Potty training expectations after day 1

[EugenesAxe]

A genuine AIBU (ie. not an opinion I am hoping everyone will share) and plea for people that have got through potty training to respond to.

If your child had almost no successes at weeing in the potty over day 1&2 (he managed it once; I think I asked him to sit), would you say they aren't ready? He has some pointers such as knowing when he's done a wee or poo but I would have expected more willingness to do it if he was truly ready. He's 2.8. I don't expect perfection but have you gone on to successfully train having all accidents and no successes on day 1?

At that old I'd give it another few days before deciding, 1 ds was dry 2.9, dd at 2.6 but other ds not until around 3.3 ish. We only had a couple of success with dd on day1 but by day 2 she cracked it.

If you're both bearing up and not utterly miserable, I'd capitalise on the one success and keep going for a few more days before deciding one way or the other. Low expectations are important! I think somewhere on MN I read to steel myself for clearing up 100 accidents- that felt about right. And my DD was considered a reasonably quick one to train. Give it a week, say.

In my experience, it' normal to not see success until several days in. I think the quickest was DD2 who got it after a three days, the longest was DS1 but he has SN. DS2 took 5 or 6 days before it clicked with him and he definitely had no successes on day 1, or 2.

None of mine were willing to use the potty initially. See it from their point of view, in a nappy they get to poo and wee wherever they want, and now you're expecting them to leave their play and to go to a specific location to do a wee etc. It's a faff.

Stick at it. My daughter was the same, now is dry. Just working on number twos now as she likes to wait for her bedtime nappy!

Good god, I'd be laughing if it only took a few weeks.

None of my 4 children has ever been reliably dry in the day until around age 6. Not until about 8-10 at night. DD3 (3yo in a few days) is still wetting about 6 pairs of pants a day + some dirty ones too.

Days 1 and 2 are meant to be a write-off. Day 3 is when it typically clicks into place (for wees at least); some people are lucky with little ones who get it straight away, but not many. And for many it takes much longer still.

DS was about 3.3 when we trained him - it did click into place with wees straight away - pretty much on the first day. However, he's now nearly 3.7 and has only done about 3 poos in the loo in all that time.

You need to physically go into zen mode when it comes to potty training. Expect the worst and do not get het up about - it will not help - it will make things worse. If you feel yourself being tempted to go off on one, breathe deep and exhale and repeat ad nauseum. Good luck.

Thanks very much everyone - I guess I have spoken to quite a few 'lucky ones'. A lovely lady and her DS age 2.9 that go to our playgroup have recently given it a go - she didn't have any pointers DS was ready and only attempted because her DH was off work, and her son pretty much went 'OK, I go to the potty for wees now' from day 1, and he was reliably dry within a week. I think her story made me wonder if I was being unrealistic - plus all the others on MN that have said their DCs got it in a couple of days once they were 'ready'.

I will try again (wanted to have done by the time he goes to nursery in Sept) as I think there are enough hopeful signs - the one time we did attempt it when DH was off, we were going to PIL on day 3, which obviously stymied the attempt. They were willing to pick up again when we'd got there, but I think when the reality hit and we were wanting to go out, the panic levels on their part went up. Fair enough I thought! But it meant we stopped altogether for a while.

Zen Eugene signing off... must get the Vax primed for shit extraction.

Ime the earlier you do it, the longer it will take. With DS1 we tried and failed at 2.10; tried again at 3.3 and he didn't have a single wee accident after day 1, poos took about a week to get. DS2 went into pants at 2.6 (on his insistence!) and although was happily going on the potty from day 1, only became reliably accident-free about eight months later!

I was lucky then.

My daughter point blank refused to potty train, until a bigger kid told her that she wouldn't be a big kid unless she used a toilet. She was 3 by this time and was dry straight away ( yes, late I know, but she just would not use the toilet/potty - she would sit on it with a face like thunder, insisting she didn't need. When she got up she would go in her clothes).

Because she was late, my youngest saw this go on (small age gap) and decided very soon after that nappies were not good and basically decided to use the potty and was dry in two days, and dry at night within a week.

I do think that it doesn't necessarily work to potty train too early, but you can't know until you try!

Just one other thought to add, could you make it more fun by allowing him to run around outside and wee when he wants? I know this summer is not exactly perfect for nekkidness but it could possibly help with the transition from nappy to loo.

My daughter loved doing that last year and it really helped remove the stress, although she went straight onto the loo with a seat rather than using the potty at all.

I am a childminder and in my experience if a child is ready they will be trained within a few days, however you can still expext the odd accident for several more weeks. If a child is having accidents daily then they are not ready and try again in a few weeks.

My DS was 2.5 when we potty trained him - we knew he was ready because in the morning he would say, "wait a minute" when we were going to take his nappy off, and then do a wee in it! He had 2 accidents the first day, 1 the second day, and then that was him dry. He had about 6 accidents the first month at night time, and nothing since.
I dont think that is "normal" though. My DM has just retired and was a HV don't shout at me and told me I was exceptionally lucky, so don't use me as an example!

In my experience the people whose DC train slowly as too traumatised to talk about it.

We are on nearly a year since starting DD at a similar age to your DS and we still have accidents several times a week, at 3.5! She was having success' from day 1 which is why we and nursery wanted her to keep going.

