To go abroad for a week and leave my 16 year old son home alone?

[CrikeyOHare]

Right - so I hope the fact that I'm even asking this question goes some way towards demonstrating that I am a responsible, loving parent who cares about his welfare, and I don't get shrieked at too viciously. Although really want people's opinions.

First off - he is perfectly happy to be left. Secondly, he is an exceptionally sensible & trustworthy lad. (Taking into account, of course, that he's a teenage boy and they are all capable of stupidity at times).

I am desperate to get some much needed dental work that I simply cannot afford here in the UK. Having done loads of research, I can get it done at about 1/4 the cost in Budapest. I would need to stay there for a week.

I'd prefer DS came too - Budapest is meant to be wonderful, but he's adamant that he doesn't want to.

I am aware that, at 16, he's legally allowed to marry (with permission) and could, if he wanted, go and live in a bedsit independently - so I'm wondering if there's that much difference in him being at home on his own for a week.

We have various close by people who could and would call on him. Plus our upstairs neighbour is happy to keep an eye on him, and hold a key in case of emergencies.

Sooooooooo....deep breath....what do you think?

[Sposh]

I'd definitely leave him if he's sensible and trustworthy but I would have a good chat about how parties get out of hand very quickly especially in the age of social networking. Maybe show him some news stories about houses being trashed when 100s of teens get whiff of an empty house?

[jellybeans]

I wouldn't till 18. I lived on my own at 17 but was working full time since 16. If he has never been on his own that long I really wouldn't. Each to their own though.

[RubyFakeNails]

I leave mine, have done for a couple of years now and prior to that I left my niece who lived with us.

We have friends over all the time as we have an open house policy. Quite often we're out at the time or away for the night and they don't go wild so I knew it would be ok to leave them.

Have you ever been away before, what happened?

I typically phone home in the morning and about 10/11pm, I think the reminder that I'm paying attention does keep them in check.

[SundaeGirl]

I wouldn't. He'll be fine, but your house may not be. And even if he and all his friends and extended acquaintances are lovely you will probably just fret about it the whole time you're away.

Make him go to Budapest. (of course you can make him, you pay his allowance, right?)

[Quenelle]

YANBU. If he's a sensible and mature 16 year old and you trust him. I agree the biggest risk is to your house and your stuff but if a neighbour is keeping an eye on him he'll be ok.

True story: when DH was 12 his parents went to Spain for a week, leaving him and his 14yo sister at home. They left them some money (which they spent at the fair) and made them promise to go to school (they didn't, they went to the fair).

Apparently it was only when his parents got home that they bothered to tell the children they were supposed to go to their grandparents' house a few doors up the road for their dinner every night. Their grandparents had prepared them said dinner every night but it didn't occur to them to come looking for the children when they didn't show up, every night for a week .

[Ephiny]

If he's as sensible and trustworthy as you say, i.e. you can trust him not to have wild parties, go out leaving the door unlocked etc etc) then it doesn't sound like a problem. 16 is old enough to cope without parental supervision for a week.

[LentillyFart]

We left our only-just-17 year old for four days and like you had lots of people to look in on him etc. And he did fine really - I'm sure there was a party. It was the little things like DH's bottle of gin in the cupboard being full of water and for some still unexplained reason the Quality St chocolates we found on top of tall furniture, behind the fridge and underneath the sofa cushions . Oh, and he locked himself out with the key in the lock on the inside - £100 bill for that and thanks be my Dad was around to sort that out! I dunno - a week is a bit long IMO....but good luck whatever you decide!

[niceguy2]

If he's sensible and trustworthy then just tell him he's not allowed to throw a party. He will then not do it yes?

Fill the house up with food, make sure a neighbour keeps an ear out and can be around in an emergency. Then make sure you call each night to speak with him (and check he's not throwing a party).

Failing that just tell him there are loads of gorgeous Hungarian women for him to oggle at.

[Shullbit]

I wouldn't, in fear of my house getting trashed.

When me and my group of friends were 16, my best friend and her twins mum and step dad went away for a week. Left them home alone, with their 14 year old sister with an aunt, who had no car and lived about 8 miles away meant to be popping in every now and again to check on them. Obviously, a party was had and by the end of the night, the place was packed and trashed. Things were broken, a fight broke out leading to a hole in the wall, the bath panel was broken, some idiots actually spat on the carpet all night, the house stunk of fags, along with fag burns on the sofa and the police ended up needing to be called as there was people there who hadn't even been invited who refused to leave.

Their mum was not impressed upon her return and never left them again.

[HectorBrocklebank]

I was left at home for a few days at 16. Meant to behave but friends thought it would be great to go back to mine after the pub. Party every night. Lots of mad tidying up just before they came back and I missed school with a hangover.
(and I'm actually extremely sensible!)

[RubyFakeNails]

Forgot to put ages. I left mine for weekends at about 13/14 and now at 16 I can happily be away for over a week without them.

[bigTillyMint]

I would never leave my DC home alone until they were at least 20 - it's the party issue that would worry me the most I would also want another responsible adult on hand to offer advice/support in the event of an emergency.

