To tell GF to shut up?

[justsomebloke]

GF was talking to me about a subject she knew I didn't want to hear about. I politely asked her to stop talking several times. She heard but ignored me, so I told her to shut up. She says that me telling her to shut up shows a lack of respect towards her+ hurt her. I told her that I didn't mean to hurt her but that if she was going to ignore me when I asked her politely*, I would ask her impolitely. AIBU? (she thinks I am...)

• She normally listens when I ask her politely.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Astronaut79
"Look at the other thread about saying shut up. General consensus seems to be that it's rude to say shut up to anyone.

Not stirring, are we?"

I didn't say anyone was stirring.
That posters are reading something in to my posts is slightly worrying.

could you post a link to the other thread MN is a big place.

and if the OP is BU then his GF is also BU for not stopping talking when politely being asked not to.

[Astronaut79]

Wasn't actually talking to you , Boney, was referring to the op.

shut up! Think this is the link, anyway.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Astronaut79

thanking you


www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/1430490-shut-up

[AgentZigzag]

I wouldn't tell DH to shut up, but I would make it plain I wanted him to shut up if he didn't read the signs that him going on about some car or other is very tedious to listen to. There's no way I could possibly keep it together enough to listen to him talking about his work for hours on end like you Shadows, that smacks of someone who doesn't know the social boundaries of when to STFU, and who should be told.

I partially know what you're talking about with the drunken ranting/lecturing at someone Hecate, but my encounters with people like this thankfully didn't include any of the abusive nature of what you had/have to deal with.

Nobody could ever argue you'd be unreasonable to want that abuse to stop.

Has he found anything that stops him being like that?

[pictish]

Subjects mt dh likes to lecture me talk about:

What the traffic was doing on the way home...sometimes complimented by reinactments using the table top and household items to demonstrate. A plate may be a roundabout, for example...and a set of kets or his wallet a car...

Global warming - complete with tiny little hand drawn graphs to better illustrate his point.

Music trivia.

His day at work - he's an IT engineer, and his 'anecdotes' rarely include people.

He likes showing me emails he has received from people at work, which while appearing totally unremarkable to me, are apparently completely indicative of why that person is an idiot. *Look at this one!"
"No"

[AgentZigzag]

/ for you pictish

It makes me feel grateful DH never gets any aids out to illustrate the Idiot Driver points he makes about his drive home, which I'm even less interested in as I don't drive

[BelladonnaValentina]

If she was trying to have a conversation about ageneral topic that you weren't interested in then no, yanbu. But if it was something that personally affects her then you were bang out of order.

[pictish]

Same here

Yes...the idiot driver on the way home chat. When I don't look suitably outraged, out come the visual aids to help me understand.

I wasn't there...so I don't care.

[CalamityKate]

Pictish!

My DP works for a furniture retailer and TV viewing is often interrupted by him exclaiming "That's the 'Swamp' suite! I sold one of those the other week! Only they took it in the 'Slurry' shade, with the cushions in a mixture of 'Effluent' and 'Bland', to accent...."

Or we'll be watching a fascinating murder mystery, and he'll go "Ooh, that pouffe he's lying there bleeding over - that's part of the 'Dull' range.... oooh I haven't sold one of those for years...."

I'm never sure whether to find it endearing or tragic

[AgentZigzag]

I know DH knows I have no interest in the ins and outs of the weirdos that make up the car driving population, so I presume he's just in need of a rant and have tailored and perfected my and outrage face at the unjustness of it all while ignorning him and thinking about what's for dinner better things

He must know I do it (possibly because I've told him?) but carries on regardless, so he can't mind.

[JustHecate]

Agent - yeah. Not drinking would do it.



It really is just awful when someone just won't shut up.

Like I said in my first post, it does depend what the subject is, of course, but being on the receiving end of someone who just won't give it a rest - I have sympathy

[justsomebloke]

Cheers for your replies :)

I would've walked away but I was in the kitchen cooking (I know!) so couldn't. She was talking about who was bitching about who in work that day. Being told about it pisses me off, the rest you know.

Will be using "It's very disrespectful when you carry on talking when I've politely asked you not to" next time, see if that works.

shadows and justhecate, that sounds crap :(

[MadameChinLegs]

That's fair enough, OP. I hate bitchiness, and think by listening to it you almost 'condone' it, so fair play for not wanting to hear about it.

[AgentZigzag]

You definately weren't being unreasonable then OP

Alcohol can be vicious Hecate, I want to say something positive to you but everything just sounds like a platitude.

[BelladonnaValentina]

So basically you were telling her that you were disinterested in her life. If it were me iId have shut up at the first sign of your iritation but not to appease you. Simply because I'd want to work out why my man couldn't give a rat's arse about my life.

She may have shown you disrespect in continuing to talk when you told her not to but you definately disrespected her by being so dismissive about her life in the first place.

I can completely see your side to this. I'm just with your GF on this one I'm afraid.

[MadameMessy]

you told her to shut up because what she was talking about wasn't important to you? Id be fuming. how rude and disrespectful of you, yabu

[justsomebloke]

Read my post again, bella and messy. Did I say I was disinterested?

[BelladonnaValentina]

I'm willing to assume that by telling her to stop talking and then to plain shut up that you were showing disinterest, yes.

[MadameMessy]

I read your posts, I still think yabu. you did ask.

"she normally listens when I ask her politely" just smacks of her doing what she's told usually. really grated on me too.

[pictish]

Oh do leave him alone.... someone else's office's gossip is among the dullest subjects ever.
I have a pal like this, and she quite often starts a conversation with "Well, there's this woman at my works and she...." (insert gossip surrounding people from her work here).

I do not know the woman. I will never meet the woman. I do not care about the woman.

It's boring!

[winetime]

After many years of being married I can put on a face that looks like it is listening but really is not. DH is going on and on and on, and I can nod and smile in the right places but am really not interested or listening.

He does the same to me!

If you want to stay together think that is the best way forward - adopt the "I am really interested in what you're saying" face..

Works for us anyway! "Shut up" just causes a row!

[pictish]

I agree - "shut up" isn't good.
Neither is self indulgently forcing you partner to listen to drivel.

[BelladonnaValentina]

winetime I'm exacty the same. I was talking with DH about this thread and said taht it's kinda like him with harry Porrt. I hate it, can't stand it. REALLY tried to like it but gave up. Didn't stop me from buying DH the DVD's and books for Christmas because I know that he likes it. Having to listen to him waffle on about it is a consequence of that which I will tolerate because I know that it matters to him. Even if i want to poke my ear out with knitting needles.