I would think about leaving it for a bit longer to be honest.

My dd went straight on to the pot, and was dry pretty much straight away. She had a few issues with pooing on the pot which was resolved by bribing her with lots of chocolate. She didn't want to go on the foldup potty out and about, or in public toilets, but both were resolved right away when one of her friends led by example and showed her what to do.

I'm going to try and potty train ds soon, who is a similar age. I think if he only attempts to get one wee in the pot over a few days (likely) then I will leave it until he's a bit more ready.

I'm going to hide this thread before a million people pile on and tell us how easy they found it.

The truth is some kids do just find it hard. There is no reason why a child who was 50/50 or 75/25 on day 1 should then spend six months at the same level. Some do though.

If they aren't getting anything at all on target they probably really aren't ready. Bladder and bowel control is a physical thing, and if it hasn't developed yet you can't make it.

We had 3 goes before we cracked it. First attempt over last xmas (DD = 2.6) because I was off work on hols. Complete disaster, she had NO clue whatsoever. Attempt no. 2 was a week in Feb (more of Mummy's hols gone) - no real improvement, scored half a wee once in the potty. Sacked it off again till Friday 13th!!! April (so DD 2.10). She cracked it in 36 hours despite the date! A few day accidents since but very very few. The main difference was that she was finally ready. If your LO goes to a creche/cm maybe check what they expect the kids to use - DD's creche have the seat shrinker insert things on the loos there so I got a couple of those for home and they helped I'm sure. She's never actually done more than that half wee in the potty at home - plus I think kids can find the potties awkward to squat on. Don't diss bribery either - we used a sticker chart and now have approx 16 cars in the house (her choice of prize!).

Don't worry about nights. By chance, in June DD (just 3) announced out of the blue that she wasn't doing nappies at night and despite me anticipating saturated bed/bedding, she's been fantastically good, only a few wet nights when she was ill (chickenpox). By contrast, 2 of her cousins are still in nappies at night - aged 7 (boy) and 4 (girl).

Maybe keep going a few more days before giving up - they're ready when they're ready. Good luck!

Potty trained DD at 2 and 4 months. I was ready to despair at the end of day 3 as so few were on target, but carried on as it wasn't upsetting her at all, she liked the idea of no nappies and we were on holiday so it wasnt my carpetlots of opportunity to run around in no pants etc.

Day 4 it suddenly clicked for her and pretty much from then she has been dry, even during naps.

I would give it a few more days if he isnt distressed about it or refusing to sit on it. If he isnt ready, then dont stress about it.

I would say hang in there and good luck. I've potty trained four and each was completely different and got it at a different age. My youngest was just 2, my eldest closer to 3 1/2. If it's not working at a week stop for a while and try again a few months later.

Only thing I did learn in the process is that cold turkey is the best way. Buy a steam cleaner for the floor/carpet, have your washing machine on standby at all times, line the buggy with a towel, carry an industrial amount of spares with you and just say to yourself 'this too will pass'. The thought of all that clearing up is easy. It's mostly not and all kids are different.

Sorry something happened with the editing there - what it was meant to say was 'the clearing up is never as bad as you think and ignore anyone who says it is easy. It's mostly not...

We were impressed that DD would even look at the potty on day 1

I'm really ashamed to admit that I got my months wrong - DS is actually only 2.6. And 2.10 seems a popular age for boys, so I will bear that in mind. I think nursery said it was OK for him to be in nappies, but I just thought trained would be better for them.

Hi Eugene,

Am starting day 2 here with dd(2y 7 m) and yesterday was hit and miss(mostly miss!)

So far today she's had 2 weeks on the floor and 2 wees and 1 poo on the potty. The wee and poo were caught by luck as it was one of the times I suggested to her to try. Am excited now as the last wee she came up to me and said 'put my nappy on right now' and then did it on the potty!

Oh, and she seems to like privacy , each time she's done something she tells me to go to the kitchen !

Keep trying :)

We started in earnest about 3 months ago (DD was 2 in february). It clicked very quickly and she hasn't been in nappies in the daytime for about 2 months now. She now takes herself off and can do all of it herself including getting dressed again so I would say we've done it. We had an aborted attempt around March but she wasn't ready. When she was ready it all clicked into place very quickly

It was a gradual process, you just need lots of patience and they need plenty of praise, encouragement. the worst thing you can do is get cross when they have an accident - or set the bar too high too quickly. I don't think you should go in having any expectations that they do x,y,z by day 1,2,3 etc. All children are different and just because Child A gets it by day 3 doesn't mean yours will.

Hi, I haven't read all replies, so might be repeating advice. However, have 4 DC and have just trained my 3.3yr twin boys. I've decided that the best rule of thumb on readiness was whether they made an attempt to make it to the toilet. At least then I knew they were aware a pee was coming. And awareness is everything. Otherwise, you are really just hoping to get the timing right.

On my previous attempt, neither of the boys were aware of what was happening. The flood would appear at their feet as if from heaven. Once it clicked, I didn't mind the accident as they usually happened on route to the toilet.

So, I say rather than popping your DC on the loo every 20mins in hope of catching a pee, or asking every 20 mins if they need to go, just leave them. See if there is any awareness of impending pee and use that a gauge on whether to keep going or leave for another month.

Good luck.