justsomebloke · 17/03/2012 00:20
GF was talking to me about a subject she knew I didn't want to hear about. I politely asked her to stop talking several times. She heard but ignored me, so I told her to shut up. She says that me telling her to shut up shows a lack of respect towards her+ hurt her. I told her that I didn't mean to hurt her but that if she was going to ignore me when I asked her politely*, I would ask her impolitely. AIBU? (she thinks I am...)
It's apparently very rude to say that you aren't interested in something someone wants to talk to you about.
I didn't know this for years. My husband eventually told me that it is considered ignorant to say that you don't care, even if you don't care.
Apparently it is nicer to pretend to give a shit about something than to save someone wasting their breath on something you don't give a monkey's about [boggle], so you have to sit there, nodding nicely, while they go on and on and on and on about something so dull you wonder if you could fake a heart attack to get out of there.
What I think is rude is someone expecting you to be their audience and not giving a shit whether or not the subject they have decided you must listen to is one that interests you.
That said, even I think that telling someone to "shut up" is rude. You should have said look, I love you, but I am really not interested in this subject, why don't we talk about something we both like.
Or excused yourself, saying you needed a huge shit and might be a while.
DISCLAIMER - if you have slept with her sister/mother/brother, emptied her bank account, kicked the dog, got her gran pregnant or otherwise been a shit and she wants to talk about that and you want her to shut yup - you're an arse.
If it's who did what in eastenders, then it's ok to not care and to say so 
My DP got the hint quite early on in our relationship.
I couldn't sleep one night and lay there tossing and turning before turning to him (he was still awake too) and saying "I can't sleep. Talk to me about your work".
He did, and I was asleep within minutes
Wanted to add that my husband has actually reduced me to tears before now because he just won't shut up. When he is drunk - He won't leave me alone. I go into a different room to get away from him and he follows me, leaning in the doorway and talking at me. Not to me. AT me.
He doesn't want a conversation, he just wants to talk. On a subject of his choosing (normally some sort of criticism of me), for hours. And I do mean hours. 4 hours, 5 hours. On and on and on and on, saying the same thing over and over and over, with me as his audience. And he doesn't care that I have had enough. He will just carry on. He wants to totally dissect each and every aspect of whatever it is he has decided to talk about. "Break it down" he calls it.
Break it down. Break ME bloody down! 
He actually made me cry. I begged him to please leave me alone, but he kept on talking and he made me cry.
So I have the greatest sympathy for someone who is being forced to be someone's audience, or who is told they MUST listen to X subject that they don't give a flying fuck about and they don't care when you tell them you don't want to. All that matters is that THEY want to, so even though you've said nicely several times that you really don't want to have this conversation - they just carry on.
It is horrible
Hecate. That's horrible.
Now, BBJ, perhaps you could explain exactly what you meant by your post?
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