying that the things on your list aren't being taught?

Because most of it reads the same as my classes syllabus.

[timetosmile]

felicity I'm really genuinely glad to hear it, but a bit surprised to be honest, because it doesn't seem to be the message that's getting home. The peer pressure is enormous, certainly by 13,14yrs and I very rarely hear a 'waiting is better' message through the 'OMG guess who's having sex' clamour.

[whistlestopcafe]

Sex education should start early and as long as the putting a condom on a banana exercise is repeated as they get older I don't have a problem with it.

However I personally do not feel that our high rate of teenage pregnancies is because of a lack of sex education. A lot of my peers were having unprotected sex at 14. Some got pregnant and some were lucky. Everyone knew about contraception and they all knew that it was likely that they would get pregnant if they continued. The problem was that a lot of the boys refused to wear condoms and a lot of the girls didn't even want to be having sex but didn't have the self esteem to say no. A lot of the boys were not ready for sex either but were told they were "gay" if they didn't lose their virginity.

[gordyslovesheep]

A few points

Most under 16s aren't shagging like rabbits

School do discuss waiting until 16

School and family planning orgs always discuss waiting, talking to family and risk to under 16s

A child of 12 and under can not consent to sex under our laws

Some children will engage in sex before 16 ...knowing this and giving them information does not equate with condoning it.

At least the bananas can be peeled and eaten so no waste

[SoggySummer]

I have to say I have heard of these practical before but only a couple of years ago - my best friend who has slightly older DC and has a very liberal view to sex etc told me - and said she had been relatively taken back by it when her DD came home and filled her in on the all the gossip and hysteria the class had apparently had.

At this school they did not use fruit and veg but proper plastic cocks that screw (pardon the pun) onto the edge of the desks ready for condom practice.

I am 40 and at my school all we got sex ed wise was diagrams in books and on the black board, the most practical it got was passing various forms of contraception around the classroom - which flew around the class at lightening speed because we were all too giggly and silly to look at these things and ask questions. There was a cartoon with cartoon green germs swinging from the underarm hair explaining about puberty and the need for personal hygiene. There was also apparently a film of someone giving birth (I missed it I was off sick that day). Sex ed at our school was pretty shit but everyone seemed to know about contraception etc. But still from yr 8 to year yr 11 the number of girls in my class diminished as more and more left to have babies and there were rumours about others having had terminations.

To be fair, if you have never heard of these modern practical sex ed lessons and you had something similar to what I had at school then its no surprise some parents are shocked when their DC come home and tell them they have been practicing putting condoms on.

I have mixed views. Firstly I am happy to chat away with my kids about sex and pretty much anything else but in all honesty it would not occur to me to teach them how to put a condom on a cock. Not because I am a prude or embarrassed - it just wouldnt occur to me to do something that practical. So on that aspect I am more than happy the school does this. I do wonder though that as much as information is a wonderful thing - if some pre teens feel pressure to certain degree to engage in sexual relationships - not solely because of these lessons but because of society today as whole and the addition of these lessons. Its not something I feel overtly strongly about so I would not oppose my DC having these lessons at all, but it is something I do think about.

[Dahlen]

I am close to 40. In my year at school, even allowing for those who claimed to be sexually active but weren't, I'd say about 30% of girls were having sex by the age of 13. Well over half by the age of 15. I thought the average age for a girl to lose her virginity these days was about 13.

The trouble with sex ed is that in a perfect world it would be unnecessary, because no child would want to do it before the age of consent and all parents would have lengthy, informed discussions with their children about sexual health and safety and emotional wellbeing. But it's not a perfect world, is it. And we would be failing the very many children who don't get this support from any other source if we withdraw it from schools.

My DC knew the biology of sex and how babies were created by the age of 5, including the various body part names and the egg and sperm bit. Obviously their understanding was a little bit different to your average year 7's, but IMO if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to be given an age-appropriate explanation.

Exposing children to porn (the average age of that is also 11 ) and the constant sexualisation of our society are far more worrying to me than sex education in schools, though sex ed could be used to far greater effect to counteract some of the highly damaging messages directed at our youth through these means IMO.

Before industrialisation, most children of a surprisingly young age (bar the aristocracy) would have been completely au fait with the mechanics of sex. It's not going to traumatise them. We need to concentrate far more on contraception, STI prevention and why it's perfectly ok to say no either to an act that makes you uncomfortable or to having sex at all.

[honeytea]

I don't understand why everyone thinks that waiting till they are 16 is so very important, I would say that what is more important is that young people have sex in loving relationships. I had sex under 16 and it was a lovely experience, I have always taken sex very seriously and have never regretted any of the (handful) of sexual partners I have had. I have friends who waited till they were at uni but then slept with many many men and regretted on an almost weekly basis their sexual exploits. I know there are inbetweens but personally I would prefere my kids to have sex at 14/15 and be sure it is what they want and be in a relationship than have sex at 18/19 and do it because it is expected of them or they were drunk.