It's such a big leap, isn't it - at 13 they are still too young to be left alone till after midnight and only 3 years later they could be living in their own bedsit/whatever.

[WhitesandsofLuskentyre]

Does he have a mate who could afford to come to Budapest? I can understand a 16-year-old not wanting to have to kick around a foreign city on his own even though it was one of my favourite pastimes as a teenager but with a mate in tow? Could be great.

I have 17 and 15 year old DDs. They can't even be trusted to turn the bloody hob off when left alone for a few hours, so no bloomin' way would I leave them alone for a week! Especially not in the facebook age.

[CrikeyOHare]

Yes bigTilly - it does come down to the party business. Even really sensible teens are susceptible to peer pressure.

Gawd...this is such a difficult age.

Although - telling him about all the the gorgeous Eastern European girls might work. Shall try that .

[WilsonFrickett]

Don't. Just don't.

I was very sensible.

Not so much after half a bottle of Southern Comfort mind you...

If I could just list the damage:
Police at the door twice.
One radiator knocked off the wall (how? Who knows?)
One can of beer poured down the back of the television (which in my defence I had moved, so some caah went into the cupboard and did it deliberately )
One wall needing repainted
One garden fence that never recovered
One teenage pregnancy scare

I'm 41 now by the way, so this was pre-social media!

[LiegeAndLief]

I used to regularly stay at home on my own from about 17. My parents lived overseas and I was at boarding school but would come home for weekends and holidays. I also had their (old and cheap!) car and would drive to the airport to pick them up, or drive for hours across country to take my brother back to his school. I ienjoyed the freedom and responsibility and never had any problems.

I was pathologically sensible and rule abiding though, and far too shit scared of my parents to have anything approaching a party.

It's fair enough to be worried about a party trashing your house, but I don't think children (or adults?!) need a responsible adult on hand until they are at least 20! What about going away to college or university, or moving away for work?

[LiegeAndLief]

Sorry, meant I used to stay in their house in the uk near my school, not going "home" to where they were living overseas.

[WillowKnicks]

We went on holiday last month & left our 16 (very nearly 17) year old son at home & I would definitely do it again.

My main worry was the party thing & he was under strict instructions not to have one...which he didn't & he kept it very low key that we'd gone away, so he wasn't put in the position of being ambushed.

He had a friend (same age) stay & his Mum kept popping up to check on them, my Mum rang him every day & was on hand for emergencies.

We have a cleaner once a week & arranged for a dog walker daily whilst we were away, so their was someone to spy check up on the house regularly.

He is sensible & trustworthy & didn't let us down.

[gettingeasier]

Hmm well I have a sensible teen DS but wouldnt do it I think your DS did well willow to keep it under his hat

I would worry about my house and not be philosophical about any mishaps

[CrikeyOHare]

Just had a call from a police officer about an incident a few months ago that we reported to them (it was a follow up, how-are-things-now type thing). Anyway, since I had him on the phone, I asked him what he thought - and he was a bit stuck too. He has a boy the same age and he didn't feel that his son would cope very well, but he was aware that plenty of other boys that age in fact would.

He also pointed out that this is such a difficult age because they're old enough to run off and join the army, but not old enough to drive or buy a round in a pub! Which is true.

I think it boils down to the party issue. If I can be really sure that that's not going to happen, then I feel it would be OK to leave him. So we need to have a chat.

I will tell him that if he can't swear to not have a party, and mean it, then I can't go - and that will mean he has to cope with having a toothless crone of a mother smiling widely at all his mates. Ah - the embarrassment factor, eh?

*NB - I'm not really toothless, but I could pretend I would be if I don't go

[noddyholder]

My ds is 18 and I wouldn't have left him at 16 if I wanted to come back to a house still standing. He is better now but tbh now he would jump at teh chance to go!

[noddyholder]

Also friends daughter completely lovely sensible girl had a HUGE party and a sink got pulled off the wall and the house was flooded! Don't just insist he comes and i bet he will enjpy it.

[NiniLegsInTheAir]

As someone who lives next door to a pair of 'very sensible' teenagers (only in their mother's eyes I assure you) I would beg you not to leave him alone. The amount of grief we've had the last 2 years by next door's teens being left alone for days/weekends/weeks is very stressful.

Constant, noisy parties involving groups of up to 30 teens drinking (all were underage), running around the house/garden screaming, very loud music until about 5am. Gave us verbal abuse when we knocked to ask them to keep the noise down. Police and council not interested when we complained. Mum to the teens insisted they had been good as good and refused to even contemplate the grief they gave us. We were all young once but that's no excuse for poor manners.

And the worst part? Watching their friends, the little wankers darlings being dropped off by their parents carrying cases of booze and waving them merrily goodbye.

Your son may be sensible - although you can't know this for sure unless you've spent time with him and his friends! but I agree with others, mates of the houseowner's teens tend not to be quite so sensible when it isn't their house.

[NiniLegsInTheAir]

good as *gold, not good as good