Teanagers grow up at such different rates i think the strict "wait till you are over 16" message is not right and I won't be teaching it to my kids I will be teaching them about safe sex and about having sex in a respectful loving relationship.

[valiumredhead]

Do you have boys or girls honey?

[whistlestopcafe]

It is important that my children are "ready". The thought of them being ready at 14/15 horrifies me if I'm honest. I suppose we are all tainted by our own experiences.

There is so much more to life than sex and I would prefer it my sons waited until 6th form.

[Loobylou222]

I think it's a good idea, they are going to have sex anyway surely it's better they know about safe sex, would you be happy taking your 13 year old to get tested for std's?

It is a scary thought that my 11 year old niece maybe having those sort of lessons though, she is way to sweet and innocent to be thinking about sex ( at the moment, she has only just started secondary, we will see what she is like at the end of the year!)

[Dahlen]

Soggy - I've never really understood why the need to have a practical lesson on condoms TBH. It's not rocket science and they come with instructions that if the school has done it's job in terms of literacy are very easy to follow. you don't have a practical for any barrier method or for sex itself.

Far better to talk about the ethical issues raised by sex IMO.

[Feminine]

I am against the demonstration aspect.

We can educate that age group without bits of the fruit bowl.

11 is too young.
Masses of changes happen between 12-14, I wouldn't have a problem with it then.

[honeytea]

I have a baby boy, I also live in a country where the age of consent is lower than the uk, but then tean pregnancy is also lower.

[valiumredhead]

honey I just wondered as I bang on to 11 year old ds about the legal age as I can just imagine an irate dad turning up or ringing the police if ds was shagging a 15 year old and he was 16. I think that's why people are concerned about the legal age.

[valiumredhead]

But if not properly used condoms are useless so it's either bits of the fruit bowl or an actual plastic model of a penis.

[Siriusstar]

I think that pshe should be taught by qualified pshe teachers at secondary school with some form of assessment. I think it should be standardised across the country so that all the children are learning the same kind of things. Some teachers don't necessarily bother with pshe and only do the minimum. Plus some are just too embarrassed to do a proper job.

My dh is a secondary school science teacher and not easily embarrassed. He teaches both the biology of it and the pshe side of it. Like many things that get taught at school, the students won't necessarily listen or remember what they have been told or shown. He has come across 16 year old girls who don't even understand their menstrul cycle despite being taught it a couple of times. I think it has to be taught over and over and over again, each year.

I think if it was taught as a discrete subject, then maybe the emotional side of things would be covered properly and consistently.

I will always remember a year 6 teacher saying that after a sex ed class, a timid girl asked her " Miss, do I HAVE to have sex?"

I think we need to assume that they will and to prepare them but not assume they are and make it clear that they have a choice. That they always have a choice.

Got to go back to work now.

[Nicknamegrief]

Because I am trying to have a rest I'll share my opinion and rationale for it.

I am religious and follow the rules of church which teach chastity (no sex before marriage and that also includes any heavy petting and necking). Both myself and my husband kept these rules and were each other firsts when we got married. I would want my daughters and sons to live like this too.

However, everyone has the right to chose for themselves (including my children) and while I will teach them the rules of our religion I also teach them the rules of the country and common sense ... for example just because I pray each day that we will be kept safe they still are required to look before they cross the road.

While it would be great that every person would wait until the age of consent and every parent to teach their child about contraception, not every parent does and not every child is able to listen I do believe that children should be taught these things at school at an age when they will listen and before they start doing these things. If school feels that 11/year 7 is a good age then I would trust their judgement as educators. I would imagine that they are aware of some of the stuff (or the consequences) that are going on.

It does feel young but then centuries ago people got married at 14yo! If my children were to be doing such stuff and didn't want to talk to me about it I would be very grateful for the adults that either they felt they could talk to about sex or who had talked about it.

My oldest is 9 and has not asked many questions about such things, I answer them as we go along and if this complete disinterest continues we plan on having a talk around yr6, hopefully before his peers don't educate him too much and that he is mature enough to cope with some of the information.

[valiumredhead]

AFAIK sex ed is taught in biology lessons at 11/12 not PHSE.

[Chelvis]

I don't have a problem with the way the mechanics of it all are being taught, but I do worry about the emotional side. I worked in a high school until recently and the amount of girls who felt that they couldn't say 'No' was appalling. It wasn't considered acceptable in your peer group to be a virgin past, maybe, 13. Girls who wanted to wait were mocked and called lesbians or freaks.
And it isn't just 'normal' sex they're having; so many girls were pressured into 'porn acts' - group blowjobs or anal at 13 or 14 - and many many girls were pressured into sexting or filmed sex acts, either by direct pressure from their boyfriends or by feeling it was something they had to offer. The mechanics of it are fine, but how on earth to we teach these children how to deal with it emotionally and how to say no? How do you turn back the pornification of sex? It is so hard, I'm glad I don't have that responsibility for teaching it.